[INTP] How to seduce an INTP...

[Salomé]

Not to mention, acting like someone you are not, just to get with us.

Yeah, that'll work out well for them.

Heh. Who you kiddin'? Sound of a fly opening is all it takes with you.
+ a jug of rum.

What makes you think you're so special?!

Right now? You do.

 

[Delilah]

Heh. Who you kiddin'? Sound of a fly opening is all it takes with you.
+ a jug of rum.

Subtlety is lost on me, what can I say.

 

[Moiety]

Heh. Who you kiddin'? Sound of a fly opening is all it takes with you.
+ a jug of rum.
Right now? You do.

Drat! I was going for reverse-psychology patronization there....

 

[Lady_X]

What makes you think you're so special?!

yeah!! this is what i'm saying!! not you blue...of course you are but all of you intp's!! so cocky...you better appreciate some cute enfp person who comes along and adores all of your lil quirks instead of merely tolerating them like so many other types would do...that's all i'm sayin....so wise up kids.

 

[substitute]

I don't really need someone to try and nurture my intellectual self-esteem. It's already too inflated as it is.

If everyone was able to follow what they need rather than what their ego prompts them to want, all the time, the world wouldn't be in the mess it's in, eh?

I'm just as bad - I know I need someone to ground me and prompt me to be more diligent and pay attention to the "little things", but what I tend to go for are people who will spontaneously and wrecklessly go wandering and doing crazy shit with me at the drop of a hat, who don't mind getting into trouble occasionally. And even when I do get a more responsible friend, I end up being a bad influence on them and rather than them make me more sensible, it tends to work the other way round... they get more laid back and wild, whilst I just get even worse than I already am ... people want to have fun I guess, so it's more likely someone will see someone who has a lot of fun and go "yeah, I wanna be like that, I wanna do that", than someone who has a lot of fun see someone who doesn't and say "yeah, I wanna have less fun, I wanna be bored more often, I should be like them" lol I don't deliberately corrupt people!!

So, I think y'all INTP's fall into a similar trap sometimes, and wind up going for lame ducks that make you feel superior, though what you really need is an equal. Cos in reality, nobody y'all ever meet is ever up to your intellectual standards, so though you've got this ideal of the equal, the person you learn from, in reality, you never believe anyone meets that criteria, even if they do in reality. I'm just going by a coupla INTP's I know, I know this isn't universal by any means, but it can be a definite tendency...

 

[INA]

Soooo many h8ers in this place. A whiff of a chance to put INTPs in their place and they go wild.

 

[ajblaise]

If everyone was able to follow what they need rather than what their ego prompts them to want, all the time, the world wouldn't be in the mess it's in, eh?

I'm just as bad - I know I need someone to ground me and prompt me to be more diligent and pay attention to the "little things", but what I tend to go for are people who will spontaneously and wrecklessly go wandering and doing crazy shit with me at the drop of a hat, who don't mind getting into trouble occasionally. And even when I do get a more responsible friend, I end up being a bad influence on them and rather than them make me more sensible, it tends to work the other way round... they get more laid back and wild, whilst I just get even worse than I already am ... people want to have fun I guess, so it's more likely someone will see someone who has a lot of fun and go "yeah, I wanna be like that, I wanna do that", than someone who has a lot of fun see someone who doesn't and say "yeah, I wanna have less fun, I wanna be bored more often, I should be like them" lol I don't deliberately corrupt people!!

So, I think y'all INTP's fall into a similar trap sometimes, and wind up going for lame ducks that make you feel superior, though what you really need is an equal. Cos in reality, nobody y'all ever meet is ever up to your intellectual standards, so though you've got this ideal of the equal, the person you learn from, in reality, you never believe anyone meets that criteria, even if they do in reality. I'm just going by a coupla INTP's I know, I know this isn't universal by any means, but it can be a definite tendency...

I don't know, I've never seen that trend. INTPs tend to go more for the mindmate type.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

All INTPs are different people with different tastes, so I wouldn't put much stock into most of this...

The only piece of advice I can really think of is just make your signals loud and clear. Really, really, loud and clear. Indeed, you might want to tackle the INTP, too. Initiative will probably be up to you, and subtlety is a bad strategy. If you think it is subtle, then odds are it's something the INTP won't even notice it.

This advice is based on my own feelings as an INTP plus comments I have seen echoed by other INTPs throughout this forum.

 

[Delilah]

All INTPs are different people with different tastes, so I wouldn't put much stock into most of this...

The only piece of advice I can really think of is just make your signals loud and clear. Really, really, loud and clear. Indeed, you might want to tackle the INTP, too. Initiative will probably be up to you, and subtlety is a bad strategy. If you think it is subtle, then odds are it's something the INTP won't even notice it.

