[NT] Would Taking A Leave From College Help?

[Mondo]

College overall has been a positive learning experience, however, I have hit quite a few bumps along the way.

My GPA is on an upward trend but is still not so hot.
I believe I've been prone to depression (never have been officially diagnosed) for over five years now. All these setbacks have been really taking a toll on me recently.
I practically had a nervous breakdown after a difficult math test.
I haven't been able to sleep well and am just so worried about my GPA (after a freshman disaster) that it has been ironically negatively affecting my grades.
I really wanted to be a math major and I think I still can do it- it was just that this one math test really makes me put things in perspective.

A couple other things have been bothering me such as the fact that I haven't been in a romantic relationship since attending college, it was something I hoped to do but I am left with alcohol and friends who don't want to go clubbing because many of them already have boyfriends/girlfriends..and for overcrowding reasons, I will probably not be living in my fraternity's section next year. These have been some of my best friends in college and while I'll still be able to be in section all the time (and sleep there most of the time), it is still going to change things...I try to make it seem like things are good on the surface but inside I am crumbling.

I recently set up appointments with a counselor and had my first meeting yesterday.
I think I can make it through this semester (and I'll have to given the non-academic commitments I have made) but I think I need a break longer than summer from school. I think I need a break to sort things out in my personal life and hopefully I'll be able to return to campus a better student and happier person.

However, a problem is that my parents aren't very understanding of these things (both Te dominant) and would probably not approve of me taking a leave- up to the point that they would probably stop paying for college...I don't think that some 'quack therapist' (as my parents think of therapy) would be able to convince them that taking a leave is appropriate.

I have two questions.
1.) Would taking a leave help given I use it to sort out my personal problems?
2.) If my parents choose to be financially stingy and not understanding, I will obviously not take the leave, how do I sort things out without doing so?

Thanks in advance..

 

[heart]

If the situation with your parents makes it difficult to take a break, can you at least set up a semster of classes that give you a break of sorts? Classes that are easier or intensely interesting to you?

 

[Mondo]

If the situation with your parents makes it difficult to take a break, can you at least set up a semster of classes that give you a break of sorts? Classes that are easier or intensely interesting to you?

That might be possible, I'll have to see how much I'm liking the math major by the end of this year. If not, I can find something easier and more interesting...

 

[heart]

Ask around about what the easy classes are too.

I made the mistake of taking "History of Rock n' Roll" thinking it would be easy A. Hardest class I took outside of science! That guy expected you to memorize every single factoid from the book, very little theory questions ---all factoid type questions that I don't do so well on.

 

[heart]

When you talk to you parents, could try Te type argument: "My grades have not been as good as they should. I think I need to get into the real world some, learn what it means to earn my way, get into the real world and maybe then I'll appreciate college better."

Have you tried a personal ad to meet someone?

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

Sometimes you have to show Te's you mean business. If you don't seem adamant about what you want, they will naturally bully you into the direction they would prefer. I would almost suggest you take that year off and take care of yourself during that time.... or are you wanting your parents to to support you while you take time off?

 

[nonsequitur]

I have a friend who's doing really well in uni now. She was depressed during her sophomore year, and told her parents that she wanted to take a leave of absence to sort it out. Her parents didn't understand, and insisted that she continue. She failed two classes. Only then did her parents allow her to take a semester off. She came back and finished both of her degrees, and is currently in the honours program with a view to do grad school.

I hope that this helps you to convince your parents. I kinda wish that I didn't rush through my degree, finishing in 2 1/2 years instead of 3 years. Maybe my grades would've been better, and I wouldn't have been as burnt out in my 3rd year.

With Te dominants, perhaps you can approach it this way: What happens if you continue, and fail? They assume that it's a rough patch that will pass. What if you get increasingly demoralised and eventually drop out or are unable to major in anything? It's not cost effective at all. Your time would be better spent working out what you want and need from college than struggling with something that you may not eventually want anyway.

