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[NT] Would you try to date me?

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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She is probably jumping out of her skin, waiting for you to pick up one of her many obvious hints. Are you at all attracted to her? If so, don't make her wait too long, patience is not our strongest virtue. If I want something, I want it now or as close to now as possible. I know - the complete opposite of you, I'm sure. I'm not suggesting that you grab her and kiss her, but little gestures to show that you like her back will keep her motivated. That is if you like her.
 

Virtual ghost

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She is probably jumping out of her skin, waiting for you to pick up one of her many obvious hints. Are you at all attracted to her? If so, don't make her wait too long, patience is not our strongest virtue. If I want something, I want it now or as close to now as possible. I know - the complete opposite of you, I'm sure. I'm not suggesting that you grab her and kiss her, but little gestures to show that you like her back will keep her motivated. That is if you like her.


I think your are overeacting over this. The thing is that everybody like her. Buy this I mean that literally everybody like her and everybody are her friends. (expect me) I simply didn't pay much attention to her.
So I am pretty sure that this is what got her attention.

Just because we had a couple of conversations in the last couple of months I will not presume that she is into me.
But to be honest she has a very good mix of physical beauty , intelligence , succesfulness and social skills. (it is very hard to dislike her)

I am not afraid of her in the case you are wondering.
 

jenocyde

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Hahaha, I am not overreacting.
Ok, if you don't want to believe me, that's your choice.
 

Virtual ghost

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Hahaha, I am not overreacting.
Ok, if you don't want to believe me, that's your choice.

Well, I am short on Engish so I have used that word even if it does not represent my thoughts exactly. I simply did not have a better word.


I believe you to some degree since she is to some degree curious about me and I think this is because I am difficult to read.


My own mother said to me directly not so long ago that she would like to know me a llttle bit better. Because she is aware of the fact that she does not know me that well.
 

jenocyde

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Ahh, I think you meant to say that I shouldn't jump to conclusions?

Well, it's possible that she may not like you but merely wants you to like her. Ego can be a funny thing, especially if you are the only one who doesn't openly admire her. Youth makes people stupid. :D

But the fact that she initiated physical contact with you, I can guess that she wants to know you more intimately. I don't touch, in any way, people that I don't like romantically, except when I am greeting them. And I only want to know more about people who interest me. So, take the information and deliberate it. But like I said, if you are interested in her, don't make her wait too long. She'll simply forget about you.
 

Virtual ghost

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Ahh, I think you meant to say that I shouldn't jump to conclusions?

Well, it's possible that she may not like you but merely wants you to like her. Ego can be a funny thing, especially if you are the only one who doesn't openly admire her. Youth makes people stupid. :D

But the fact that she initiated physical contact with you, I can guess that she wants to know you more intimately. I don't touch, in any way, people that I don't like romantically, except when I am greeting them. And I only want to know more about people who interest me. So, take the information and deliberate it. But like I said, if you are interested in her, don't make her wait too long. She'll simply forget about you.


Yes, that is exactly what I meant with that "overreacting".


Well, she does not strike me as someone who need that much admiration. Actually I am pretty sure that she thinks she is getting too much of it.


Which is probably the main reason why I got her attention. This would not be a first time that something like this has happened. Since people which get alot of admiration often wonder why they are not getting any real admiration from me.


Also I am relatively sure she is not into dating, based on some of her statements of course. So I doubt that there is something behind the curtain.
 

jenocyde

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Just make more of an effort to do casual things with her. Don't make it romantic to begin with. It's too much pressure to commit to a date. Just tell her you are going to X place on Y day, and you thought she might be interested in coming along because of Z comment she made. Leave it open ended. But don't waste time. And don't ask her in front of people, or anywhere when anybody she knows can hear.

I find that I can like someone a lot, but if they pick up on that and come on as strong as I have, it feels like they are desperate - which is an instant turn off. In some ways, I need to be the one that comes to you. But I need to know that you want me there.
 

Virtual ghost

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Just make more of an effort to do casual things with her. Don't make it romantic to begin with. It's too much pressure to commit to a date. Just tell her you are going to X place on Y day, and you thought she might be interested in coming along because of Z comment she made. Leave it open ended. But don't waste time. And don't ask her in front of people, or anywhere when anybody she knows can hear.

I find that I can like someone a lot, but if they pick up on that and come on as strong as I have, it feels like they are desperate - which is an instant turn off. In some ways, I need to be the one that comes to you. But I need to know that you want me there.

I guess I could probe a little bit more. It can't hurt.

To be honest I think she is afraid that the end of realtionship will devastate her.(or something like that )
She is open and flirty but there is always some distance in her approach.
 

jenocyde

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Of course she is distant. She's not sure if her advances are welcome. And then she's not sure if you will turn into a desperate, clinging mess - which is always my biggest fear with men. And it's why I date but rarely maintain relationships. Most men just need me too much. I don't think she'll have that problem with you.
 

Virtual ghost

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Of course she is distant. She's not sure if her advances are welcome. And then she's not sure if you will turn into a desperate, clinging mess - which is always my biggest fear with men. And it's why I date but rarely maintain relationships. Most men just need me too much. I don't think she'll have that problem with you.

