User Tag List

First 2129303132334181 Last

Results 301 to 310 of 978

  1. #301
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INTp
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    Eh?
    Posts
    867

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbud View Post
    Play a game or be subtle and I will assume that I need to cut you out of my mind in order to protect myself, because clearly my interest is one-sided or misplaced.
    Which is pretty much why the only amorous relationships I've had have been the result of some long-term stalking on the part of the other party.

    The problem is that, given a few vague hints, a situation has a good chance of completely overtaking my brain, making it impossible for me to get anything else done. I can spend months like this if the situation isn't clarified somehow. Usually that amounts to me shutting the door and ignoring the other person.

  2. #302
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    332

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    Which is pretty much why the only amorous relationships I've had have been the result of some long-term stalking on the part of the other party.

    The problem is that, given a few vague hints, a situation has a good chance of completely overtaking my brain, making it impossible for me to get anything else done. I can spend months like this if the situation isn't clarified somehow. Usually that amounts to me shutting the door and ignoring the other person.
    I do this too. I need things to be clear or I will get stuck in a mind loop, trying to figure it out. i don't like uncertainty. I don't like people playing games with me. I need to be connected with on a very specific level or I will end up shutting down on the person. There may even be a capability of a connection there and I will still shut down. Mostly, for me, it's just because I have no idea of where we stand and I don't have the ability to unsafely assume. It just can't be sprung on me.

    The last time I had a guy spring his feelings on me, I shut down very quickly. It took me about 4 monthes before I was really able to talk to him about it, despite the fact that I felt madly for him. There were a lot of extenuating circumstances and, of course, by that time he had moved on. I can't say I don't regret it now, but I really didn't have the ability to respond to him then.

  3. #303
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    1,065

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    Which is pretty much why the only amorous relationships I've had have been the result of some long-term stalking on the part of the other party.

    The problem is that, given a few vague hints, a situation has a good chance of completely overtaking my brain, making it impossible for me to get anything else done. I can spend months like this if the situation isn't clarified somehow. Usually that amounts to me shutting the door and ignoring the other person.
    D'ye know something equally weird? It seems to be able to happen once ye're in the relationship, just as badly. Something happens, uncertainty arises, and work and university (or whatever combination of things one has) can suffer, because of this preoccupation... because there is nothing to be done past a certain point, when it's out of your own control and all the analysis in the world won't find the solution to the problem, because it's simply making a choice and leaving it be.

    It's bloody odd. Having an active, fluid mind is not always a good thing - if something really negative occurrs, the mind can consume itself with worry, grief, hurt, etc. (Especially if it's not used to those emotions...)

  4. #304
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INTp
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    Eh?
    Posts
    867

    Default

    Hell is other people. Seriously, it feels like my brain is under occupation. It takes a concerted effort to divest myself of all that, and to feel like I've enough space in my head to stretch my arms.

    The party referenced above and earlier in this thread -- for a bit over a month, I completely avoided her. Then for another month I stopped actively doing so, yet when I happened to encounter her, I kept it brief and civil. More recently the hints have been thick and substantial enough that I've begun to resume some attention. Though I am proceeding with some caution.

    We seem to be becoming a bit more comfortable around each other. We've declared our fascination with each other, and we've both danced around how attracted we are to each other. I've expressed some interest in the modeling work she's doing, and sent her the occasional compliment or bit of encouragement. In return, she's begun to call me fairly frequently. It's almost a hair trigger, really.

    I had to think a moment about how this started, as it's been fairly rapid. I knew she was up for an audition, so a little under a week ago I sent her a brief note, basically saying, hey, let me know how it goes. Somewhat to my surprise, she called me at length. Previously, any phone conversations between us had been brief, and mostly at my instigation. Most often they consisted of me and an answering machine.

    Toward the end of the call, I asked if she had anything overly exciting planned that evening. She was hesitant, but called me back later to suggest maybe we go get something to eat the following day. Since then she has been calling me at about a 3:1 ratio of my calls to her. Which isn't as frequent as it sounds; it's just surprising me.

    Last night, she called ostensibly to ask someone's number -- though I'm pretty sure she knows the other girl's number, and I know she has her email address. Then she sort of asked me out. I say "sort of", as her phrasing was more like "Not tonight; I've got a bunch of stuff I need to do, but: this weekend, if you want to..." And then she began to trail off. And I followed the train of thought and said, oh, that sounds swell. It sounded like that had taken a bit of effort for her, as her response was fairly abrupt. The equivalent of "Okay, did that. Getting off phone now."

    So I guess we'll see where this goes. Offhand I'm not completely sure what's happening here, but it's not so ambiguous that it's driving me batty.

    Also it doesn't feel like I'm being asked to jump through hoops and dodge fire just for the privilege of being knocked down a peg. So that's something.

  5. #305
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    1,065

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    Hell is other people. Seriously, it feels like my brain is under occupation. It takes a concerted effort to divest myself of all that, and to feel like I've enough space in my head to stretch my arms.

    ...So I guess we'll see where this goes. Offhand I'm not completely sure what's happening here, but it's not so ambiguous that it's driving me batty.

    Also it doesn't feel like I'm being asked to jump through hoops and dodge fire just for the privilege of being knocked down a peg. So that's something.
    You seem to be doing something really good for yourself: giving yourself enough space to not be overcome by it, but allowing it to happen because you do (from what I can see) want it. So, good job on and luck with that. (<-A nod to you, not a random 'yes'. Weird emoticons...)

  6. #306
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    173

    Default

    I have been involved with dating an INTP female for a few months now, as some of you may recall lol... I pleaded with the forum members to help me decipher her... Some said she likes me, others told me to flee... Alas, to no avail STILL no answer to this mystery. Jury is still out.

