Maybe posting about this will clear the air for me, or allow others to possibly, even hopefully, offer their insight. I'll start off slow, with a simple analogy. I feel like I've been playing cats crade throughout my life, this being related to brain activity for those watching at home, and somewhere along the line, somebody tied a knot in my string, and I kept trying to go to the next step, kept thinking about the knot, and the more I did this, the bigger the knot became. Honestly I think about things to the point where nothing makes sense anymore. I think of a hundred different ways I could do things, or a hundred different ways things could unfold, and after awhile none of them seem even remotely right.
I guess, what I'm trying to say is...how can I untie my string? How can I channel this, if you will into, something productive that doesn't depress me? The times I'm most happy is when I'm with a group of people without enough time to react to or think at all. It just all has to come natural. I don't know, most of the times I'd probably delete this whole thing because even I don't understand it, but hey, maybe you will?