• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NT] NTs and Affection

Brendan

Guerilla Urbanist
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
911
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Is there a typical pattern to how you show affection? What's an example you have from personal experience? On average, how long do you know someone or how close are they before you will show it? How openly do you display it when you do? Do you show affection differently to romantically important people than to important friends?

Keep in mind I mean showing affection in a non-physical way. "I thought of you..." That sort of thing.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
In my experience, NTs, and Ts in general love to be showered with physical affection from someone they like or love.
 

Willfrey

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
615
MBTI Type
IsTP
Is there a typical pattern to how you show affection? What's an example you have from personal experience?
In a non-physical way, well, I'm a man of few words. Because of my reserved demeanor I'd like to think that when I do, say, for instance compliment my girl it'd be more genuine then someone else who always compliments or whatever as a formality... But I'm learning the latter is much a much better approach...
On average, how long do you know someone or how close are they before you will show it?
Pretty close, I don't jump into relationships so I'll usually know somebody a month or more before I'll commit to a relationship.
How openly do you display it when you do? Do you show affection differently to romantically important people than to important friends?
Usually one on one. Not really in crowds. And yes, if I'm in a relationship with a girl I treat her differently the close friends.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
In my experience, NTs, and Ts in general love to be showered with physical affection from someone they like or love.

YES YES YES! /Meg Ryan mode off

I like to be touched, nuzzled, tickled, pinch, slapped, whatever.

And this is also how I show my affection. I don't have many "I love you's" thrown out there, unless she instigates and the correct social custom is to respond in kind. I also shower with subtle material tokens of affection. Before I get to this point, it depends on how comfortable I feel with the other person. Physical affection is easy once I feel like being close to you, and where I may differ from other INTPs or NTs, I don't have any problem lying about my personal feelings if I think it will help. I'd rather say "I love you" and not mean it than have you say it, have it go unreturned, and then feel terrible, because to be quite honest I don't have the tools to console you in this event. It's easier just to lie.

I also have no problem with PDA, whereas my SJ does. I'm very used to pretending I'm the only person around me and ignoring other people, so public displays don't really bother me. And, romantic relationships get the physicality bonus and side of me. Regular friendships do not, aside from relative displays of bromance.
 

01011010

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ
I do things for them. Fix their computer, or purchase an item they want or need. I'm not physically affectionate. This method is used for both friends and lovers.
 

Cenomite

Systematic chaos
Joined
Nov 30, 2008
Messages
623
MBTI Type
ENTP
In terms of friendship, I show affection by messing with people and commenting on things they say.

As for the messing with you part, It's not quite like how you poke the girl you like in 4th grade. I just feel more comfortable giving people shit who I already know, and I like finding people who give shit back. As long as it's all on good terms, it makes for fun times. There's a distinctive tone / vibe difference when I'm giving someone shit for fun, and when I'm giving someone shit to be an asshole (very rarely).

For commenting on things you say, I try and provide some good contributions towards people's comments and topics in conversation if I think they're interesting.

In terms of romantic affection, all I'll say is that I don't express it physically.
 

Shaula

Te > Fi > Ni
Joined
Nov 27, 2008
Messages
608
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
I do things for them. Fix their computer, or purchase an item they want or need. I'm not physically affectionate. This method is used for both friends and lovers.
I'm the same way. If I truely care about the person then I might be verbally affectionate.
 

Night

Boring old fossil
Joined
Nov 2, 2007
Messages
4,755
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5/8
Is there a typical pattern to how you show affection? What's an example you have from personal experience? On average, how long do you know someone or how close are they before you will show it? How openly do you display it when you do? Do you show affection differently to romantically important people than to important friends?

Keep in mind I mean showing affection in a non-physical way. "I thought of you..." That sort of thing.

I need to establish an empirical "truth" regarding the nature of your character/our relationship before I offer gooey emotion.

Generally speaking, this process takes some time to cast, as I'm not typically open to "loving" other people (save family; my wife). When I do theorize that our connection is such that it warrants some type of affection, I tend to offer support via physical acts and emotional soothsaying (words of encouragement, etc).

Good topic, Brendan.
 

01011010

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ
I'm the same way. If I truely care about the person then I might be verbally affectionate.

Ah, verbal affection is the worst for me. I'd rather chew off my arm.


I need to establish a empirical "truth" regarding the nature of your character/our relationship before I offer gooey emotion.

Same.

The first year is an observation period. If I make it two years with someone for any type of relationship, I begin to let them in.
 

Jasz

Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
276
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
In my experience, NTs, and Ts in general love to be showered with physical affection from someone they like or love.

i agree but it is either on or off. i love to be showered in affection at one point and then very much need everyone to stay the hell away the next.
 

lazyhappy

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
107
Honestly showing affection to others is quite difficult.
It takes years for me to openly state "I *cough* love *cough* you" and when i do its in the form of a tease -.-.
I was raised be an ENTJ mother, and she doesnt give affection much also.... If i give hugs its awkward... like y'know that hug at the end of step brothers between the brothers....
... anyone know what i mean?
 

Wild horses

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,916
MBTI Type
ENFP
YES YES YES! /Meg Ryan mode off

I like to be touched, nuzzled, tickled, pinch, slapped, whatever.


HAHA funny you say this I know an NT who shows his feelings by being quite rough with the object of his affections. I used to think that it was a little 5th grade... sort of like pulling a girl's hair but it has become quite endearing... He also likes to slap and be slaped (Not in an S&M way just like play fighting a bit I guess) I thought it was just him being a bit freaky
 

ZiL

New member
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Messages
511
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
567?
I need to figure this out ASAP. I just started dating another ENTP, and I think he's better at being affectionate than I am, even though I want to :D. But somehow it always devolves into a joke or something with me.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
HAHA funny you say this I know an NT who shows his feelings by being quite rough with the object of his affections. I used to think that it was a little 5th grade... sort of like pulling a girl's hair but it has become quite endearing... He also likes to slap and be slaped (Not in an S&M way just like play fighting a bit I guess) I thought it was just him being a bit freaky

I think this is fun too. I'm an ass slapper, pincher, raspberry blower, hair tugger, and a biter. All playful [no blood or marks!] and only with SOs though. I get touched by anyone else I just freeze up.
 

Wild horses

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,916
MBTI Type
ENFP
I should hope so too... can't imagina what sorta reaction you would get if you just randomly started tugging someone's hair on the bus.... or run up to someone in the mall and slapped her/his ass.... :D Funny if you tried though :devil:
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
I've been known to place my arm around a friend's waist and nuzzle their shoulder affectionately. I feel uncomfortable verbalising affection when face-to-face. I go all monotone, or have an embarrassed grin on my face, so it looks false, despite being completely sincere. So it's either spontaneous physical contact, or none at all. Which is a shame, because I wish I could communicate my feelings through words, but something stops me.
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
It will personally take me a long time to show true affection and I don't know if I ever actually show affection in the 'traditional way'.

Instead, I show loyalty and demonstrate how much I truly care for that person..if I get physical with someone right away that usually means I'm not showing 'affection'.

No matter what those dumb people say about sex=love all the time and stuff like that...
 
Top