I said that I will give you an explanation so I will.
Btw you guys don't have to worry that I will see your approach as attacking since " Your are denying your fellings" is like " How was your day? " to me.
I have heard that one so many times that it does not even register as something special in my head.
Well I see that people are getting a wrong idea about me. To me it looks that I can come as a robot but that is not who I am. In the case I am quite P on my current tendencies I would be a robot.
But I am simply too J to be a one of those typical robot guys. So I am more among the lines of Darth Vader actually.
Since most posters are form English speaking countries they presume that I am an outcast of some sort. Since that would make sense in their cultures.
But that is not true. By a large degree I am the one that said that I don't want to have something to do with most of them. What changes the entire context.
I live in a country were people are not very well educated so when I end what I plan to finnish when it comes to education I will be in the 1% of the most educated people in the country. (even if I don't get PhD one day)
So majority of people are not right for me by default.
My enviroment is quite Pish so I have a clash with entire culture. For example I can't use my Te properly without hurting someone or make them uncomfortabe. So I am hidding it and I am doing it for years and in many cases.
Since I am quite introverted people simply don't expect that someone has so strong Te as I do. Plus my self-confidace is quite high what is atypical for people like me. (at least in my society).
I was always quite introverted but I was never really isolated. Which is because I am too NTJ to allow this to happen. So I have bulit a network of contact over the years. In which are people I can trust but I am simply too distant to call this a friendship. But if I say/ask to do something I will get it for sure.
So through this machanism I was able to live like this for years and have a progress at the same time.
So I never looked at this as "nobody really wants me" Actually many people would like to know me better becuse of my unconventional approach towards pretty much everything. Which is exactly becuse I am alone most of the time so everything I do I do on my own way.
So I never looked at socializing and everything that comes with it as something that is out of my reach.
But things are not that simple. When I was a small kid my FP parents were too forceful about emotions and they have caused and overload. So I have dismissed an entire concept as junk. For example they did that with music which resulted with the outcome that I have never developed a real connection with it. What means that I have at start lost a huge amount of potential to develop F traits normaly (like Fi). When I was a teenager people on regular bases would feel uncomfortabe in my room since there were no posters on my white walls. Since I did not "worship" idols typical for that age. What means that it was hard to relate to people of my age (plus my INTJness). So I have developed differently that people around me.
Since I have graduated as the best in highschool no one had a willpower to ask questions. So I hava manage to get through all of this without problems.
People usually say that they hope that I will one day open myself emotinally.
But they fail to understand that I have nothing to show. Since I don't have fluffy interior like other people of my type or other NTs.
I hold some personal opnions but they are not fluffy at all.
I can warm up a little bit but that is still far from what it should be. So this is one of the main reasons why I am missunderstood. I simply have to much with a certain sterotypes for people to accept this and everybody think that I am lying to myself and they are willing to bet that I do that.
Since I am like this I was never able to relate to Fs which could balance me out a little bit. Also there was no common ground. So I have lost another hypotetical chunk of my F this way.
But that is not all since when I was a very young I started to play "strategy games" of many kinds. What means that I was trained to see people as pawns. One afternoon of playing games like this means that you will see about a few thousand deaths in average. So when you multiply this with 17 years of expaernce you will get a huge amount of deaths since I have started at the age of 7. Back then there was no video games are bad for your children adittude since entire thing was new.
So not only that I have watched people die I gave a direct order for all those people to be killed. What is even worse.
For me it is not unusual that I burn down an entire village simply becuse it is full of politically unfit people.
I think that I will meke a thread about this since It looks llike a good topic and I would dare to say that I know this topic well.
I am not violent person at all but this was terrible for my ability to developpe empathy/sympathy. Since I saw a way too much destruction which was done simply because I wanted that to happen.
So I never got a chance to develope elemants that people consider to be normal for human beings. Especially since I don't have a sibling to balance me out a little bit. (socially and emotionally).
In a way it is weird how much sane I actually am after all of this.
This is why natural me can scare people: since I have a good planning skills but I suck at compassion completly and I have a quite good self-esteem. While I can survive for weeks without talking to people and I don't have social phobias typical for strong introverts.
Plus I have a strong intellect.
What is simply too much for most people.
So I made a plan how to get out of this. I will stop hidding my Te even if it can make someone uncimfortabe at the moment. Since it is my main function for dealing with the world and it quite well developed. (because of video games)
I will try to turn my contact into real friendships. Which shouldn't be a problem.
I think that I should first try to deveople some extroversion and only then I will be able to develope some real feelings. But I will none the less remain cold hearted guy since that is what I am.
I hope that all of this make sense.