User Tag List

First 34567 Last

Results 41 to 50 of 61

Thread: NTs and love

  1. #41
    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    crak
    Enneagram
    sax
    Socionics
    adhd
    Posts
    850

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    It looks like that this doesn't work for ENTJ.
    But it would be interesting to hear opinions of introverts on this..
    what you said in your op is very true for me

  2. #42
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    It looks like that this doesn't work for ENTJ.
    But it would be interesting to hear opinions of introverts on this..
    Quote Originally Posted by YourLocalJesus View Post
    Nah, I can let someone in completely. Just done it once, and when it ended I was crushed for a couple of years. It helped me develop, though. Would do it again.
    i think the inferior Fi nature of the ENTJ probably screws up the "NT's cant feel". i think even "personality pages" mentions the ENTJ sentimental streak....

  3. #43
    resonance entropie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    783
    Posts
    16,761

    Default

    And thats a good thing, this way I get a raise
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #44
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    EsTP
    Enneagram
    6w7
    Posts
    1,996

    Default

    I'm actually afraid that I might come across as too strong and too romantic for someone I really care about.
    I would just be so excited to be around that person,
    I think I am in love now and it is an exciting feeling.
    MBTI Type: iNTj
    Enneagram Type: 3w4 sp/sx

  5. #45
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Nah, no problem with that. If I feel distant, that's because I am not really in love.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  6. #46
    Senior Member ZiL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    567?
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    511

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Yes, yes. I understand you. I am also not cold, I feel very close to many people. But my level of closeness is not what others describe theirs to be. I always think they are making it up, to be honest.
    Whew, this makes me feel better.

    I'm in my first real relationship right now and it is definitely making me rethink some propositions about myself. I'm noticing that I have some sort of emotional delay - I guess I can't express myself until I feel secure. I was highly attracted to this guy a few weeks ago when we were in the midst of the chasing game, but as soon as things became official, the intensity of my feelings have dropped. This is really bothering me because this guy is an amazing person with whom I really feel there's a lot of potential. I think this change in my feelings is connected to a larger tendency of mine - a fear of letting someone in too close, a fear of a commitment from which I can't easily get away if I so choose. I'm the same way with part-time jobs...I chase after it, achieve it, and then get skittish. But I need to try to break this pattern now and see what I can learn. Any of you relate?
    ALL AROUND THE WORLD PEOPLE EATIN' GUMBO

  7. #47
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    1,065

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZiL View Post
    Whew, this makes me feel better.

    I'm in my first real relationship right now and it is definitely making me rethink some propositions about myself. I'm noticing that I have some sort of emotional delay - I guess I can't express myself until I feel secure. I was highly attracted to this guy a few weeks ago when we were in the midst of the chasing game, but as soon as things became official, the intensity of my feelings have dropped. This is really bothering me because this guy is an amazing person with whom I really feel there's a lot of potential. I think this change in my feelings is connected to a larger tendency of mine - a fear of letting someone in too close, a fear of a commitment from which I can't easily get away if I so choose. I'm the same way with part-time jobs...I chase after it, achieve it, and then get skittish. But I need to try to break this pattern now and see what I can learn. Any of you relate?
    Yes, quite a bit. I am with someone now and because of certain things (specific negative traits they are now showing, among other things), feelings of doubt have arisen, and I have withdrawn a bit to figure out whether or not I want this or if I am simply afraid of something that is unfamiliar and coming very close to my self.

    Also, oftentimes when something emotional comes up I need what seems to be too much time to... react in a genuine way. In the moment I don't know what I 'feel', and others seem to expect an ability to react and give answers on the spot, which I don't tend to be capable of... (This paragraph may not apply to ye, obviously.)

    Also, in regards to being skittish: ...si. Once the initial pouncing stage is over and negative things occur and work is really required, looking at other options seems natural, especially with the "just in case" mindset. I always want to be able to leave if necessary - cleanly, safely and with minimal damage - and have something to fall back on. It reminds of when I look for jobs when I already have one.

    However, I am currently pushing past the initial stage of a relationship with someone, and don't know what is to come. It is a lot harder, feels frustrating at times (reconciling my expectations with the actual reality), and I sincerely hope it is worth it. The point, though, is that I need to do it to see what is truly possible. I refuse to have 'what ifs' floating around in my past.

    Also: needing to feel secure before you express yourself emotionally is perfectly natural in terms of wanting to avoid being hurt and wanting to be sure, but I do hope you don't let it cripple your ability to be with someone. Open communication is one of those obstacles that looks so frightening in your mind, when you think about it and build up the anticipatory fear, until you do it and realise how freeing it can be.

  8. #48
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    intp
    Posts
    3,198

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZiL View Post
    Whew, this makes me feel better.