Work out a plan and sell it to your parents. e.g., I intend to take one semester off, and if I haven't changed my mind after the change in environment, these are the subjects that I'll take to catch up. During your time off, what do you intend to do? Will you find a job? If not, what plans do you have? How will this serve your eventual goals? It's important to think things through clearly, to justify to your parents why you want what you want, and why it's important to do it now. It'll also convince them that you're fully adult, able to think and plan critically, and that you're not just going to take time off to bum around.

Just the INTJ perspective.

 

[phoenix13]

College overall has been a positive learning experience, however, I have hit quite a few bumps along the way.

My GPA is on an upward trend but is still not so hot.
I believe I've been prone to depression (never have been officially diagnosed) for over five years now. All these setbacks have been really taking a toll on me recently.
I practically had a nervous breakdown after a difficult math test.
I haven't been able to sleep well and am just so worried about my GPA (after a freshman disaster) that it has been ironically negatively affecting my grades.
I really wanted to be a math major and I think I still can do it- it was just that this one math test really makes me put things in perspective.

A couple other things have been bothering me such as the fact that I haven't been in a romantic relationship since attending college, it was something I hoped to do but I am left with alcohol and friends who don't want to go clubbing because many of them already have boyfriends/girlfriends..and for overcrowding reasons, I will probably not be living in my fraternity's section next year. These have been some of my best friends in college and while I'll still be able to be in section all the time (and sleep there most of the time), it is still going to change things...I try to make it seem like things are good on the surface but inside I am crumbling.

I recently set up appointments with a counselor and had my first meeting yesterday.
I think I can make it through this semester (and I'll have to given the non-academic commitments I have made) but I think I need a break longer than summer from school. I think I need a break to sort things out in my personal life and hopefully I'll be able to return to campus a better student and happier person.

However, a problem is that my parents aren't very understanding of these things (both Te dominant) and would probably not approve of me taking a leave- up to the point that they would probably stop paying for college...I don't think that some 'quack therapist' (as my parents think of therapy) would be able to convince them that taking a leave is appropriate.

I have two questions.
1.) Would taking a leave help given I use it to sort out my personal problems?
2.) If my parents choose to be financially stingy and not understanding, I will obviously not take the leave, how do I sort things out without doing so?

Thanks in advance..

[NOTE: I'm a random internet person who doesn't know jack squat about you, your needs, or your situation. Heed my words thusly.]

See a psychiatrist. Depression, if clinical, is an unnecessary road block to success/happiness/victory/whatever. Get rid of it.

If you're going to take a semester off, you'll have to explain why to every job and grad school you apply to, so your reasoning had better be solid. Depression is a pretty solid reason. In addition, if diagnosed, it would be hard for your parents to cut your funding for taking a semester off unless they're exceptionally lame. (I'm assuming the psychiatrist will be able to explain depression to them in a way that satisfies their Te.)

OK, now with the relationship thing... healthy relationships take a lot of time and energy, and both parties have to be emotionally mature. Now, on top of all you're going through, that would be another complication whose priority should be below that of school and dealing with your own issues. Be patient. I can say that because I went through college without a single relationship and just a hand full of dates. While not something to necessarily aim for, it isn't a tragedy and not too uncommon.

Lastly, drop the alcohol bit. It's entirely counterproductive and probably makes you feel like a loser. Don't put up with that... again, it's another complication that you don't need right now.

Bonne chance!

 

[kyuuei]

Speaking from someone commonly forced to take breaks from college, I do not recommend it. I'm struggling a lot now, and not just with the material, as a result of being outside of the college-ish routine so long.

If you run a lot, you know if you stop and walk, you keep stopping and walking after the initial break.

And I KNOW. there are like 349294234 people on here that say "I DIDZABREAK! AND IZ FINElol" but I don't care. The average person finds breaks so relaxing that they're very reluctant to start again. It's just whatever you think is best for you, but I agree with heart's advice. Maybe not as many classes.. or filler courses.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

College overall has been a positive learning experience, however, I have hit quite a few bumps along the way.

