[NT] "Why do you hate me?"

[LostInNerSpace]

How are you supposed to answer this question?

Particularly when you don't really like the person asking.

How do you know the person hate's you? Why do you care if you don't like them?

 

[Costrin]

"I didn't hate you until you asked me that question".

 

[proteanmix]

How are you supposed to answer this question?

Particularly when you don't really like the person asking.

This depends on if you want the situation resolved or not. Are you content disliking this person and comfortable with the person knowing you hate them? From your posts I'm guessing this is a parent. It could've been asked out of honest frustration and not attempts to manipulate. The relationship with your parents is one I would invest working towards a resolution/understanding. Ask yourself a few questions:

1. Why don't I like my parents?
2. What have they done to earn my dislike?
3. Are my reasons for disliking them valid? I guess you all need to figure out what's valid and invalid, but until you're independent of your parents have they have trump card.

It would be deeply unsettling for my parents to believe I hate them besides the usual turbulent teenage/parent relationship. It would signify major fissures within the relationship. I don't know what the relationship between you and your parents are so I'm reluctant to go into any more detail. If you believe your parents love you and are doing the best they can and know how to do with you then I think it's worth trying to work something out or at least have a few heart to hearts to understand each others ways more.

Now that I'm a little older I'm appreciating more and more how my parents raised me and what they invested in my siblings and I. Looking back at our relationships they'll admit where they made wrong decisions and handled situations badly and I can see how I was being rebellious and difficult.

 

[Haphazard]

I don't get it. Shouldn't it be the other way around? They should hate me. Because, of course, I'm an ungrateful little brat who lives in their house and eats their food.

Projection, perhaps? I mean, he did ask me why he didn't drop me off at a Nebraska hospital and leave me there.

 

[Blackmail!]

Are you really full of hate, little Hap'?

I don't think so. Hatred is for subjective people; I mean, for people who are stupid enough to hate you.

Unless, of course, you hate yourself. But frankly, you shouldn't. You are amazingly intelligent for a teen, it's almost disturbing.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

1. Because you play childish games like asking me "why do you hate me" instead of "can you help me understand why we don't get along."
2. Many other reasons, where shall I start?

 

[Darjur]

I tend to answer. Because you tend to ask questions which I have no answer for.

 

[ygolo]

If the person asking is an insecure INTP like me, I would be as precise as possible in answering, but still truthful.

It's common for teenage girls to dislike their dad, for instance. But hate is a strong word.

If you dislike, but don't hate him, the say that. again, assurance that you don't hate him goes a long way.

Tell him why you dislike him. What does he do that grates on you?

 

[Haphazard]

It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I think I know.

He talks to me like I'm retarded, like I can't even understand basic English. He mocks me constantly. That's all he knows how to do, either to amuse himself or because I can't understand basic commands.

And he wonders why I never talk to him.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I think I know.

He talks to me like I'm retarded, like I can't even understand basic English. He mocks me constantly. That's all he knows how to do, either to amuse himself or because I can't understand basic commands.

And he wonders why I never talk to him.

I think people do that when they're not at ease. I certainly have seen myself slip into critical and teasing frames when I've felt like something was gonna go wrong. The "why do you hate me" is another sign that he needs validation and approval.

Edit: If you need me to explain it in simpler terms, I can.

 

[Anja]

I think the whole family is just going through that necessary and difficult phase, Haphazard. Unless there's another larger and unspoken issue it's just normal stuff.

The deal is that both sides need to make adjustments to get through it.

 

[Tiltyred]

It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I think I know.

He talks to me like I'm retarded, like I can't even understand basic English. He mocks me constantly. That's all he knows how to do, either to amuse himself or because I can't understand basic commands.

And he wonders why I never talk to him.

Tell him that. That's a good, specific answer.

 

[runvardh]

I had a mother who did this. By about 12 I'd list the things I hated what she did, then tell her I loved her dispite all that. At 16 I would flat out tell her if she didn't know the answer she never would. My mother was a backhanded sucker for my approval though; until one of us became an adult.

 

[Hexis]

How are you supposed to answer this question?

A line I've used before, "Cause If I was you I'd killed myself a long time ago." It seems to cover everything...they dont like it very much though lol.

 

[Tallulah]

It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I think I know.

He talks to me like I'm retarded, like I can't even understand basic English. He mocks me constantly. That's all he knows how to do, either to amuse himself or because I can't understand basic commands.

And he wonders why I never talk to him.

Tell him that. That's a good, specific answer.

Agreed.

My dad is a good guy, but he's always vacillated between wanting us to be close and wanting to amuse himself by pushing my buttons and then being surprised we weren't closer. I never hated him, but I did resent him saying things to irritate me, then punishing me for being disrespectful when I reacted LIKE HE PREDICTED I would in the first place. Grr.

 

[ygolo]

I agree as well. But I suggest you state the issues as calmly as possible, so that "blame" doesn't come across, only the problems you have with his behavior.

If nothing else, you know you have leveled with him.

 

[Thursday]

I don't hate you, i just don't know you that well, and i'm not good at letting people in.

 

[01011010]

Tell him exactly what you stated here, regarding the way he speaks to you etc.

 

[entropie]

If you want a message to be delivered, just let me know. I deliver on time

---

No, sounds like a pretty stuck situation and he doesnt seem very nicely. What you said in your last comment, you probably should tell him, like 01011010 said.

To the general problem I just can say that one day you are going to have a family of your own and then you dont need people who bring you down nomore. As sad as it sounds, you can choose your friends but not your family :/

 

[Samurai Drifter]

my typical response to that goes as follows

*snobby look*

I don't hate you- hating takes too much effort.

So true.

My attitude towards the people who would ask me that could be described as indifference mixed with slight distaste.