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  1. #511
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    The difference is that relationships are never built on anything definite, and our understanding of emotions is shaky at best, so in our rather ingenious analysis we tend to work with some really strange assumptions.

    Were they absolutely true, our reason would be flawless! At least there's a pretty easy formula to our obliviousness. And all it really takes to snap us into line is identifying our shaky premise, and pointing it out to us.
    Very well put.

    I can't help but to feel for the INTP in Seeker's scenario. It's just that I've been in that same exact place myself. She's getting what she was afraid of to begin with, which is to feel like your world has been thrown into a blender and then you have to figure out how to put it all back together. Love/ relationships just don't come easily to an INTP. Of course, that's not to say that her stumbles and uncertainty didn't hurt anyone. It did.. and maybe losing the guy in the end is the way it has to be for her to learn how to not do that again. Sad lesson for her/ bad time for seeker, who unbeknownst to him, ended up getting thrown into a blender!

  2. #512
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    The fact that the ex thing happened before the big talk...forget about that. Anything that happens after that big talk - pay attention too. It seems like you've been honest and up front and that's all you can do. If she still has feelings for her ex (a major possibility if you're still encountering a wishy-washy attitude from her) then let her be and move on for now. Don't burn the bridge though!
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  3. #513
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    And all it really takes to snap us into line is identifying our shaky premise, and pointing it out to us.

    fucking traitor! stop giving them useful advice

  4. #514
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    I've noticed a pattern. She seems to like me *best* when I am *unavailable* in some way. I think it feels safer to her, less pressure or something (even though I don't pressure her I think she creates pressure in her own mind or something).

    She also *comes to her senses* anytime I give her a lot of space. It's like she needs a lot of time to think and process or something.

    Every time I leave her alone, she comes back with *I know I like you I was just too paralyzed to do anything about it.* Everytime we then start up again, she freaks and pulls away, saying she is *confused.* That's why I feel like giving it up. This cycle happens over and over again.

    To answer a poster, she is 35. Her ex she was with for roughly one year. She says he is not intellectually stimulating and their emotional connection is different than ours whatever that means. And by the way, they were never boyfriend/girlfriend. They would just "hang out."

    I understand you identifying with the INTP girl Ruffled. Sheesh you are probably having flashbacks. Poor babe. =( I know your situation is probably different, but I do have to say I can't help but feel that this particular INTP undermined/sabotaged the situation herself by purposefully pushing me away. She had me, I let her know it, she pushed me away, she comes back, tells me she likes me, I say me too let's do this, she pushes me away again... I don't understand.

  5. #515
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    The fact that the ex thing happened before the big talk...forget about that. Anything that happens after that big talk - pay attention too. It seems like you've been honest and up front and that's all you can do. If she still has feelings for her ex (a major possibility if you're still encountering a wishy-washy attitude from her) then let her be and move on for now. Don't burn the bridge though!
    +1

    I do have to say that our arrangement, after she didn't want to be exclusive, was we expected nothing from one another but *honesty.* I told her everything that happened on my dates - which was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. lol

    She however had started sleeping with the ex (fwb) and did not reveal it to me right away. Kinda shady in my eyes.

    I always said just let me know if you hookup with someone so that I can determine what to do from there (b/c in the past she has tried to hookup with me while she was hooking up with the ex and I don't roll like that - I only found out about it through a friend and confronted her and she came clean... then dumped him for me... clearly you can see the ping ponging pattern here).

    That's why I think I'm going to bail. She just can't seem to decide between me and the ex(fwb). She probably gets different things from both of us and she's pretty much having her cake and eat it too.

    She tells me I'm a way high notch up from him and even though she likes it a lot it is scary to her - out of her comfort zone.

    Ugh. I think I best walk away, without burning the bridge, and say call me when you figure your stuff out. The problem is I have done that before. She always comes back, says she wants me, then I say ok, then she pushes me away and returns to the ex (fwb).
    Last edited by seeker22; 06-23-2009 at 01:37 PM.

  6. #516
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    This girl really does sound like she needs to pull herself together. And, I agree, maybe see some hard cause and effect, so she can learn from all this.

    Thing is, this level of a communication disjunct doesn't bode well. It's deeper than any one thing either of you has done, or will do. I'd suggest you move along. Don't blame her or yourself; it's just the way these things work out. An unfortunate alignment of the humors, if you will.

  7. #517
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    ^^
    I second Aderack.. I think you are justified in walking away. Fighting for what you want is good and all, but sometimes the battle gets to be not worth the prize in the end. You guys probably both learned a lesson on communication, which may have been the whole point of the headache to begin with! and keep your chin up!

  8. #518
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InaF3157 View Post

    Monumental fail. I see you haven't met many any intp women.
    at that point, you'd have to have already given up on her. throw the plan to get with her out the window.

    from her perspective, he's just "busy and unavailable".

    im just telling the guy to save his own feelings. its the 21st century you know. girls can get hurt too in this modern age.

  9. #519
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I wonder. After telling her to sort herself out then walking away; when she comes back all "I want you! I want you!", what's the thought on saying "prove it" instead of "ok" or "let's do it"? Would it cause more problems, would she walk away or is there a possible improvement from there?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  10. #520
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I wonder. After telling her to sort herself out then walking away; when she comes back all "I want you! I want you!", what's the thought on saying "prove it" instead of "ok" or "let's do it"? Would it cause more problems, would she walk away or is there a possible improvement from there?
    Hmmmmm... me like.

    Good idea!

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