    I'm in my first real relationship right now and it is definitely making me rethink some propositions about myself. I'm noticing that I have some sort of emotional delay - I guess I can't express myself until I feel secure. I was highly attracted to this guy a few weeks ago when we were in the midst of the chasing game, but as soon as things became official, the intensity of my feelings have dropped. This is really bothering me because this guy is an amazing person with whom I really feel there's a lot of potential. I think this change in my feelings is connected to a larger tendency of mine - a fear of letting someone in too close, a fear of a commitment from which I can't easily get away if I so choose. I'm the same way with part-time jobs...I chase after it, achieve it, and then get skittish. But I need to try to break this pattern now and see what I can learn. Any of you relate?
    Quote Originally Posted by Silentium View Post
    Yes, quite a bit. I am with someone now and because of certain things (specific negative traits they are now showing, among other things), feelings of doubt have arisen, and I have withdrawn a bit to figure out whether or not I want this or if I am simply afraid of something that is unfamiliar and coming very close to my self.

    Also, oftentimes when something emotional comes up I need what seems to be too much time to... react in a genuine way. In the moment I don't know what I 'feel', and others seem to expect an ability to react and give answers on the spot, which I don't tend to be capable of... (This paragraph may not apply to ye, obviously.)

    Also, in regards to being skittish: ...si. Once the initial pouncing stage is over and negative things occur and work is really required, looking at other options seems natural, especially with the "just in case" mindset. I always want to be able to leave if necessary - cleanly, safely and with minimal damage - and have something to fall back on. It reminds of when I look for jobs when I already have one.

    However, I am currently pushing past the initial stage of a relationship with someone, and don't know what is to come. It is a lot harder, feels frustrating at times (reconciling my expectations with the actual reality), and I sincerely hope it is worth it. The point, though, is that I need to do it to see what is truly possible. I refuse to have 'what ifs' floating around in my past.
    I can relate to both of these. The variation is I'm not usually that worried about myself (I'll recover, I figure), but more about avoiding hurting somebody by being too fickle. I prefer to avoid jerks for anything beyond just friends, but I don't want to over-promise and then be the very type of jerk I hate by bailing later on because it's not what I want. It's the "minimal damage" part that you mention that's the sticking point. I am aware other people do it, but I like to think better of myself.

    --
    responsibility-phobia, is one way of looking at it.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  9. #49
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Posts
    1,065

    Default

    I'd actually almost classify it as responsibility-philia, as when you take into account someone else's well being as much as your own that is quite a bit of responsibility ye're taking on there. If I think on it for a long time and conclude that I am fairly sure that a relationship is not working and is bringing on pain or chronic low-level frustration with no end in sight for both/either of us, I take whatever steps I can to fix it and if that is impossible I cut off all ties.

    Quote Originally Posted by InaF3157 View Post
    I can relate to both of these. The variation is I'm not usually that worried about myself (I'll recover, I figure), but more about avoiding hurting somebody by being too fickle.
    Just wish to clarify that this is the reason I do it - because I want to be sure, and good to the other person. I refuse to hurt if at all possible to avoid in a healthy manner, and am more careful with others than I am myself. (Especially since I know I can move on and know how to heal {time is the only way, for me}.)

    *Minimal damage to the other person.

    I know that I may be hurt and that lancing a wound (i.e., leaving) is sometimes the only way to be well.

  10. #50
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    intp
    Posts
    3,198

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Silentium View Post
    I'd actually almost classify it as responsibility-philia, as when you take into account someone else's well being as much as your own that is quite a bit of responsibility ye're taking on there. If I think on it for a long time and conclude that I am fairly sure that a relationship is not working and is bringing on pain or chronic low-level frustration with no end in sight for both/either of us, I take whatever steps I can to fix it and if that is impossible I cut off all ties.
    Ah. That's another way to look at it. I don't want the responsibility unless I'm pretty sure, though I suppose the thing to do, when I'm phobic, is to ask is why the phobia. If I'm reasonably sure, then responsibility is fine.


    Quote Originally Posted by Silentium View Post
    Just wish to clarify that this is the reason I do it - because I want to be sure, and good to the other person. I refuse to hurt if at all possible to avoid in a healthy manner, and am more careful with others than I am myself. (Especially since I know I can move on and know how to heal {time is the only way, for me}.)

    *Minimal damage to the other person.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Similar Threads

  1. [NT] NTs and love
    By Koocoomoo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 60
    Last Post: 03-12-2010, 08:26 PM
  2. [NT] NT's and Love Triangles
    By indiajones in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 11-09-2009, 08:23 PM
  3. [NT] NT's and Love?
    By Mondo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 08-03-2008, 01:36 AM
  4. [NT] NTs and Concentration
    By Varelse in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-23-2007, 01:17 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO