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  1. #1
    Member Nickels's Avatar
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    Default Best of both worlds. INTJ Dad, ESFP mom.

    I feel that truly intelligent people are well rounded, not specialist. Not saying that some one who is a specialist is unintelligent in any manner. Just that the more well rounded you are the better off you are.

    I have always prided my self in the ability to switch, to change on the fly, the very essence of "P", there is no right or wrong, only shades of gray. Small changes in plans are no big deal, if there is a plan, its always a lose allocation of ideas, never something written in stone.

    However I was raised with 2 very opposing forces in my life as a child. That had very different views on right and wrong, black and white. Shades of gray.

    I would like to discuss the psychological effects of being ENTP, being raised by an INTJ, and an ESFP.

    Naturally from a young age I had schedule, not any schedule mind you. But my fathers strict and rigorous schedule. Only looking back now as a man do I realize how strict it really was. From a young age my father instilled in me the importance of reading, math, science, exercise, diet, finishing the job you start, schedule, being on time, and most importantly how to control people.

    We started young, at the age of 7, my father bought me a Chess set and went about teaching me how to "play the game".

    Any one who knows an INTJ very well will understand the importance of Chess and large scale strategy. My father gave me tips on how to control my teachers, my class mates, my siblings and my mother. The never ending goal was to teach me that I could get what I wanted, most of the time, but at the same time tricking the other person into thinking that's what they wanted as well.

    Only now as an adult do I fully understand the depth of the things he taught me at such a young age. How it effects everything I do, I have this underlying strategic system that dictates my every day actions. This is more or less like the televisions in George Orwell's 1984, I can turn it down, but never off. This code of conduct could more or less be seen as my moral compass.


    The world is a game and most people are pawns, some are kings and queens. However I believe it is the INTJ's that play, not the pieces them selves.


    Now, couple this man with the most typical ESFP woman you can imagine. Fell in love at 15, abortion at 16, married a few times, new places, new towns, new people, did you do anything new today? How about we try something new, or eat someplace new? We can go on vacation somewhere we've NEVER BEEN BEFORE?! doesn't that sound exciting?

    With my mothers lacking Ni function she never really seemed to understand anything I was saying...ever. But we(my INFJ brother and I) were put through the rigorous system of newness my mother decided was necessary for children. All the while I would get to practice my "chess game" with all the new kids I got to play with. And although I never really got along well with her growing up, other than the obvious MBTI reasons why we didn't get along, I always thought her advice from a young age was stupid and worthless. Always about how to interact with children, or how to deal with situations. Where as when I went to my father for advice I would find practical uses for just about everything he said. Her advice always seemed to be filled with concern for others "feelings" something INTJ dad and I never really discussed. Feelings, other peoples and our own were something foreign, other than his nightly kiss on the forehead before bed, until I turned 10. Then as dad said "its time to cut that shit out son, your not a kid any more"

    ESFP mother thought it would be a good idea to take INFJ brother and I to church on random sundays. When I would come home, INTJ father would ask me what the service was about, I would tell him, then he would go through our Bible and point out all the hypocrisy with in the church service. He did this every time our mother took us to Church, so she eventually stopped taking us.

    I learned from her how to deal with those less intelligent than you, but who hold more power over you. It is a difficult task that I think most ENTPs take a very long time to learn. Growing up I hated this fact, how I could find logical reasons why it was a bad idea to do what ever the hell my ESFP mother wanted to do, yet she still seemed to pull her trump card on us that " life's not fair and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do" usually I would do what every the hell I wanted to do anyways, but that is besides the point.

    She taught me the importance of experiencing through the 5 senses. That not all of life was just about ideas and the hypothetical. Keeping an eye about you and yours and certain other things only an ESFP mother can teach. Really keeping my feet on the ground while my father kept my head in the clouds.



    So The real question is how have your parents MBTI helped shape your world. I am an ENTP however I understand the values of ESFP and INTJ very well.

    Lets go to a new place and control every one there? Seems reasonable for the ENTP with the INTJ father and ESFP mother eh?


    P.S
    One of my favorite games to play as a child would be to find another child I disliked, and to see how many children I could use to make his or her life a living hell. I was a pretty terrible kid.

  2. #2
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Best of both worlds. INTJ Dad, ESFP mom.
    So your mom is a slut and your dad is a jaded asshole?

  3. #3
    Member Nickels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    So your mom is a slut and your dad is a jaded asshole?

    Yeah Id say being married to the same man for 30 years is pretty slutty. Every one makes mistakes. And as an INTJ I'm sure you do just a bit of controlling of the masses. Also my father publicly is the nicest man most people know. However its another side of him I get to see. I don't think ANYONE has ever called my father an asshole or thought such a statement. Guys just to good at getting you to believe your getting what you want.

  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Wow. It was a great read, thanks for sharing.

    As for my childhood, I was an only child (INFP). My mom is an ENFP and my dad is an ISTP. What you have here are two very different styles of love. My mom would tell me she loved me and give me emotional support, while my dad would carry on a decent conversation about whatever I had on mind (didn't mind my Ne acting up as I was developing), would provide me with physical things to make me happy (to this day I remember when he got me a super nintendo for my 9th birthday and how he smiled when I opened it), and I could just generally "get away" with my dad. My mom would often smother me, and I was thankful my dad was a fellow introvert. He would take me to places (quiet places) like the mountains to hike, or a day trip to the woods. Things like that.

    I learned from my dad how to use most every tool there is (ISTP stereotype I know) and I would help him with his projects. He also taught me how to play music (he is a professional drummer, been doing it since he was 8 and he is now 54.). My dad didn't really teach my anything like yours did, but he was there for me when I needed someone but not my smothering mom. I guess he taught me to be a good person, I wanted to treat my dad well because he treated me so well.

    As for my mom, I think she taught me how to deal with people. She is over emotional and worries about everything and nothing all at the same time (very annoying.). She would often have her friends over or want me to make new friends when I didn't really need them, so I learned how to talk to her without offending her.

    My parents divorced when I was 3. I was traded around, mom on weekends and dad during the week. My dad got remarried to an ESTJ a few years later (an extremely unhealthy one at that). This is where I was really tested in life, to deal with my opposite. I was basically forced to develop my inferiors (Si and Te) in order to effectively communicate and get my way (which was usually what I felt was right). The only thing I can really thank my step mom for other than making my life a living hell for 7 years, is balancing me out cognitively, indirectly assisting my inferior development at a young age. I usually blame this for how assertive I am and how I use my inferiors (which is a lot, this is thought to be unusual.).

    There's mine.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5
    Senior Member Darjur's Avatar
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    My childhood was pretty similar.
    INTJ dad, ESFP mom.
    Just and an ENFP sister.

  6. #6
    Member Nickels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darjur View Post
    My childhood was pretty similar.
    INTJ dad, ESFP mom.
    Just and an ENFP sister.

    Ah add an INFJ brother for me. Makes things a little weird sometimes. Was your childhood really pretty similar? If so in what ways? I'm rather interested to compare considering the similarities with in our upbringing.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Darjur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nickels View Post
    Ah add an INFJ brother for me. Makes things a little weird sometimes. Was your childhood really pretty similar? If so in what ways? I'm rather interested to compare considering the similarities with in our upbringing.
    I had a similar upbringing designed to stimulate me, thought in different ways.

    My father thought me the basics in several ancient languages, taught me a lot of history, electronics, engineering, physics, biology, chemistry, carpentry. He also taught me absolutely everything I currently know about metallurgy and various other materials, how to manipulate them and the like as that was what his degree was based on, I used to go to his work and help him around there and he basically told out loud everything he was doing and why he did it.
    We used to make mini rockets, radio controlled airplanes, I think I still have a miniature 3 legged robot we built on my shelf, that keeps falling every 10 or so steps because we couldn't figure out how to balance it's walking pattern, all of these come from his father who had a double major of electrical engineering and mechanical engineering. We also made small bombs, which were kind of a blast to detonate.

    The only real family tradition we have is the older generation are to teach the younger generation what they know. Lithuania as a whole is a culture where intelligence is considered to be the highest value.


    He mostly thought me the academia, the only form of teachings I got from him on how to control people was a very mechanical crash course on expressions, eye-movements and a way as to how to present myself and a fairly in depth teaching of diplomacy, not to control people, but to get out of trouble when I'm in it and that has been probably the most useful thing he has ever taught me.
    He generally used to take me to auditoriums, lectures, presentations. He used to constantly give me what we refer to as "mind benders", the first being the infamous Rubik's cube ending with a random form of competition, be it with cards, chess, or something like that.

    Although, I wouldn't quite say that the relationship with my mom was like yours thought.
    My mother is lecturer of Linguistics. She basically taught me the arts, she taught me how to play the piano and the violin, also taught me how to draw, sculpt, how to speak officially, write/read. I do have to say thought, she does annoy me greatly with her reliance on "chit-chat" and traditions. We do have great debates on the subject of traditions thought. I think my father installed the position that "Because I say so" is not an answer.
    I did have great trouble with her thinking that I'm a bit "too secluded and autistic", where she would arrange situations where I should "socialize with other my age" as to which I usually took the approach of exist, stage left.



    Needless to say, I had nearly no social life till I was well into my teenage years. Personally I see a lot of similarities and differences here, but I guess we both had "unusual" childhoods.

    Oh yes, me and my sister used to beat the shit out of each other until I became ~7 after that I was both stronger, larger and faster than her. (She originally had a 5 year advantage on me.) From the start of my teen years thought, we have a great relationship.

  8. #8
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    I certainly feel both INTJ and ESFP in me pretty much. Though I'd say my mum is an ENFJ and my dad is an ISTP.

  9. #9
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    it's interesting to see that so far, you've typed all men in your family/friends as N and all women as S.

    this is very interesting.
    we fukin won boys

  10. #10
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    wait what the fuck? this thread is old balls.
    we fukin won boys

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