My GPA is on an upward trend but is still not so hot.
I believe I've been prone to depression (never have been officially diagnosed) for over five years now. All these setbacks have been really taking a toll on me recently.
I practically had a nervous breakdown after a difficult math test.
I haven't been able to sleep well and am just so worried about my GPA (after a freshman disaster) that it has been ironically negatively affecting my grades.
I really wanted to be a math major and I think I still can do it- it was just that this one math test really makes me put things in perspective.

A couple other things have been bothering me such as the fact that I haven't been in a romantic relationship since attending college, it was something I hoped to do but I am left with alcohol and friends who don't want to go clubbing because many of them already have boyfriends/girlfriends..and for overcrowding reasons, I will probably not be living in my fraternity's section next year. These have been some of my best friends in college and while I'll still be able to be in section all the time (and sleep there most of the time), it is still going to change things...I try to make it seem like things are good on the surface but inside I am crumbling.

I recently set up appointments with a counselor and had my first meeting yesterday.
I think I can make it through this semester (and I'll have to given the non-academic commitments I have made) but I think I need a break longer than summer from school. I think I need a break to sort things out in my personal life and hopefully I'll be able to return to campus a better student and happier person.

However, a problem is that my parents aren't very understanding of these things (both Te dominant) and would probably not approve of me taking a leave- up to the point that they would probably stop paying for college...I don't think that some 'quack therapist' (as my parents think of therapy) would be able to convince them that taking a leave is appropriate.

I have two questions.
1.) Would taking a leave help given I use it to sort out my personal problems?
2.) If my parents choose to be financially stingy and not understanding, I will obviously not take the leave, how do I sort things out without doing so?

Thanks in advance..

There's a lot going on here. You're trying to figure out whether you're living life the "correct way," trying to resolve questions like whether you're depressed, what it means to be happy, what you're good at, and what you should do.

IMO, taking a break by fully disengaging from school is not a good idea. It's hard to get back into the groove once you're out, and you'll probably just end up wandering around for a while (few years) after that. Stay enrolled in school. If you need to take a light semester, do that. Take a couple BS performance art classes if your school offers something like that (for example, I took African Drumming and Music of Bali one semester). Your parents will be more understanding, you'll keep your focus, and you'll still have a little break. You should check with your school, though, to see if taking 1 or 2 classes is allowed.

In that semester, I would, ideally, try and address some of the concerns you have by getting adequate sleep, exercising regularly, and spending time with good friends. I wouldn't worry so much about the depression, as doing the other stuff will take care of it, so long as you trust that it will. A big part of depression, IMO, is worrying about being depressed and how to "fix" it. Just consider that you'll learn how to work with it by doing the other stuff and it won't bother you so much anymore.

 

[Giggly]

Mondo, can you get one of those study abroad internships or whatever you call them? Those are basically licenses to take time off and travel while still being classified as a student still. If you can't do that, I'd take hearts advice and take some easy classes.

Also, I know this is risky but have you tried talking to your parents and telling them the situation that you are in? I know they could possibly feel disappointed and you may be deathly afraid of disappointing them, but I think they'd end up feeling the need to help you get things together if you tell them that you are having a hard time, especially if it means a lot to them that you do well. I find it hard to believe that a parent who is paying for a Duke education for their child would push them further down when they are feeling down. This would be better for your life in the long run.

