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  1. #291
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    needs more earnestness. It's the rare INTP who can hack it.

    Quote Originally Posted by luminous beam View Post
    I think the main point to this is that INTPs want to be accepted for who they are, quirks and all. I think often time they feel misunderstood and therefore become outsiders due to this. Everyone wants to be accepted by their SO, but moreso those types that are the most independent and autonomous
    Pretty simple, isn't it?
    Quickest way to get me to hightail it away from someone is to have them approaching me as a rehabilitation project.
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  2. #292
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InaF3157 View Post
    needs more earnestness. It's the rare INTP who can hack it.

    Pretty simple, isn't it?
    Quickest way to get me to hightail it away from someone is to have them approaching me as a rehabilitation project.
    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVv5sIY57TA"].[/YOUTUBE]
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #293
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by luminous beam View Post
    I think the main point to this is that INTPs want to be accepted for who they are, quirks and all. I think often time they feel misunderstood and therefore become outsiders due to this. Everyone wants to be accepted by their SO, but moreso those types that are the most independent and autonomous
    Off course we want to be accepted for who we are. It's not an INTP thing, it's a human thing. The case with INTPs is that you cannot talk to much about it. That would be the direct opposite thing of showing you know me as I would rather be left alone to deal with my emotions. A casual, "how was your day?" will do fine with me. Things like "What's bothering you?" or "I can see you've got something on your mind." are definitive no-go areas, the answer to those questions will probably be a sarcastic "you", or if I'm a good mood a simple "nothing".

    EDIT:

    I just a memory of my mother always asking me personal questions and when I wouldn't answer them she would always say, "You're never telling me anything". She clearly is an NF.

  4. #294
    Senior Member Feops's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    Is this even possible? Do I just tackle them?
    First be engaging. Then be direct.

    No silly passive flirting. It will not register. The INTP will be thankful for it!

  5. #295
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    I think you're spot on. But might I add that you do need to keep pushing just a little bit. Putting no pressure on an INTP will likely lead to that person becoming indecisive or passive towards you. Letting them think to make a conclusion will possibly result in an INTP not coming to a conclusion at all.
    This brought a question to my mind that anyone is welcome to answer. What is the difference between what you describe here and someone who isn't that interested in having a relationship and/or just not that into the pursuer?

    Part of the motivation for using the least possible pressure in any relationship/friendship is to get a sense of a person's authentic reaction. If you remove all obligation, emotional pressure, social pressure, what is left? Is there a desire to be together or not so much?
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #296
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    This brought a question to my mind that anyone is welcome to answer. What is the difference between what you describe here and someone who isn't that interested in having a relationship and/or just not that into the pursuer?
    Bam! Now that's what I want to know too!! <pulls up a chair>

  7. #297
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
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    All right, temerity aside:

    I am not good with social games. They make me unsure of myself, are frustrating (I don't see the point in them), and as I normally observe more before interacting, being in the thick of it (one of the main participants) puts more pressure on me to "perform". I can do it, but it is tiring and my natural want to stay in my shell until someone draws me out... is there because it is what's safest.

    I want to be wanted, and I need to feel that from the other person or I think I have no ground to stand on for approaching them. A mutual dance of "I'm interested, you're interested" is perfectly fine, but for me - making me chase you? Not a good idea. I feel stupid when I'm seemingly the only one making an effort.

    Giving me too much space (so to speak) makes it seem as if they are not that interested, which logically means I should work to become less interested because it probably won't work out, ne? I don't play hard to get or any other game, at least not on purpose.

    I simply need enough alone time and emotional/mental space to process things and have my reaction to the good (or bad) things someone has done, so I can respond properly. Those misty feelings one can get for another (if you allow yourself), the happiness at the thought of seeing them again... that happens before I actually see them, in an anticipatory fashion. I think about them, touching them, talking with them, feeling the comfort and pleasure again in my mind.

    I need the time to do that, but I do need those memories or positive signs from the person to even do so.

    If that makes any sense.

    Oh, and my logic makes it hard to make decisions sometimes. Being able to see almost every possible side of a situation can be paralyzing, at times. So little nudges - a la "I'd enjoy spending more time with you, if you'd like. Perhaps next week?" - are zehr GUT! Being pushy just makes me lose all want for you, as it shows a violation of my boundaries and slight disrespect for my portion of the decision-making in this process.

  8. #298
    Senior Member forzen's Avatar
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    Hmm, its a hit or miss for me. Its either i already liked you, in which case you'll know as soon as i get around telling you or you initiate something. Or i'm not interested at all in which case no matter what you do...it's in the friend zone. Of course i tend to be somewhat shy to people i liked (relationship material) and outgoing to people that's only friend material.

  9. #299
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    This brought a question to my mind that anyone is welcome to answer. What is the difference between what you describe here and someone who isn't that interested in having a relationship and/or just not that into the pursuer?
    Silentium describes it very well two posts above I think. I'll give a nice personal example as well: I live in a student house with three other guys. One day a friend of mine, not a girlfriend, came over to my house, unexpected, they do that all the time but since everybody in my house is good friends, there's usually the possibility of telling them that I want to be left alone for a bit and they can go chat with my house mates. This time however I was the only one at home so I could only choose of sending him away or letting him in. I did the latter. Back in my room I just continued reading and ignored him. He didn't force a conversation but just went to play on my computer. Later when I was bored reading we went to a pub and drank a beer or two.

    The point in this story is that my friend understood I didn't want to talk at first, maintained my comfort level by not talking to me, but obviously hadn't come all the way to my house to play computer games on his own. He subtly offered me the choice of socializing with him or sending him away. I couldn't not decide anything, and by not pushing me too much in any direction he could make it fairly certain I wasn't going to send him away either.

  10. #300
    Junior Member Redbud's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silentium View Post
    All right, temerity aside:

    I am not good with social games. They make me unsure of myself, are frustrating (I don't see the point in them), and as I normally observe more before interacting, being in the thick of it (one of the main participants) puts more pressure on me to "perform". I can do it, but it is tiring and my natural want to stay in my shell until someone draws me out... is there because it is what's safest.

    I want to be wanted, and I need to feel that from the other person or I think I have no ground to stand on for approaching them. A mutual dance of "I'm interested, you're interested" is perfectly fine, but for me - making me chase you? Not a good idea. I feel stupid when I'm seemingly the only one making an effort.

    Giving me too much space (so to speak) makes it seem as if they are not that interested, which logically means I should work to become less interested because it probably won't work out, ne? I don't play hard to get or any other game, at least not on purpose.

    I simply need enough alone time and emotional/mental space to process things and have my reaction to the good (or bad) things someone has done, so I can respond properly. Those misty feelings one can get for another (if you allow yourself), the happiness at the thought of seeing them again... that happens before I actually see them, in an anticipatory fashion. I think about them, touching them, talking with them, feeling the comfort and pleasure again in my mind.

    I need the time to do that, but I do need those memories or positive signs from the person to even do so.

    If that makes any sense.

    Oh, and my logic makes it hard to make decisions sometimes. Being able to see almost every possible side of a situation can be paralyzing, at times. So little nudges - a la "I'd enjoy spending more time with you, if you'd like. Perhaps next week?" - are zehr GUT! Being pushy just makes me lose all want for you, as it shows a violation of my boundaries and slight disrespect for my portion of the decision-making in this process.
    This. Great answer. Be clear about what you want and then give me time to think about it and anticipate it...makes it seem like I am the one in control. Play a game or be subtle and I will assume that I need to cut you out of my mind in order to protect myself, because clearly my interest is one-sided or misplaced.
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