[INTP] How to seduce an INTP...

[Salomé]

Of course.

Unless i'm not in the mood for gentle.

Less seduction, more abduction?

That works too.

Could it be that the less interested the female INTP is in someone, the more interested that person has to be? And if the INTP is really interested in someone, they want that person to be disinterested, for fear that they will lose their autonomy?

Yeah. The opposite of that. Or somethin. I dunno. I just make shit up, aj.

 

[Zoom]

Pfft, don't settle for second-rate. I'd only swoon over someone who'd steal a F-22A for me

I was speaking of being in a museum, mind you. Raptors are bloody wonderful, but still very much in service.

And they'd have to be able to fly it. I'm on my way to flying helicopters, so if they expect me to hop into a jet with them - and they don't know what the hell a heads-up display is, or how a pilot interface works in that advanced of an aircraft... my want for them would just die. :sad:

 

[Shimmy]

With anyone, but possibly moreso with INTPs, is the need to combine clarity of communication with putting little or no pressure on the person. This is true for anyone to some extent, but inward, analytical people like to arrive at conclusions based on their own thought processes. So, if you are someone with qualities like intelligence and originality that an INTP might tend to admire, then you give them good, clear information on your interest in them, but also allow them to have the time and personal space to think it through and arrive at their own conclusion about it, that is probably the best you can do.

I think you're spot on. But might I add that you do need to keep pushing just a little bit. Putting no pressure on an INTP will likely lead to that person becoming indecisive or passive towards you. Letting them think to make a conclusion will possibly result in an INTP not coming to a conclusion at all.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Is this even possible? Do I just tackle them?

As an INTP woman I can say this:

It's a rare thing that someone can "win me over"...In fact, I don't think it can be done!

I've never dated someone that I didn't notice first! The attraction/interest has to be on the INTP end before anything can happen. (This interest may or may not be voiced!) I usually know within the first conversation if I would date someone or not.

I can say the one instance where I was pursued he did these things and it worked:

Was very no pressure.

Did not feel the need to define the relationship or ask me to define it. (very important)

Our dates consisted of activities I never did before and he took care of the details.

Used humor to banter back and forth with me.

Wasn't clingy or smothering. In essence, he pursued but wasn't always available!! He didn't answer the phone every time I called...he made me wonder about him and anytime you can keep an INTP wondering and her mind working, you've got her!

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I think you're spot on. But might I add that you do need to keep pushing just a little bit. Putting no pressure on an INTP will likely lead to that person becoming indecisive or passive towards you. Letting them think to make a conclusion will possibly result in an INTP not coming to a conclusion at all.

Oh Shimmy, I think you hit the nail on the head.

My partner for life now is an INTP, and he has requested I help push/nag him a bit. This is extremely hard for me, but I have a little, tiny J in me and so make the effort. I'm quite good at the no pressure and allowing space to think part of it.

 

[Tallulah]

My first instinct combined the idea of no pressure and being the kind of person the INTP would find attractive. Your statement describes one scenario to combine the two.

With anyone, but possibly moreso with INTPs, is the need to combine clarity of communication with putting little or no pressure on the person. This is true for anyone to some extent, but inward, analytical people like to arrive at conclusions based on their own thought processes. So, if you are someone with qualities like intelligence and originality that an INTP might tend to admire, then you give them good, clear information on your interest in them, but also allow them to have the time and personal space to think it through and arrive at their own conclusion about it, that is probably the best you can do.

This is good advice, toonia! I never respond to pushiness or immediate hard-sell in the dating arena. It doesn't allow me room to make my own decisions. So if you push me, the answer is immediately no. Let me know you're interested subtly, and allow me to notice how awesome you are and let me come to the conclusion that I want to date you.

 

[Shimmy]

You can't rationally make someone fall in love with you. There's no 'reason' an INTP would ever want to be with you. You'll have to apply to the little bit of emotions they have (as is the case with everybody.)

 

[INA]

Hmm . . . Maybe I could be won over by a doofus with flowcharts and spreadsheets earnestly laying out the case for my affections.
/evil.

 

[luminous beam]

Do we really, really come off that way?

I'm remembering an encounter shortly after I moved into my current domicile. I was going shopping, set the door to lock, walked out and closed the door. Without my keys.

Had to call my landlord, who came over and let me in.

His remark was "Not so smart now, are you?"

Say WHAT?

Needless to say, I've perfected a method of breaking in through the side window and have no further need of his assistance.

