"turned" was for dramatic effect. it was more like a fairly rapid ideological change. (isfj - esfj - intj - intp - entp)
bunch of shit happened to me in childhood (parents = cluster of mental disorders) that really repressed any encouragement of individuality or love. mother was also fundamentalist christian who demanded complete submission of her children and their identities. i found no value in myself growing up and desired only to serve others complete and utter state of normlessness at home - looked at the media and television for an idea of how to navigate the "real world" and learn how to be a woman and human being. what i learned as a teenager was that looks are everything (and what i learned due to our family secrets was that image was everything). began a legacy of objectifying myself and wanted desperately to look "perfect" .. because if i were outwardly beautiful, i thought, everybody would love me. if i were the prettiest girl in the world, men and women would love me. also a deeply, deeply empathetic individual. was an utterly self-loathing ISFJ.
came to college bright and shining and very extroverted. (ESFJ) my only confidence derived from the way i looked. i had transformed myself into a beautiful, shiny abercrombie & fitch ad. very conscious of appearances. received a lot of attention from guys. felt prized, felt i was worth something. didn't really give a shit about school. middle of the semester - suffered an undiagnosed medical condition that crippled my self esteem. realized that i had no sense of self or internal sense of value and that i derived everything from a guy's physical appraisal. realized something was horribly wrong with me. ;;
realized how highly political my shallowness was (i would judge people based on appearances). hated myself even more. ("i was no altruist - i was a political pawn created by insecurity and ethnocentrism! SHIT") became highly INTJ. could see "through" people. became very cynical of people. saw how political and self-seeking people were even though they were unaware of it. hated the world - sought an immutable "eternal" to root myself to outside of transient sensory perceptions. obsessed with rationality and wanting people to make "sense" - deconstructed other people to their most basic components. dealt with others in an impersonal manner due to hatred for my past bigotry and revolt at their own. everything was done efficiently.
forgave myself after realizing i was a victim as well, began wanting to understand the world around me completely. saw the interconnectedness of my actions and behaviors as well as those of others within a complex system. fascination with paradox and logic, obsession with acquiring more thorough knowledge. INTP phase.
now, i'm a generally happy, hard-working ENTP. claimed back my confidence, began to think in an un-linear fashion. started to make connections, to jump around between facts and observations. started to see patterns everywhere, began exercising my imagination, seeing things holistically, intuiting like a maniac. just on a joyride of fun that is LIFE. haha. enjoy the complex, enjoy challenge. when pensive, my introverted thinking (ti) leaps up and furiously incorporates new information into my pre-existing frameworks. this is a very cute thing to witness. my introverted feeling fi is also stronger than my fe, which is very cool for me.
what do you guys think? has anyone else had an mbti "journey?" (a journey into a complete reversal of functions even .. woah woah).