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  1. #381
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Drumroll please... Hi everybody thanks so much for all of the FANTASTIC insight and feedback! It was SO helpful. I truly appreciate it and actually implemented the suggestions.

    The mystery is solved... Kind of. LOL.

    So yep we had a huge talk and she told me that her feelings are SO STRONG (emphasis hers) for me that she basically doesn't know what to do with them because they terrify her. And, that she was crushed when I started dating other people, even though she told me to do so. She said that she told me to do that because she would never tell someone what to do or not do or hold anyone back from whatever it is they want. She said she concluded that I was not interested in her when I started dating "2.1 million other girls" as she described it. She also said it was KILLING her to hear about my dates. So I said "well then why did you ask??" And she said "because I had no right to be upset when I was the one who said go date others."

    I told her that when she told me to go and date others, I took that as SHE was the uninterested one, and that was pretty much a polite rejection - since personally if I really liked someone I would NOT tell them to go date other people. I also interpreted the fact that she always asked about my dates as she just liked me as a friend.

    I told her I didn't think it was fair to tell me to go and date other people, and then when I follow directions and do so (thinking that's what she WANTED) then she uses that as "proof of my disinterest."

    So we told each other we really really like one another and it was all good.

    Now this is why I say mystery solved... almost. LOL.

    THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

    Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!

  2. #382
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Drumroll please... Hi everybody thanks so much for all of the FANTASTIC insight and feedback! It was SO helpful. I truly appreciate it and actually implemented the suggestions.

    The mystery is solved... Kind of. LOL.

    So yep we had a huge talk and she told me that her feelings are SO STRONG (emphasis hers) for me that she basically doesn't know what to do with them because they terrify her. And, that she was crushed when I started dating other people, even though she told me to do so. She said that she told me to do that because she would never tell someone what to do or not do or hold anyone back from whatever it is they want. She said she concluded that I was not interested in her when I started dating "2.1 million other girls" as she described it. She also said it was KILLING her to hear about my dates. So I said "well then why did you ask??" And she said "because I had no right to be upset when I was the one who said go date others."

    I told her that when she told me to go and date others, I took that as SHE was the uninterested one, and that was pretty much a polite rejection - since personally if I really liked someone I would NOT tell them to go date other people. I also interpreted the fact that she always asked about my dates as she just liked me as a friend.

    I told her I didn't think it was fair to tell me to go and date other people, and then when I follow directions and do so (thinking that's what she WANTED) then she uses that as "proof of my disinterest."

    So we told each other we really really like one another and it was all good.

    Now this is why I say mystery solved... almost. LOL.

    THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

    Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!


    I did the same thing to an ENFJ who liked me. Maybe it is compulsive.
    I would keep go for her.
    Persistence pays off.

  3. #383
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

    Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!
    Just ask her point blank, how does one relay to you/convince you that they like you? What does it take for you to believe that?

  4. #384
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Drumroll please... Hi everybody thanks so much for all of the FANTASTIC insight and feedback! It was SO helpful. I truly appreciate it and actually implemented the suggestions.

    The mystery is solved... Kind of. LOL.

    So yep we had a huge talk and she told me that her feelings are SO STRONG (emphasis hers) for me that she basically doesn't know what to do with them because they terrify her. And, that she was crushed when I started dating other people, even though she told me to do so. She said that she told me to do that because she would never tell someone what to do or not do or hold anyone back from whatever it is they want. She said she concluded that I was not interested in her when I started dating "2.1 million other girls" as she described it. She also said it was KILLING her to hear about my dates. So I said "well then why did you ask??" And she said "because I had no right to be upset when I was the one who said go date others."

    I told her that when she told me to go and date others, I took that as SHE was the uninterested one, and that was pretty much a polite rejection - since personally if I really liked someone I would NOT tell them to go date other people. I also interpreted the fact that she always asked about my dates as she just liked me as a friend.

    I told her I didn't think it was fair to tell me to go and date other people, and then when I follow directions and do so (thinking that's what she WANTED) then she uses that as "proof of my disinterest."

    So we told each other we really really like one another and it was all good.

    Now this is why I say mystery solved... almost. LOL.

    THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

    Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!
    Hahaha, I can totally understand her. I want people to make their own choices, which is why I don't believe in marriage. I want it that you make the choice to be with me every single day because you want to be, not because you have to be. So she told you that you are free to date others and you did. Which shows that, given the choice, you would rather not be exclusive and therefore do not like her as much as she likes you. When she came to that realization, she adjusted her mentality accordingly and prevented herself from getting in too deep. Now that she knows you really do like her, she has to rearrange her thought process to like you again and that takes time and is confusing. It makes perfect sense in my head but sounds so crazy when I say it out loud...

  5. #385
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    She said that she told me to do that because she would never tell someone what to do
    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    She also said it was KILLING her to hear about my dates. So I said "well then why did you ask??" And she said "because I had no right to be upset when I was the one who said go date others."
    We can be SO fucking illogical sometimes!
    So we told each other we really really like one another and it was all good.
    Told ya!
    THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

    Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!
    Hang in there. Don't flake out. It can take a looooong time to earn our trust.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    given the choice, you would rather not be exclusive and therefore do not like her as much as she likes you. When she came to that realization, she adjusted her mentality accordingly and prevented herself from getting in too deep. Now that she knows you really do like her, she has to rearrange her thought process to like you again and that takes time and is confusing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #386
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Heehee, good going! She probably just still sees you as a someone that can have anyone he wants, so why would you want a nerd-girl? (Even if you don't see her that way, she probably sees herself that way.) My advice would be to tell her what you like about her, and make sure that that includes her brain. :-) Her confidence will likely be in her intelligence and her sense of humor. You can tell her she's pretty, and that's good and all, but so are a million other girls out there, and she'll wonder why not go after one of them. Let her know what it is about HER that you like. I think you'll be able to convince her in fairly short order, but you may have to reassure her a bit in the beginning.
    Something Witty

  7. #387
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Faine View Post
    He tries to reach out, but doesn't know what to do once he gets there or when someone tries to reach back.
    That's the biggest problem, yes. I guess the one thing that gives me pause about this woman I've mentioned is that if I were to have her, I wouldn't really know what to do with her.

    It's like finding and buying a sought-after action figure, wiggling its arms a bit, thinking "that's nice", and putting it on the shelf next to your DVDs. Maybe every couple of months dusting it off and changing its position.

    So I don't really trust that desire on its own. It's a bit... dumb.

  8. #388
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    if I were to have her, I wouldn't really know what to do with her.

    It's like finding and buying a sought-after action figure, wiggling its arms a bit, thinking "that's nice", and putting it on the shelf next to your DVDs. Maybe every couple of months dusting it off and changing its position.
    Crikey, and I thought the women were bad at this stuff!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  9. #389
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    THE VERY NEXT DAY... I'm all happy because I think we have this thing hammered out... She on the other hand withdraws and says she is confused because she truly did not believe I even liked her and SHE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LIKE HER.

    Ladies, gentleman - WTF???!
    Sorry, but LOOOOOL. :yim_rolling_on_the_ I DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING!

    now let's be serious.

    You now know she has feelings for you. Inside she wants to be with you but she is sure about what you think. If you can already talk to her on such a private and emotional level why not just ask her why on earth she cannot believe that you like her. If she doesn't know, point out clear examples that show you do. At the very least this will get her thinking on the subject.

    Then make her smile and be nice, as I said before you cannot make someone like you on rationalisations alone. You'll have to speak to her emotions in order to get a connection.

  10. #390
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    Just ask her point blank, how does one relay to you/convince you that they like you? What does it take for you to believe that?
    Too manipulative and pushy. Ask her why she cannot like you instead, then point out you are different from that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    That's the biggest problem, yes. I guess the one thing that gives me pause about this woman I've mentioned is that if I were to have her, I wouldn't really know what to do with her.

    It's like finding and buying a sought-after action figure, wiggling its arms a bit, thinking "that's nice", and putting it on the shelf next to your DVDs. Maybe every couple of months dusting it off and changing its position.

    So I don't really trust that desire on its own. It's a bit... dumb.
    I feel you completely. Unless I'm constantly engaged by someone I don't feel the need to engage them as well.

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