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  1. #351
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Of course she is distant. She's not sure if her advances are welcome. And then she's not sure if you will turn into a desperate, clinging mess - which is always my biggest fear with men. And it's why I date but rarely maintain relationships. Most men just need me too much. I don't think she'll have that problem with you.
    Sorry for a wrong expression , she is like that with everyone.
    I presume that she has a certain insecurities because she is a rolemodel.

  2. #352
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    She is just fine, no insecurities. She probably doesn't even notice her league of followers, or it may just be so normal to her.

    Many times, I have to finally ask the man out. I hate having to do that.

    And about the distant thing... I never feel like I am being distant but I have friends that have known me for more than 20 years who tell me that I always keep them at an arm's length. I guess it's all a matter of perception. I don't worry myself thinking about such things.

  3. #353
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    She is just fine, no insecurities. She probably doesn't even notice her league of followers, or it may just be so normal to her.

    Many times, I have to finally ask the man out. I hate having to do that.

    And about the distant thing... I never feel like I am being distant but I have friends that have known me for more than 20 years who tell me that I always keep them at an arm's length. I guess it's all a matter of perception. I don't worry myself thinking about such things.
    You could be right.


    Would you mind explaining me why you don't like to be the one that pop the quetion about going out togather ?


    I never really understood why both sides don't like to ask this question.
    Ok, I can see that this creates "uncomfortable" situation but I am wondering if I am missing something.

  4. #354
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    I could answer "it's simply the man's job" but that's not exactly how I see it. I am a very confident, aggressive, assertive person and I go after everything I want with an almost ruthless passion and drive. When I see a man I like, I want to make sure that he is at least my match and not an insecure weakling who will crumble under the slightest pressure. I need to know that he will be able to handle things when I am not around. In order to have a partnership, I need a partner, not a sniveling child.

    If you can't muster up the courage to even speak to me, we will not be a good match. I will still approach you and ask you out. I will toy around with you until I am bored. And then you will be tossed aside, like all the other man-boys. That's the best way I can explain it. You must be at least able to speak to me on your own. Lord knows, I make it easy enough with all the direct signals I send (like hitting you over the head with a hammer!)

  5. #355
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I think it's because women like it when a man is capable of popping the question themselves. Not because they have to, but because it's nice to know they can.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  6. #356
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I could answer "it's simply the man's job" but that's not exactly how I see it. I am a very confident, aggressive, assertive person and I go after everything I want with an almost ruthless passion and drive. When I see a man I like, I want to make sure that he is at least my match and not an insecure weakling who will crumble under the slightest pressure. I need to know that he will be able to handle things when I am not around. In order to have a partnership, I need a partner, not a sniveling child.

    If you can't muster up the courage to even speak to me, we will not be a good match. I will still approach you and ask you out. I will toy around with you until I am bored. And then you will be tossed aside, like all the other man-boys. That's the best way I can explain it. You must be at least able to speak to me on your own. Lord knows, I make it easy enough with all the direct signals I send (like hitting you over the head with a hammer!)
    I can see your pont of view. If you have a good-self confidance then dating a person with a low one will probably be a large turn-off.

    In real life am constantly accused that I am "too direct" when I actually open my mouth. But since I am from somewhat patriarchal society I guess that I will be the one that has to pop the question. (i dont have an issue with this)

  7. #357
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Maybe you didn't mean it like this, but being direct is often mistaken for being confident. Not the same thing. Being direct could be a style of talking, a lack of consideration for others feelings, or just wanting to get to the point. Being confident is something within you, something that makes you know that your self worth is not given to you. It's yours. You have decide your own worth.

    I can smell an insecure man a mile away. If he has many other wonderful attributes, I'll work with him in building his self confidence. But this is not something that I enjoy doing, and I have very little patience for slow learners.

    This is how I know that the INFJ/ENTP pairing would never work for me. INTxs can be lacking self confidence, but the difference is that they don't care. Which makes them, somehow, more attractive.

  8. #358
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I am a very confident, aggressive, assertive person and I go after everything I want with an almost ruthless passion and drive. When I see a man I like, I want to make sure that he is at least my match and not an insecure weakling who will crumble under the slightest pressure. I need to know that he will be able to handle things when I am not around. In order to have a partnership, I need a partner, not a sniveling child.
    What about men thinking the same thing?

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    If you can't muster up the courage to even speak to me, we will not be a good match. I will still approach you and ask you out. I will toy around with you until I am bored. And then you will be tossed aside, like all the other man-boys. That's the best way I can explain it. You must be at least able to speak to me on your own. Lord knows, I make it easy enough with all the direct signals I send (like hitting you over the head with a hammer!)
    Signals are for cowards. For people too scared to go for someone so confident, that they don't even notice such things! Or just people who don't notice that kind of stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I think it's because women like it when a man is capable of popping the question themselves. Not because they have to, but because it's nice to know they can.
    I'm thinking men generally like it too. There may have been a thread proving such a theory.

  9. #359
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Erm: signals are not for cowards. It's a way of weeding people out. And as far as men thinking the same and wanting a confident woman: don't you think getting hit on the head with a hammer is enough?

  10. #360
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    signals are not for cowards. It's a way of weeding people out.
    Weeding out the unattentive people, I assume?

    Those who don't like you aside, they are the only ones who won't go for it if you give obvious signals.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    don't you think getting hit on the head with a hammer is enough?
    You don't seem to think that that is enough from a man. Apply it vice versa.

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