Eh, I should admit that my landlord is now also a current "SO." *cringe* These tappen. But I would still never call him to let me. I'd rather freeze to the sidewalk

Aw, well unfortunately I think some people may be intimidated by intelligence, not limited to the INTP, and therefore label it as conceded.
PS: ew at the landlord being your SO? heh

- Write little notes about things we have to remember. This won't turn us on, but it will just be really helpful.

This is a cute idea which I could definitely see as helpful to the absent minded.

Give them a book, and they'll fall down in yer lap reading, whilst you stroke their hair like the knowledge loving pets they are .

Aw lol I will take note and this totally sounds like it would work as most INTPs that I know love to read. The main trick would be to pick a book that would interest them enough for them to get excited about.

Maybe a week after that, we went out for sushi. She was stressed out about other things in her life, and was a bit prickly. And fair enough. I tried to be cute, and she shrugged. Then she started to irregularly ask me pointed questions, that made me feel like I had to justify myself. At a cafe I pocketed my change after buying a cup of hot chocolate, and had to give a detailed breakdown of my tipping practices. It... I mean, I tip when it's obvious I'm supposed to. I just, I didn't think about it.

I think the main point to this is that INTPs want to be accepted for who they are, quirks and all. I think often time they feel misunderstood and therefore become outsiders due to this. Everyone wants to be accepted by their SO, but moreso those types that are the most independent and autonomous

 

[Salomé]

Hmm . . . Maybe I could be won over by a doofus with flowcharts and spreadsheets earnestly laying out the case for my affections.
/evil.

 

[INA]

needs more earnestness. It's the rare INTP who can hack it.

I think the main point to this is that INTPs want to be accepted for who they are, quirks and all. I think often time they feel misunderstood and therefore become outsiders due to this. Everyone wants to be accepted by their SO, but moreso those types that are the most independent and autonomous

Pretty simple, isn't it?
Quickest way to get me to hightail it away from someone is to have them approaching me as a rehabilitation project.

 

[Salomé]

needs more earnestness. It's the rare INTP who can hack it.

Pretty simple, isn't it?
Quickest way to get me to hightail it away from someone is to have them approaching me as a rehabilitation project.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVv5sIY57TA"].[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Shimmy]

I think the main point to this is that INTPs want to be accepted for who they are, quirks and all. I think often time they feel misunderstood and therefore become outsiders due to this. Everyone wants to be accepted by their SO, but moreso those types that are the most independent and autonomous

Off course we want to be accepted for who we are. It's not an INTP thing, it's a human thing. The case with INTPs is that you cannot talk to much about it. That would be the direct opposite thing of showing you know me as I would rather be left alone to deal with my emotions. A casual, "how was your day?" will do fine with me. Things like "What's bothering you?" or "I can see you've got something on your mind." are definitive no-go areas, the answer to those questions will probably be a sarcastic "you", or if I'm a good mood a simple "nothing".

EDIT:

I just a memory of my mother always asking me personal questions and when I wouldn't answer them she would always say, "You're never telling me anything". She clearly is an NF.

 

[Feops]

Is this even possible? Do I just tackle them?

First be engaging. Then be direct.

No silly passive flirting. It will not register. The INTP will be thankful for it!

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I think you're spot on. But might I add that you do need to keep pushing just a little bit. Putting no pressure on an INTP will likely lead to that person becoming indecisive or passive towards you. Letting them think to make a conclusion will possibly result in an INTP not coming to a conclusion at all.

This brought a question to my mind that anyone is welcome to answer. What is the difference between what you describe here and someone who isn't that interested in having a relationship and/or just not that into the pursuer?

Part of the motivation for using the least possible pressure in any relationship/friendship is to get a sense of a person's authentic reaction. If you remove all obligation, emotional pressure, social pressure, what is left? Is there a desire to be together or not so much?

 

[seeker22]

This brought a question to my mind that anyone is welcome to answer. What is the difference between what you describe here and someone who isn't that interested in having a relationship and/or just not that into the pursuer?

Bam! Now that's what I want to know too!! <pulls up a chair>

 

[Zoom]

All right, temerity aside:

I am not good with social games. They make me unsure of myself, are frustrating (I don't see the point in them), and as I normally observe more before interacting, being in the thick of it (one of the main participants) puts more pressure on me to "perform". I can do it, but it is tiring and my natural want to stay in my shell until someone draws me out... is there because it is what's safest.