 

[Mystic Zealot]

Funny thing is that im actually in class right now posting to you guys. But taking a leave from college for a break in my opinion isn't the best idea. I currently have a theory of what kind of work load works best. I noticed that when i go full time, that is when it seem to be most stressed out because all of the classes overlap each other to a point where it becomes tiring mentally and physically. First it depends on how you schedule your classes, most of my friends span their classes monday through thursday if not friday. That in my opinion is wreckless when you can schedule your classes to be only 2 days a week. I was full time at the beginning of this semester but a class had got canceled, but before that i only had class 2 days a week. Its perfect, one day one off then on, and bam 4 days off again. Pretty sweet stuff, also it can make it easier to mix an online class into the mix to make it even more relaxing and smoothe. I hate math personally, so im gonna take that last. Another way to relieve any anxiety is chilling with friends either in between those days or on the weekends because it take your mind off the work that needs to be done. If your one who doesnt have very many accessible friends then i highly recommend picking up a game that you can blow off steam in, such as console gaming that takes advantage of using a microphone, or a mmo game such as wow or even runescape lol, everyone needs to release stress. If those things dont appeal to you find something that does and put massive effort into it, setup an ebay store or something hehe. By conviently spacing out your work loads it becomes more managible. Try going as a part time student, and see how that works, sure it make take a little bit longer to get your degree, but you'll be happy when you get your degree knowing that its was just smoothe sailing. Sure some people have different view and techniques about how that manage to get through college, but taking a break shouldn't ever be an option, it'll be hard to get back into it. At my college we have what we call "the table" where people chill and talk about random shit in between classes and have a good laugh. There is one at every college my friend, anyone can vouch for it, try it out they won't ignore you. That's my opinion, i know someone will critique my methods, but hey i just typed out this long ass paragraph in the middle of class lololol

 

[NewEra]

Yeah you may want to consider taking a break by taking easy classes for a semester or two like heart said. But you always have to keep your head up high, don't give up if there's something you want to do. I had some pretty bad grades too in college for a stretch, and was considering staying an extra year but I realized I could pull through it without that. But if you think you need it, then do an extra year/semester.

 

[Tiny Army]

I'm taking a leave of absence right now! It's great. I'm really enjoying the time to work on more personal projects and I've had a lot of time to plan my epic return next semester. I am filled with a renewed energy and am SO AMPED to go back to school.

Taking a break isn't giving up, it's taking a break! You can go back any time you want. School and classes will still be there when you're done figuring stuff out. Pretty much every ENTP I know took a break from college at some point. It's not like you have to finish your undergraduate degree at 22 on the dot. My mum didn't get her BA until she was in her 30s and she's getting her PhD now at 43!

Here's some ideas that might get your parents on your side.

Possibly try getting an internship for the semester you take off so your parents will feel like you're not just using it to dick around.

Explain that your GPA will begin to drop if you keep working at this pace.

During the leave of absence, keep busy and keep presenting your parents with examples of your work to reassure them that you're going right back once you feel better.

 

[FDG]

If you feel like it's going to help, it will very likely help.

 

[Mondo]

Thanks for your advice!
For now, I have plans to make it through the rest of this semester for sure- see how I'm doing towards the end and figure out what I should do from there.
I can hang on for now and I guess that's all that matters..

 

[Mondo]

The only thing of relief is that I found out I didn't do that badly on that math test which stressed me out so much... I got a B,
Better than failing like I thought I did..I freaked out, guessed on a few of the problems, but it turned out many of my 'guesses' were actually correct answers.

I will probably be able to make it through this semester. If I do, I can also stick with the Math major.
I'll have to see how well therapy works.
I have been diagnosed with mixed anxiety/depression disorder... not surprising, since the two often go hand in hand.

Hopefully, the treatment helps so that I can successfully get through the rest of college..it has actually been working so far.
I feel less anxious about many things in life.

 

[miked277]

my advice which i believe will help (even if just a little) both with stress and your course work is to exercise regularly. you don't have to do excessive amounts, but generally i find that regular aerobic (running, cycling, etc) exercise is a great way to ease a lot of stress and tension in the body. essentially, exercise is nature's anti-depressant. as well it increases blood flow to the brain which then helps your brain function more effectively (re: you get smarter!). if you do some googling you'll find the science behind all this but, suffice it to say, it's true!!!

of coruse, a third nice little benefit is the actual getting in shape part. cause i mean, who doesn't want to look good naked? am i right?

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Good advice, mike.

Moved from Other Psych.