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  1. #181
    Senior Member chatoyer's Avatar
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    Marie--

    Find another NT who isn't a self-involved prick--but you gotta have self-respect and protect your heart from those who don't deserve your love and care.

    I promise you there are good NTs out there who will have all the qualities this guy has, and they will treat you respectfully and you'll see this part as wasted time.

  2. #182
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chatoyer View Post
    Marie--

    Find another NT who isn't a self-involved prick--but you gotta have self-respect and protect your heart from those who don't deserve your love and care.

    I promise you there are good NTs out there who will have all the qualities this guy has, and they will treat you respectfully and you'll see this part as wasted time.
    This is good advice, Marie.

    If you were a teenager, I'd just roll my eyes and say, "Well, there's no talking her out of it; she's gotta learn the hard way." But since you're my age, I'm going to guess this isn't the first guy that you've pined away for and wasted time on, only to realize either he was a jerk, or just wasn't interested. Find someone who wants to be with you, and who won't make you jump through hoops or try to push your buttons. Life's too short. Seriously.
    Something Witty

  3. #183
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    If you were a teenager, I'd just roll my eyes and say, "Well, there's no talking her out of it; she's gotta learn the hard way."
    Us INFPs don't easily give up our teenagerish ideals when it comes to love. The best you can hope for is that we become bitter and cynical, and then once those wounds heal we integrate our teenagerish ideals in more moderate and realistic ways.

    A few lucky INFPs get it right the first time. I envy and hate them!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    That's not his "INTJ side" (if he's INTP). It's him.


    She is using the whole INTJ business as an excuse to be mad and hate on him without tarnishing his sexy INTP side. It's a way to be mad at him without really being mad at him.

    Marie, why did you put quotes around "in love" in your first post? What is it you really feel for him? I suggest you reflect on that.

  4. #184
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    Quote Originally Posted by chatoyer View Post
    Marie--

    Find another NT who isn't a self-involved prick--but you gotta have self-respect and protect your heart from those who don't deserve your love and care.

    I promise you there are good NTs out there who will have all the qualities this guy has, and they will treat you respectfully and you'll see this part as wasted time.
    Back to cave.

  5. #185
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    awww...sweet marie. they're trying to help....i haven't read everything about him but you owe it to yourself to be with someone who feels the same way about you....a one sided love affair is never a good thing for anyone...sometimes...you just have to admire a piece of work and let go of the desire to possess it...you know...just see it for what it is...be glad you saw it...and then turn around and leave...you know?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #186
    Senior Member chatoyer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie View Post
    Back to cave.
    I'm sorry!

    I just know as an NF we can get lost in potentials about people and end up getting hurt. It can be especially hard with an NT who is unique and who you have fabulous conversations with, the bond between NF and NT is really special and cool and it's hard to let that go.

    That connection can blind you and impair your judgment when it comes to his character, pay a lot of attention to how he treats you. You don't want to be doing potential-seeking and therapy in your own relationship.

    Find and/or wait for the great NT guy who has all this guy's unique qualities, but the guy who sees your unique, wonderful qualities and appreciates you.......you're a fun, dreamy, romantic NF, you have so much to offer, so much understanding of your partner--value these great qualities in yourself enough to not just give them away to anybody.

    Be selective! (and hang in there.....)

  7. #187
    Member g_vartan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie View Post
    Back out of my cave. I want him and so I'm pursuing him. I'll give it another 6 months until I move on. There is no one else in sight anyway.

    Okay...now I understand! This guy picked on me from the beginning and stilll does. He is a master at pushing my buttons. He also proclaimed that he can't be hurt so I have been attempting to find and push his as well. Sometimes he comes back with subtle but scathing remarks that have sent me running to my therapist. I've grown thick skin over the past few months. Since he is a weak "p" perhaps it's the INTJ side that can bring me to tears? Otherwise most times he is very gentle.

    What would hurt an INTP. I tease alot and sometimes he laughs and sometimes he bites back, very hard. I haven't figured out yet what buttons are off limits.

    All I know is I LOVE HIM!!! Did I mention that?

    Not sure what your therapist advised you but this doesn't sound healthy. I really think you should move on. You need to let his behaviour do the talking, rather than analyzing his 'intentions'. Save yourself from the hurt, time and retain your pride/self-esteem. He just doesn't seem to be too into you based on what you have shared. Been there, done that...

  8. #188
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by g_vartan View Post
    Not sure what your therapist advised you but this doesn't sound healthy. I really think you should move on. You need to let his behaviour do the talking, rather than analyzing his 'intentions'. Save yourself from the hurt, time and retain your pride/self-esteem. He just doesn't seem to be too into you based on what you have shared. Been there, done that...
    g__vartan is exactly right. You like this guy because of what he does to your self-esteem. Sometimes when I'm not interested in a woman and she shows too much affection I will push her away. It's not that I'm a misogynist or anything like that. The best way I can describe it is I experience confused feelings. I don't really knowing how to deal with that situation. It's like I'm trying to say, "stay away from me, I'm not a nice person" as if to dissuade her from "going there".

    But the more I push these women away, the more they like me. Makes me wonder what would happen if were to push away women that I like. I think I know the answer. It won't have so much of an effect on women with higher self-esteem, I don't think. It's not something I could do purposefully, even if I wanted to.

    I have a hard time seeing an INFP / INTP relationship working out. That said, I have a hard time seeing myself with anyone but an ENFJ. I know a lot of other INTPs like other types, some are even happy with other introverts.

  9. #189
    Junior Member Starry Cosmos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LostInNerSpace View Post
    Sometimes when I'm not interested in a woman and she shows too much affection I will push her away. It's not that I'm a misogynist or anything like that. The best way I can describe it is I experience confused feelings. I don't really knowing how to deal with that situation. It's like I'm trying to say, "stay away from me, I'm not a nice person" as if to dissuade her from "going there".
    Everyone has to make a first post, so I'll jump in here.

    I'm curious as to why you say you experience confused feelings with women you're not interested in. It makes me wonder how you get to the point of needing to push them away. If you're not interested in or attracted to someone how do you reach a place where there is any ambivalance? Could you be sending off stronger mixed signals than you realize? Could it be that it's a push/pull game where you get some emotional needs met (flattered, adored, feel attractive, etc.) but you're not so inclined to return the feelings?

    But the more I push these women away, the more they like me. Makes me wonder what would happen if were to push away women that I like. I think I know the answer. It won't have so much of an effect on women with higher self-esteem, I don't think. It's not something I could do purposefully, even if I wanted to.
    Which type of high self-esteem woman attracts you? The one who would ignore your attempts to push her away (would see past the "I'm not a nice person" inner script)? Or the one who might not invest much time in you if she thought you were playing hard to get?

    I'm thinking that high self-esteem men let a woman know early enough not to invest too many feelings in them. The nicest brush off that I ever received came from a guy who let me know that he liked me very much but wasn't in a place in his life to take things any further. Even if he wasn't 100% honest in why he was brushing me off, I went away liking and respecting him even more. Stating it or even writing that kind of message early enough shows class and allows someone to move on. It's too hard to interpret someone's ambivalent feelings.

  10. #190
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Hello Starry Cosmos.



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