I want to be wanted, and I need to feel that from the other person or I think I have no ground to stand on for approaching them. A mutual dance of "I'm interested, you're interested" is perfectly fine, but for me - making me chase you? Not a good idea. I feel stupid when I'm seemingly the only one making an effort.

Giving me too much space (so to speak) makes it seem as if they are not that interested, which logically means I should work to become less interested because it probably won't work out, ne? I don't play hard to get or any other game, at least not on purpose.

I simply need enough alone time and emotional/mental space to process things and have my reaction to the good (or bad) things someone has done, so I can respond properly. Those misty feelings one can get for another (if you allow yourself), the happiness at the thought of seeing them again... that happens before I actually see them, in an anticipatory fashion. I think about them, touching them, talking with them, feeling the comfort and pleasure again in my mind.

I need the time to do that, but I do need those memories or positive signs from the person to even do so.

If that makes any sense.

Oh, and my logic makes it hard to make decisions sometimes. Being able to see almost every possible side of a situation can be paralyzing, at times. So little nudges - a la "I'd enjoy spending more time with you, if you'd like. Perhaps next week?" - are zehr GUT! Being pushy just makes me lose all want for you, as it shows a violation of my boundaries and slight disrespect for my portion of the decision-making in this process.

 

[forzen]

Hmm, its a hit or miss for me. Its either i already liked you, in which case you'll know as soon as i get around telling you or you initiate something. Or i'm not interested at all in which case no matter what you do...it's in the friend zone. Of course i tend to be somewhat shy to people i liked (relationship material) and outgoing to people that's only friend material.

 

[Shimmy]

This brought a question to my mind that anyone is welcome to answer. What is the difference between what you describe here and someone who isn't that interested in having a relationship and/or just not that into the pursuer?

Silentium describes it very well two posts above I think. I'll give a nice personal example as well: I live in a student house with three other guys. One day a friend of mine, not a girlfriend, came over to my house, unexpected, they do that all the time but since everybody in my house is good friends, there's usually the possibility of telling them that I want to be left alone for a bit and they can go chat with my house mates. This time however I was the only one at home so I could only choose of sending him away or letting him in. I did the latter. Back in my room I just continued reading and ignored him. He didn't force a conversation but just went to play on my computer. Later when I was bored reading we went to a pub and drank a beer or two.

The point in this story is that my friend understood I didn't want to talk at first, maintained my comfort level by not talking to me, but obviously hadn't come all the way to my house to play computer games on his own. He subtly offered me the choice of socializing with him or sending him away. I couldn't not decide anything, and by not pushing me too much in any direction he could make it fairly certain I wasn't going to send him away either.

 

[Redbud]

All right, temerity aside:

I am not good with social games. They make me unsure of myself, are frustrating (I don't see the point in them), and as I normally observe more before interacting, being in the thick of it (one of the main participants) puts more pressure on me to "perform". I can do it, but it is tiring and my natural want to stay in my shell until someone draws me out... is there because it is what's safest.

I want to be wanted, and I need to feel that from the other person or I think I have no ground to stand on for approaching them. A mutual dance of "I'm interested, you're interested" is perfectly fine, but for me - making me chase you? Not a good idea. I feel stupid when I'm seemingly the only one making an effort.

Giving me too much space (so to speak) makes it seem as if they are not that interested, which logically means I should work to become less interested because it probably won't work out, ne? I don't play hard to get or any other game, at least not on purpose.

I simply need enough alone time and emotional/mental space to process things and have my reaction to the good (or bad) things someone has done, so I can respond properly. Those misty feelings one can get for another (if you allow yourself), the happiness at the thought of seeing them again... that happens before I actually see them, in an anticipatory fashion. I think about them, touching them, talking with them, feeling the comfort and pleasure again in my mind.

I need the time to do that, but I do need those memories or positive signs from the person to even do so.

If that makes any sense.

Oh, and my logic makes it hard to make decisions sometimes. Being able to see almost every possible side of a situation can be paralyzing, at times. So little nudges - a la "I'd enjoy spending more time with you, if you'd like. Perhaps next week?" - are zehr GUT! Being pushy just makes me lose all want for you, as it shows a violation of my boundaries and slight disrespect for my portion of the decision-making in this process.

This. Great answer. Be clear about what you want and then give me time to think about it and anticipate it...makes it seem like I am the one in control. Play a game or be subtle and I will assume that I need to cut you out of my mind in order to protect myself, because clearly my interest is one-sided or misplaced.