This advice is based on my own feelings as an INTP plus comments I have seen echoed by other INTPs throughout this forum.

Agreed with all of the above.

And really, really, REALLY loud is good, also maybe a brick through the windshield.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

Agreed with all of the above.

And really, really, REALLY loud is good, also maybe a brick through the windshield.

Ah, yes.. but do remember to indicate that it is a friendly brick throwing. You know, the kind of brick throwing that says "I want you", and not for a lynching.

 

[Tiny Army]

I think part of what attracted my INTP to me was that in the case of our major common interest (comic books) I had read way more than him and had a much wider knowledge base on the subject.

 

[Delilah]

Ah, yes.. but do remember to indicate that it is a friendly brick throwing. You know, the kind of brick throwing that says "I want you", and not for a lynching.

Yes, maybe write on the side of it "I really like you, dummy. Wanna have sex? With Me. Now."

It would also be nice to fix the windshield after we have all the sex, because I am not going to get around to that for weeks.

 

[JocktheMotie]

I don't think it's that hard. Just be direct. Your best chance is to pay attention to him for a bit, have some jokey back-and-forths, let him think about it for a day then actually ask him out while he's still trying to figure all your signals out. At that point he has considered if you are interested and made the decision if he's going to say yes, but he hasn't determined if that's the actual case yet.

Also, I'm a huge sucker [hiyo!] for great boobs.

 

[substitute]

I don't know, I've never seen that trend. INTPs tend to go more for the mindmate type.

yeah well, probably it has a lot to do with age as well, I'd expect immature people of most types to subconsciously go for people that make them feel good in the egotistical sense, whilst more mature people would be looking for someone who makes them feel good in a more positive, mutual way, if you get my meaning? that's as much to do with age/maturity as type, I guess. But anyway I was only being facetious jokingly to start with, I did denote that

Even so... the ego and the id can play funny games with all of us, that's kinda what I was playing on - the idea that a conceited person with an overinflated sense of their intellect (as an immature INTP is very prone to being) will TELL himself that he's looking for an equal, a mind mate, whilst in reality he doesn't actually really think anyone's worthy of his mind, even passing up people ten times smarter than him without realizing it. And then actually going for someone who really just boosts his ego by making him feel smart, telling himself that they're a mind mate, when it's really clear to onlookers that it's an unequal partnership and one partner, typically the girl, is constantly deferring to the guy's knowledge and "letting" him be right all the time. This is my main point though, how what we think we're going for and what we think are our reasons and what we're doing, and what we actually are, aren't always the same thing.

I think sometimes extraverts are seen as being more prone to this, with introverts being more introspective and therefore more aware of what their subconscious is up to and less prey to it. However, I could equally propose that this might cause a sense of arrogance and complacency about it in the introvert that actually makes them MORE prone to it, cos they're not on guard for it, assuming themselves in control of it, whilst the extravert who knows it's a tendency cos other people tell him all the time, might be more likely to admit it and to be aware when it's happening.

Just some ideas there, not my cast in stone opinions or anything, I'm just musing

 

[INA]

yeah well, probably it has a lot to do with age as well, I'd expect immature people of most types to subconsciously go for people that make them feel good in the egotistical sense, whilst more mature people would be looking for someone who makes them feel good in a more positive, mutual way, if you get my meaning?

I don't get your meaning. Is it that immature people go for mindmates because mindmates make them feel good in the egotistical sense but mature people look for something else in a more mutual positive way than mindmates? If so, please explain.

 

[substitute]

I don't get your meaning. Is it that immature people go for mindmates because mindmates make them feel good in the egotistical sense but mature people look for something else in a more mutual positive way than mindmates? If so, please explain.

Well... i've seen, and experienced myself when I was a teenager, relationships where one partner - typically the female - sorta takes care of the other's ego, you know? Holds back disagreeing opinions, lets them "be right" all the time, complements them a lot, panders to their pride and stuff like that, whilst the other person a) doesn't notice this, b) doesn't do anything similar in return and c) is often quite patronizing and critical of their partner, so it's a pretty unequal relationship in terms of "power" and perceived intellectual ability/value. BUT, because the female believes she can't do better, or is maybe blinded by the guy's good points, or too patient for her own good or any other reason, she carries on putting up with him. And the guy is so conceited and arrogant that he doesn't see any of this (maybe he has abysmal Fe), and thinks she's with him cos he's awesome, and that she agrees with him cos he's always right, and that he really is superior to her and stuff. And he thinks he gets on so well with her because she's the only one who really understands him - he sees other people disagreeing with him as them not understanding him, see?

And so, being with this girl makes him feel important and superior and great, but this is a bad side of himself that he doesn't like to admit to or is a bit of a blindspot for him, so HE thinks, or says, that he loves her for who she is, that she makes him feel good, that she's an equal and that's why he loves her, etc etc... it's sorta delusional.

You know, she says "oh he treats me like an equal and it's great to have a partner who's interested in deep conversations etc" to her friends, who are thinking "wtf? he's an asshole, he totally patronizes you all the time and thinks he's way above you intellectually", and the guy says "she appreciates my knowledge and we have great conversations, I really feel we're mind mates, it's great", to his friends who are thinking "yeah right, my ass, you just dominate her so she doesn't dare disagree and your conversations are mostly you talking and her agreeing and listening". But there's no telling either of them.

But I've also seen (and been in) relationships where it really is more equal, where the partners are rather more mature and self-aware, and they will defer to each other in sorta equally, half and half, and one partner treats the other with the same respect as they get treated. Where friends and family often comment in a positive way on how happy the pair clearly are and how well they treat each other, and people use them as an example when they're talking about great relationships that really work. And this sort of relationship is closer to being in reality what the immature version described above is thought of as, in the mind of the, frankly, douches in it.

Hope that helps explain what I had in mind... just thinking that someone with atrocious Fe and a sense of self-worth that's largely connected to their intellectual ability, would be particularly prone to this sort of thing. And, INTP would fit the bill there, potentially. I'm not saying at all that they're all like it, like I say, I'm just musing and theorizing

 

[nanook]

i dont know, if you intp are the same (but in my mind, the functions are closely related, so...):

i get scared if a girl has either strong family binding (think of brother firefighter, father policeman) or if she has a lot of friends, like a whole gang of them.

i may interpret such things into hairstyle + fashion ....

gets my paranoia started. you would have to prove that you think and judge on your own terms (because these terms are visible to me, so i can tell in advance how much i can trust you), and that you will keep anything i say for yourself.

if that is sure (with some girls it obvious), i am very open and will gladly spend time and see what is possible ...

 

[INA]

Yes, but in the process of pillorying INTPs for the alleged failures of that one or those few, you implied (in the sort of haughty manner would-be counselors are prone to do), that seeking a mindmate is necessarily something one-sided and something for the immature, while something else would be better for them, if only they weren't so convinced of their superiority on this. It is my experience (and others', including norepinephrine) that people often attribute higher arrogance for this to INTs than they in fact have, and then go on to hate them for this concluded cockiness. Further, that people should interpret that preference as really seeking someone to fawn over them seems, well, an oddly colored view.

 

[Totenkindly]

Bring books.
Have interesting conversations in a variety of areas; make connections.
Appreciate mystery.
Be exploratory/open-ended/curious.
Be competent.
Be coherent.

Of course, if you want anyone to know you're interested in them:
Ask them questions; seem interested.

...Hope that helps explain what I had in mind... just thinking that someone with atrocious Fe and a sense of self-worth that's largely connected to their intellectual ability, would be particularly prone to this sort of thing. And, INTP would fit the bill there, potentially. I'm not saying at all that they're all like it, like I say, I'm just musing and theorizing

It happens.

Everyone has their flaws.
If it wasn't the socially undeveloped intellectual, it would be someone else whose crap you would be dealing with.

I also think the balance of Ti to Ne will determine the openness of the INTP and their perception of other people as separate and worthwhile entities and their flexiness. And yes, social insecurities can lead to over-reliance on the intellect and affirmation of it.

 

[substitute]

Yes, but in the process of pillorying INTPs for the alleged failures of that one or those few, you implied (in the sort of haughty manner would-be counselors are prone to do), that seeking a mindmate is necessarily something one-sided and something for the immature, while something else would be better for them, if only they weren't so convinced of their superiority on this. It is my experience (and others', including norepinephrine) that people often attribute higher arrogance for this to INTs than they in fact have, and then go on to hate and gripe them for this concluded cockiness. Further, that people should interpret that preference as really seeking someone to fawn over them seems, well, an oddly colored view.

Uh, pillorying? LOL!! I started out by just kidding around dude, then I just mused, and I didn't imply that anything was necessarily anything, point of fact I was quite careful to NOT imply that, and to state that I was theorizing about what MIGHT happen in SOME cases*. Cos I was asked to explain. Not cos I just turned up with an axe to grind ffs.

I didn't interpret that preference as anything, but merely hypothesized that on some occasions, it might not be what it seems or purports to be in the mind of the preferer, which I thought was a pretty fair enough idea, geez!



(by the way, I'm not a "would be counsellor"; I'm a qualified one

*edit - in fact, I was thinking about what I know for a fact DOES happen in some cases, and musing over how this might correlate to some of the tendencies of less healthy INTP's, as per the theory in the books, like.