    She seems to like me, but she blows hot and cold and keeps me at arm's length. All along she would say stuff like "you're out of my league, I don't understand why you like me, are you just using me, I can't believe you showed up, I don't know what you see in me, you're going to bail out for someone hotter, everyone wants you you have a millions of girls after you why would you pick me... To... oh and I don't want to be in a relationship. Go hook up with as many people as possible it will be good for you. I hope you're not NOT hooking up with other people because of me. I really think you should date other people besides me. I don't want a relationship. Make sure you're dating other people. Look that girls hot - you should go for her!"

    I grew soooo tired of the mixed signals that I backed off. I let her know straight up (in a gentle, no pressure way) that I liked her, too, which felt very vulnerable. Of course, we still have palpable chemistry... *sigh*

    So I started dating other people - at HER request! Now she'll ask who I'm dating and how the date went etc. and on one hand she says "great," on the other hand she seems hurt and then withdraws.

    I am BEYOND confused.

    She tells me I'm the "perfect package..." and that she "feels something special when we kiss..." but then she runs away... I even let her know that I recognize autonomy and personal space are important to her, and that it is to me also, and that I wanted to make sure I was giving her enough space... She said I was and seemed glad to know I was cognizant of this trait in her. WTF people????!! Help this ENFP out!!

    By the way she has an EXTREMELY small circle of freinds. Like 2 or 3. I have zillions. So even just being allowed into her precious "circle" means a lot because I know she doesn't let many in. She told me she's never met someone that she clicks so naturally and effortlessly with.

  7. #307
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    ^^

    I think she's just really, really lacking confidence, and is scared to death. She thinks you're out of her league.
    Something Witty

  8. #308
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    332

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    I have been involved with dating an INTP female for a few months now, as some of you may recall lol... I pleaded with the forum members to help me decipher her... Some said she likes me, others told me to flee... Alas, to no avail STILL no answer to this mystery. Jury is still out.

    She seems to like me, but she blows hot and cold and keeps me at arm's length. All along she would say stuff like "you're out of my league, I don't understand why you like me, are you just using me, I can't believe you showed up, I don't know what you see in me, you're going to bail out for someone hotter, everyone wants you you have a millions of girls after you why would you pick me... To... oh and I don't want to be in a relationship. Go hook up with as many people as possible it will be good for you. I hope you're not NOT hooking up with other people because of me. I really think you should date other people besides me. I don't want a relationship. Make sure you're dating other people. Look that girls hot - you should go for her!"

    I grew soooo tired of the mixed signals that I backed off. I let her know straight up (in a gentle, no pressure way) that I liked her, too, which felt very vulnerable. Of course, we still have palpable chemistry... *sigh*

    So I started dating other people - at HER request! Now she'll ask who I'm dating and how the date went etc. and on one hand she says "great," on the other hand she seems hurt and then withdraws.

    I am BEYOND confused.

    She tells me I'm the "perfect package..." and that she "feels something special when we kiss..." but then she runs away... I even let her know that I recognize autonomy and personal space are important to her, and that it is to me also, and that I wanted to make sure I was giving her enough space... She said I was and seemed glad to know I was cognizant of this trait in her. WTF people????!! Help this ENFP out!!

    By the way she has an EXTREMELY small circle of freinds. Like 2 or 3. I have zillions. So even just being allowed into her precious "circle" means a lot because I know she doesn't let many in. She told me she's never met someone that she clicks so naturally and effortlessly with.
    Tallulah's probably right with the confidence thing. You know, she tells you to go date other girls and you do, despite you telling her how you feel about her. I've been in her shoes and said the exact same things (it's freaky how similar our situations were) while the whole time I wanted more. I wanted him to not want to go date other girls and to want to be with me. I asked him to tell me about them, even though it really did hurt me. I couldn't express that though when he was obviously doing what he wanted, which was play the field, despite the insane chemistry that was there between us.

    INTP's don't readily go over to the vulnerable side. If it looks probable that we are going to hurt, we just won't go there.

    I can't tell you what's going on in her head, because it could be anything, shaped from a wide myriad of life experiences and worldviews. But I can tell you, from my experience from being in a very similar situation, that she may need to see how you are feeling through actions, not just words. It might take time, but she may really need to gain some confidence in that you really feel strongly for her, through your actions and words, such as telling her kindly and not dating other girls. You just can't expect a girl to be confident in your feelings for her when you are telling her about all the other girls you are also seeing besides her. Try to put yourself in her shoes and think of how you think she might feel, from your gut instinct. You sense she is hurt sometimes. Think about why she would be hurt in that moment. She is a girl who naturally works in a rational world and doesn't show a lot of emotion, yet you are getting an emotional response.

    Of course, this is all just based off a few words you've said and a lot of extrapolation to how I felt once upon a time I would just go with your gut instinct on this one, honestly.

  9. #309
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    ^Honestly, I don't think it will work out between them. She is too insecure, and he is too flighty.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #310
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INTp
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    Eh?
    Posts
    867

    Default

    The girl above, incidentally? ENFP.

    So there's kind of a theme going on here.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] How to break an INTP out of a Ti Si loop?
    By XXSwagmaster420 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 11-09-2017, 12:42 PM
  2. [INTJ] How to seduce an INTJ...
    By runvardh in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 267
    Last Post: 11-07-2009, 04:45 AM
  3. [ISFP] How to seduce an ISFP
    By Kambro in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 10-06-2009, 05:50 AM
  4. [ISFJ] how to seduce an ISFJ?
    By KarenParker in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 87
    Last Post: 07-28-2009, 01:14 PM
  5. [INTP] How to Keep an INTP Man Happy
    By FFF in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-25-2008, 03:53 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO