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  1. #191
    Junior Member Starry Cosmos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Hello Starry Cosmos.
    Hello Jock, nice to meet you! I like superheroes and your jammies.

  2. #192
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry Cosmos View Post
    I'm curious as to why you say you experience confused feelings with women you're not interested in.
    Not completely sure. It's sort of like I don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her I'm not interested, but I know I probably do worse by pushing her away. It probably easier to avoid and push away.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry Cosmos View Post
    It makes me wonder how you get to the point of needing to push them away. If you're not interested in or attracted to someone how do you reach a place where there is any ambivalance? Could you be sending off stronger mixed signals than you realize?

    Could it be that it's a push/pull game where you get some emotional needs met (flattered, adored, feel attractive, etc.) but you're not so inclined to return the feelings?
    Absolutely, I do unintentionally send mixed signals. I'm well aware of that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry Cosmos View Post
    Could it be that it's a push/pull game where you get some emotional needs met (flattered, adored, feel attractive, etc.) but you're not so inclined to return the feelings?
    These are women I'm not attracted to. Nobody is attracted to everyone. Some people do a better job of letting people down easily.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry Cosmos View Post
    Which type of high self-esteem woman attracts you?
    It's not higher self-esteem itself that attracts me. I'm attracted to attractive extroverts and they generally tend to come with higher self-esteem just because of who they are.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry Cosmos View Post
    The one who would ignore your attempts to push her away (would see past the "I'm not a nice person" inner script)? Or the one who might not invest much time in you if she thought you were playing hard to get?
    I'm making a distinction between women I'm not attracted to and women I am attracted to. This is about women I am not attracted to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry Cosmos View Post
    I'm thinking that high self-esteem men let a woman know early enough not to invest too many feelings in them. The nicest brush off that I ever received came from a guy who let me know that he liked me very much but wasn't in a place in his life to take things any further. Even if he wasn't 100% honest in why he was brushing me off, I went away liking and respecting him even more. Stating it or even writing that kind of message early enough shows class and allows someone to move on. It's too hard to interpret someone's ambivalent feelings.
    I agree. This would be the ideal to aim for. My self-esteem needs work, just like most of the population as far as I can see. I work on it continually. It's a process. I find it's very rare to come across people with high self-esteem. But they are usually easy enough to spot.

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