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[NT] NTs and love

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
I am wondering if this is a common NT trait.

When you are in relationship you can never be fully commited.
You like the person and everything works fine. But you stay somewhat reserved no matter how good it gets. It has nothing to do with fear of commitment it is just that you can't achive emotional intensity.
So it can happen that you feel stupid since you can't return affection in that moment.
What can hurt the other person .


I am sure that this can happen to other groups as well. Since this is probably related with T.



EDIT: In post 19 there is the explanation about what this is all about
 
Last edited:

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
It sounds like me. It's hard to fill that black hole of emotion that others seem to need, so I mentally give up and stop trying. Not to say that I am not capable of love, I just can't feel it on cue.
 

Kangirl

I'm a star.
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
1,470
MBTI Type
ENTJ
When you are in relationship you can never be fully commited.
You like the person and everything works fine. But you stay somewhat reserved no matter how good it gets. It has nothing to do with fear of commitment it is just that you can't achive emotional intensity.
So it can happen that you feel stupid since you can't return affection in that moment.What can hurt the other person

This isn't me at all. It might have something to do with the fact that I don't date people I'm not *very* interested in (I am talking about casual dating) so it's possible I've just avoided ever being with someone who doesn't do it for me in a big enough way.

That said, once I am sure about someone, I throw myself 100% body and soul into a relationship. Emotional intensity is not something I have difficulty reaching highs of. Just ask my poor beleaguered INFP. :yes:
 

Valiant

Courage is immortality
Joined
Jul 7, 2007
Messages
3,895
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Nah, I can let someone in completely. Just done it once, and when it ended I was crushed for a couple of years. It helped me develop, though. Would do it again.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
It looks like that this doesn't work for ENTJ.
But it would be interesting to hear opinions of introverts on this..
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
I let people in and am devoted, but I just don't feel close to them all the time.
 

Ardea

o edward cullen!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
729
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
7
This isn't me at all. It might have something to do with the fact that I don't date people I'm not *very* interested in (I am talking about casual dating) so it's possible I've just avoided ever being with someone who doesn't do it for me in a big enough way.

That said, once I am sure about someone, I throw myself 100% body and soul into a relationship. Emotional intensity is not something I have difficulty reaching highs of. Just ask my poor beleaguered INFP. :yes:

:nice:
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
I am wondering if this is a common NT trait.

When you are in relationship you can never be fully commited.
You like the person and everything works fine. But you stay somewhat reserved no matter how good it gets. It has nothing to do with fear of commitment it is just that you can't achive emotional intensity.
So it can happen that you feel stupid since you can't return affection in that moment.
What can hurt the other person .


I am sure that this can happen to other groups as well. Since this is probably related with T.

I use to be this way. It's much more rare now. I still have my moments where emotional intensity is too intense for me. But not often.
 

Shaula

Te > Fi > Ni
Joined
Nov 27, 2008
Messages
608
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
I am wondering if this is a common NT trait.

When you are in relationship you can never be fully commited.
You like the person and everything works fine. But you stay somewhat reserved no matter how good it gets. It has nothing to do with fear of commitment it is just that you can't achive emotional intensity.
So it can happen that you feel stupid since you can't return affection in that moment.
What can hurt the other person .


I am sure that this can happen to other groups as well. Since this is probably related with T.
I'm pretty much like this.
 

Didums

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2008
Messages
680
When you are in relationship you can never be fully commited.
You like the person and everything works fine. But you stay somewhat reserved no matter how good it gets. It has nothing to do with fear of commitment it is just that you can't achive emotional intensity.
So it can happen that you feel stupid since you can't return affection in that moment.
What can hurt the other person .

I happen to be quite literally the opposite of all these things.
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
I disagree. I am able to be fully committed to a relationship, just in my own way. As long as I have the freedom of independence, I'm all yours. A human-sized catflap would be ideal.
 

bluebell

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2007
Messages
1,485
MBTI Type
INTP
When you are in relationship you can never be fully commited.
You like the person and everything works fine. But you stay somewhat reserved no matter how good it gets. It has nothing to do with fear of commitment it is just that you can't achive emotional intensity.

I don't relate to any of that. I feel things intensely at times.
 

norepinephrine

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2008
Messages
402
MBTI Type
INTP
I disagree. I am able to be fully committed to a relationship, just in my own way. As long as I have the freedom of independence, I'm all yours. A human-sized catflap would be ideal.

Preferably leading to that alternate reality to which few are allowed entrance.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
I am wondering if this is a common NT trait.

When you are in relationship you can never be fully commited.
You like the person and everything works fine. But you stay somewhat reserved no matter how good it gets. It has nothing to do with fear of commitment it is just that you can't achive emotional intensity.
So it can happen that you feel stupid since you can't return affection in that moment.
What can hurt the other person .


I am sure that this can happen to other groups as well. Since this is probably related with T.

Not me.
Although I do tend to not talk about myself very much.

What you're talking about seems more like an over dose on apathy over a long period of time.
 

Misty_Mountain_Rose

New member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
1,123
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
That just means you haven't experienced love.

+1000000

I had a friend in high school who believed that Love was 'magic'. I asked her how I would know if I was in love and in all her infinite, 17 year old wisdom she told me "You'll just know".

Turns out she was right.

If you doubt its love, then it isn't love.
 

tinkerbell

New member
Joined
Aug 31, 2008
Messages
3,487
MBTI Type
ENTP
Well I have to say I'm a fussy buggar, I don't fall in love often but I do and its unrestrained. I guess I'd have more reservations now, in terms of taking my time on trusting people, but it wouldn't stop me.

That said I can meet 00's of men and not one of them would be of interest to me so I'm unlikely to date them at all. I like what I like, and don't tend to compromise or beat myself up for being fussy. It's because I take relationships seriously, there is little or no point waisting everyones time/upsetting other people if I know it's a short term thing.

Lis
 

CJ99

Is Willard in Footloose!!
Joined
Jan 5, 2009
Messages
582
MBTI Type
ENTP
So much emotion! *shivers*
Freaks me out. I just kinda go with the flow and do the INTP *i'm here but not really* thing.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
That just means you haven't experienced love.

Correct.


I have created this thread since I am intereested in how other NTs do this.
The thing is that I never had romantic feeling toward someone.
What is somewhat unusuall for mid 20s.

I know that I could form a relationship but I don't see the way how I can fall in love in a way the others do. For a long time I am listening that I will fall for someone very soon but nothing really happens.

My theory was that if enough NTs have this problam then I have the same thing but it is expressed stronger in me.
 

Ardea

o edward cullen!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
729
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
7
Correct.


I have created this thread since I am intereested in how other NTs do this.
The thing is that I never had romantic feeling toward someone.
What is somewhat unusuall for mid 20s.

I know that I could form a relationship but I don't see the way how I can fall in love in a way the others do. For a long time I am listening that I will fall for someone very soon but nothing really happens.

My theory was that if enough NTs have this problam then I have the same thing but it is expressed stronger in me.

There are times when I question if I've ever been in love. I've been devoted and self-sacrificing, but I'm not sure about in love...


So...


Maybe...
 
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