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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    How might this work out? What are most if not all hypothetical situations this could lead too? Good, Bad??
    What if the INFJ bordered on E and the E bordered on I...
    come on tell me
    I'm a borderline E/I, and I have contemplated how the combo would work irl.

    I think good things would be possible, as long as the INFJ didnt become a satellite orbiting the ENTJ.

  2. #12
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think the ENTJ would rarely be open to being influenced by the INFJ, which the INFJ would come to resent. The ENTJ definitely will dominate and while both will enjoy it for awhile, it will get old before too too long. Especially once the INFJ comes out and starts trying to change the dynamics of the relationship and the ENTJ digs in their heels.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think the ENTJ would rarely be open to being influenced by the INFJ, which the INFJ would come to resent. The ENTJ definitely will dominate and while both will enjoy it for awhile, it will get old before too too long. Especially once the INFJ comes out and starts trying to change the dynamics of the relationship and the ENTJ digs in their heels.
    Maybe there is a contextual purpose for the digging in of heels that, while benefiting both, could only be accepted (read understood) by the ENTJ.

  4. #14
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    I was in a four month relationship with an INFJ. She was literally the first "fling" after an 11 year relationship so it was doomed either way. The only area we really did not get along was the Te-Fe divide. She would do things that would drive me crazy. She would have some irrational ideal about taking care of something, mainly animals and "injured" people. I'm pretty sure I was an "injured" person to her. It seemed the more independent of her care that I became, the more friction there was between us. I'm sure I drove her crazy too. Other than that though she was like a breath of fresh air compared to the 11 year relationship. Things were pretty good when we were in sync.

  5. #15

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    I can really only comment on this in regards to friendship rather than a romantic relationship. It looks like the people on this thread have largely had bad experiences in INFJ/ENTJ relationships, but I'd say go for it! My INFJ friend (who actually posts here on occasion) and I get along very well. I used to be a lot more rigid and neurotic than I am now, and I think she was a great balancing force then. I think she still subconsciously helps me reign in my excessively judgmental side. I'm obviously speaking for myself, but I can't relate to what fidelia said about the ENTJ trying to dominate the relationship. I don't really have any desire to control the relationship at all. Maybe that would be more of a factor in a romantic relationship - I don't know.

  6. #16
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    Me and my ENTJ have been staying together for 7 years. We get along well and I am not the type of girl who can become a satellite! Although I am sweet and gentle, I also am a very independent person and I like his strong character. I didn't think it was such a hard-to-find match!
    In my opinion it can be really satisfaying!
    What do you think? Anyone else who has had this experience?

  7. #17
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    Which doesn't mean they won't hear you. But it does mean your Fe program will find no particular satisfaction in ENTJ company, even if you do succeed in teaching him something about himself. You won't see it reflected back at you in the way you need most. In fact, you'll tend to see the opposite of what you need most. As will he.

    But he's got the tertiary Se. Your Inferior Se will be overrun and ground into the dirt. It's not what he'll want to do. It's just what will happen.
    I was married to an ENTJ for five years. I agree with this^. I'm not saying it's prolly true for every ENTJ/INFJ, but it was true for me. The first couple of years were pretty good, but aggravation with his Fe blindspot got to be too much. This line (from lyrics to a song I can't remember the name of) sums up what it felt like to talk to him about anything outside of home or car repair: "...[he] just looked at me, uncomprehendingly, like cows at a passing train." Whenever I tried explaining how something he did was disrespectful he'd go into- what my son (also his) and I now refer to as- caveman mode. He gets baffled and frustrated, and kinda acts like those monkeys gathered around the black slab in 2001 Space Odyssey. I suspect it’s akin to what I feel when someone lectures me about the importance of cleaning the cat litter every day (i.e. “this again? How could this possibly be so important to you?).

    He's a good person; he's honest, believes that 'caveman mode' is every bit as frustrating as people tell him it is and doesn't like that he inadvertently bulldozes people. He actually liked having someone around to call him on his bulldozing- whether it was me he was bulldozing, other family members or people at work- because I did it calmly and rationally. I could anticipate how things would make him feel, and frame what I had to say in such a way that my feedback was rational and constructive- instead of sprinkling it with insults, as if he ‘should have known better’. It's just that I don't think he even began to realize how much effort I had to put into phrasing things calmly and rationally enough for him to hear them. All the energy I put into understanding his point of view- to say things in a way that represented his interests, rather than simply nagging- seemed to fly completely under his radar: so he couldn’t appreciate it. On top of that, I'd have to calm myself down after things he'd say to me because he didn't put a modicum of effort in anticipating how anything would make me feel. I ended the marriage when it became clear that- no matter how hard I tried explaining it- returning that effort would never be one of his priorities; staying meant being the only one pouring energy into keeping the peace and having that effort go largely unacknowledged.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    3. I think the main problem with the INFJ ENTJ is that the ENTJ is going to end up "dominating". You'll both like that at first... but then the ENTJ gets tired of not getting any challenge back, and the INFJ just grows accustomed to the ENTJ doing everything.
    He wanted to stay together, the relationship worked out pretty well for him. So this^ definitely wasn't true in my case.

    And I never liked the ‘dominating’ aspect per se; I liked the straightforwardness. I think I got together with him in the first place- because he was honest and incredibly rational- but also because he wasn’t passive. If there was something he wanted, he went ahead and acted on it. There’s something comforting about the idea of never having to worry about that invisible game of give-and-take, because it’s draining to feel like you need to read someone’s mind in order to be fair with them. But, I don’t know, after reality creeps in- revealing how no two people will ever actually be so perfect for each other that there isn’t some invisible game of give-and-take lurking in the background- the experience of being with someone who doesn’t hesitate in taking what they want loses its appeal.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  8. #18
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    I see... I had to learn to talk to him in a certain way so that he could "understand". I used to drive him mad because, as when i talk to him I feel "safe", my thoughts and feelings are random, unstructured and intricate (dominant Ni...).
    But he has done his part. He has learnt to be more caring, spontaneous and sweet and to open up to me, so we have "adjusted" well.

    Any other experience?

  9. #19
    Junior Member shadesofblue's Avatar
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    I was involved with an ENTJ once, and it was one of my worst dating experiences. Essentially, I gave him as much space as the Western US and all he did was constantly try to change me to fit his ideal. He thought he was pretty awesome stuff and made me feel horrible about myself.

    Now, that's not to say that my experience exemplifies all INFJ/ENTJ interactions. However, it has left me a little wary of ever becoming involved with similar individuals.

  10. #20
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Someone dug up my old old thread :/
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

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