Sorry for a wrong expression , she is like that with everyone.
I presume that she has a certain insecurities because she is a rolemodel.
 

jenocyde

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She is just fine, no insecurities. She probably doesn't even notice her league of followers, or it may just be so normal to her.

Many times, I have to finally ask the man out. I hate having to do that.

And about the distant thing... I never feel like I am being distant but I have friends that have known me for more than 20 years who tell me that I always keep them at an arm's length. I guess it's all a matter of perception. I don't worry myself thinking about such things.
 

Virtual ghost

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She is just fine, no insecurities. She probably doesn't even notice her league of followers, or it may just be so normal to her.

Many times, I have to finally ask the man out. I hate having to do that.

And about the distant thing... I never feel like I am being distant but I have friends that have known me for more than 20 years who tell me that I always keep them at an arm's length. I guess it's all a matter of perception. I don't worry myself thinking about such things.

You could be right.


Would you mind explaining me why you don't like to be the one that pop the quetion about going out togather ?


I never really understood why both sides don't like to ask this question.
Ok, I can see that this creates "uncomfortable" situation but I am wondering if I am missing something.
 

jenocyde

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I could answer "it's simply the man's job" but that's not exactly how I see it. I am a very confident, aggressive, assertive person and I go after everything I want with an almost ruthless passion and drive. When I see a man I like, I want to make sure that he is at least my match and not an insecure weakling who will crumble under the slightest pressure. I need to know that he will be able to handle things when I am not around. In order to have a partnership, I need a partner, not a sniveling child.

If you can't muster up the courage to even speak to me, we will not be a good match. I will still approach you and ask you out. I will toy around with you until I am bored. And then you will be tossed aside, like all the other man-boys. That's the best way I can explain it. You must be at least able to speak to me on your own. Lord knows, I make it easy enough with all the direct signals I send (like hitting you over the head with a hammer!)
 

Fluffywolf

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I think it's because women like it when a man is capable of popping the question themselves. Not because they have to, but because it's nice to know they can.
 

Virtual ghost

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I could answer "it's simply the man's job" but that's not exactly how I see it. I am a very confident, aggressive, assertive person and I go after everything I want with an almost ruthless passion and drive. When I see a man I like, I want to make sure that he is at least my match and not an insecure weakling who will crumble under the slightest pressure. I need to know that he will be able to handle things when I am not around. In order to have a partnership, I need a partner, not a sniveling child.

If you can't muster up the courage to even speak to me, we will not be a good match. I will still approach you and ask you out. I will toy around with you until I am bored. And then you will be tossed aside, like all the other man-boys. That's the best way I can explain it. You must be at least able to speak to me on your own. Lord knows, I make it easy enough with all the direct signals I send (like hitting you over the head with a hammer!)

I can see your pont of view. If you have a good-self confidance then dating a person with a low one will probably be a large turn-off.

In real life am constantly accused that I am "too direct" when I actually open my mouth. But since I am from somewhat patriarchal society I guess that I will be the one that has to pop the question. (i dont have an issue with this)
 

jenocyde

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Maybe you didn't mean it like this, but being direct is often mistaken for being confident. Not the same thing. Being direct could be a style of talking, a lack of consideration for others feelings, or just wanting to get to the point. Being confident is something within you, something that makes you know that your self worth is not given to you. It's yours. You have decide your own worth.

I can smell an insecure man a mile away. If he has many other wonderful attributes, I'll work with him in building his self confidence. But this is not something that I enjoy doing, and I have very little patience for slow learners.

This is how I know that the INFJ/ENTP pairing would never work for me. INTxs can be lacking self confidence, but the difference is that they don't care. Which makes them, somehow, more attractive.
 

erm

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I am a very confident, aggressive, assertive person and I go after everything I want with an almost ruthless passion and drive. When I see a man I like, I want to make sure that he is at least my match and not an insecure weakling who will crumble under the slightest pressure. I need to know that he will be able to handle things when I am not around. In order to have a partnership, I need a partner, not a sniveling child.

What about men thinking the same thing?

If you can't muster up the courage to even speak to me, we will not be a good match. I will still approach you and ask you out. I will toy around with you until I am bored. And then you will be tossed aside, like all the other man-boys. That's the best way I can explain it. You must be at least able to speak to me on your own. Lord knows, I make it easy enough with all the direct signals I send (like hitting you over the head with a hammer!)

Signals are for cowards. For people too scared to go for someone so confident, that they don't even notice such things! Or just people who don't notice that kind of stuff.

I think it's because women like it when a man is capable of popping the question themselves. Not because they have to, but because it's nice to know they can.

I'm thinking men generally like it too. There may have been a thread proving such a theory.
 

jenocyde

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Erm: signals are not for cowards. It's a way of weeding people out. And as far as men thinking the same and wanting a confident woman: don't you think getting hit on the head with a hammer is enough?
 

erm

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signals are not for cowards. It's a way of weeding people out.

Weeding out the unattentive people, I assume?

Those who don't like you aside, they are the only ones who won't go for it if you give obvious signals.

don't you think getting hit on the head with a hammer is enough?

You don't seem to think that that is enough from a man. Apply it vice versa.
 
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