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[INTP] Please help! I'm in love with an INTp

chatoyer

New member
Joined
May 1, 2007
Messages
122
MBTI Type
eNfP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Marie--

Find another NT who isn't a self-involved prick--but you gotta have self-respect and protect your heart from those who don't deserve your love and care.

I promise you there are good NTs out there who will have all the qualities this guy has, and they will treat you respectfully and you'll see this part as wasted time.
 

Tallulah

Emerging
Joined
Feb 19, 2008
Messages
6,009
MBTI Type
INTP
Marie--

Find another NT who isn't a self-involved prick--but you gotta have self-respect and protect your heart from those who don't deserve your love and care.

I promise you there are good NTs out there who will have all the qualities this guy has, and they will treat you respectfully and you'll see this part as wasted time.

This is good advice, Marie.

If you were a teenager, I'd just roll my eyes and say, "Well, there's no talking her out of it; she's gotta learn the hard way." But since you're my age, I'm going to guess this isn't the first guy that you've pined away for and wasted time on, only to realize either he was a jerk, or just wasn't interested. Find someone who wants to be with you, and who won't make you jump through hoops or try to push your buttons. Life's too short. Seriously.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
If you were a teenager, I'd just roll my eyes and say, "Well, there's no talking her out of it; she's gotta learn the hard way."

Us INFPs don't easily give up our teenagerish ideals when it comes to love. The best you can hope for is that we become bitter and cynical, and then once those wounds heal we integrate our teenagerish ideals in more moderate and realistic ways.

A few lucky INFPs get it right the first time. I envy and hate them! :devil:

That's not his "INTJ side" (if he's INTP). It's him.

:yes:

She is using the whole INTJ business as an excuse to be mad and hate on him without tarnishing his sexy INTP side. It's a way to be mad at him without really being mad at him.

Marie, why did you put quotes around "in love" in your first post? What is it you really feel for him? I suggest you reflect on that.
 

Marie

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
33
MBTI Type
InfP
Marie--

Find another NT who isn't a self-involved prick--but you gotta have self-respect and protect your heart from those who don't deserve your love and care.

I promise you there are good NTs out there who will have all the qualities this guy has, and they will treat you respectfully and you'll see this part as wasted time.

Back to cave.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
awww...sweet marie. they're trying to help....i haven't read everything about him but you owe it to yourself to be with someone who feels the same way about you....a one sided love affair is never a good thing for anyone...sometimes...you just have to admire a piece of work and let go of the desire to possess it...you know...just see it for what it is...be glad you saw it...and then turn around and leave...you know?
 

chatoyer

New member
Joined
May 1, 2007
Messages
122
MBTI Type
eNfP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Back to cave.

I'm sorry! :frown:

I just know as an NF we can get lost in potentials about people and end up getting hurt. It can be especially hard with an NT who is unique and who you have fabulous conversations with, the bond between NF and NT is really special and cool and it's hard to let that go.

That connection can blind you and impair your judgment when it comes to his character, pay a lot of attention to how he treats you. You don't want to be doing potential-seeking and therapy in your own relationship.

Find and/or wait for the great NT guy who has all this guy's unique qualities, but the guy who sees your unique, wonderful qualities and appreciates you.......you're a fun, dreamy, romantic NF, you have so much to offer, so much understanding of your partner--value these great qualities in yourself enough to not just give them away to anybody.

Be selective! (and hang in there.....) :)
 

g_vartan

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
61
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Back out of my cave. I want him and so I'm pursuing him. I'll give it another 6 months until I move on. There is no one else in sight anyway.

Okay...now I understand! This guy picked on me from the beginning and stilll does. He is a master at pushing my buttons. He also proclaimed that he can't be hurt so I have been attempting to find and push his as well. Sometimes he comes back with subtle but scathing remarks that have sent me running to my therapist. I've grown thick skin over the past few months. Since he is a weak "p" perhaps it's the INTJ side that can bring me to tears? Otherwise most times he is very gentle.

What would hurt an INTP. I tease alot and sometimes he laughs and sometimes he bites back, very hard. I haven't figured out yet what buttons are off limits.

All I know is I LOVE HIM!!! Did I mention that?:smile:


Not sure what your therapist advised you but this doesn't sound healthy. I really think you should move on. :yes: You need to let his behaviour do the talking, rather than analyzing his 'intentions'. Save yourself from the hurt, time and retain your pride/self-esteem. He just doesn't seem to be too into you based on what you have shared. Been there, done that...
 

LostInNerSpace

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2008
Messages
1,027
MBTI Type
INTP
Not sure what your therapist advised you but this doesn't sound healthy. I really think you should move on. :yes: You need to let his behaviour do the talking, rather than analyzing his 'intentions'. Save yourself from the hurt, time and retain your pride/self-esteem. He just doesn't seem to be too into you based on what you have shared. Been there, done that...

g__vartan is exactly right. You like this guy because of what he does to your self-esteem. Sometimes when I'm not interested in a woman and she shows too much affection I will push her away.:azdaja: It's not that I'm a misogynist or anything like that. The best way I can describe it is I experience confused feelings. I don't really knowing how to deal with that situation.:doh: It's like I'm trying to say, "stay away from me, I'm not a nice person" as if to dissuade her from "going there".

But the more I push these women away, the more they like me. Makes me wonder what would happen if were to push away women that I like. I think I know the answer. It won't have so much of an effect on women with higher self-esteem, I don't think. It's not something I could do purposefully, even if I wanted to.

I have a hard time seeing an INFP / INTP relationship working out. That said, I have a hard time seeing myself with anyone but an ENFJ. I know a lot of other INTPs like other types, some are even happy with other introverts.:thelook:
 

Starry Cosmos

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
2
MBTI Type
XNXP
Enneagram
4
Sometimes when I'm not interested in a woman and she shows too much affection I will push her away.:azdaja: It's not that I'm a misogynist or anything like that. The best way I can describe it is I experience confused feelings. I don't really knowing how to deal with that situation.:doh: It's like I'm trying to say, "stay away from me, I'm not a nice person" as if to dissuade her from "going there".

Everyone has to make a first post, so I'll jump in here. :)

I'm curious as to why you say you experience confused feelings with women you're not interested in. It makes me wonder how you get to the point of needing to push them away. If you're not interested in or attracted to someone how do you reach a place where there is any ambivalance? Could you be sending off stronger mixed signals than you realize? Could it be that it's a push/pull game where you get some emotional needs met (flattered, adored, feel attractive, etc.) but you're not so inclined to return the feelings?

But the more I push these women away, the more they like me. Makes me wonder what would happen if were to push away women that I like. I think I know the answer. It won't have so much of an effect on women with higher self-esteem, I don't think. It's not something I could do purposefully, even if I wanted to.

Which type of high self-esteem woman attracts you? The one who would ignore your attempts to push her away (would see past the "I'm not a nice person" inner script)? Or the one who might not invest much time in you if she thought you were playing hard to get?

I'm thinking that high self-esteem men let a woman know early enough not to invest too many feelings in them. The nicest brush off that I ever received came from a guy who let me know that he liked me very much but wasn't in a place in his life to take things any further. Even if he wasn't 100% honest in why he was brushing me off, I went away liking and respecting him even more. Stating it or even writing that kind of message early enough shows class and allows someone to move on. It's too hard to interpret someone's ambivalent feelings.
 

LostInNerSpace

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2008
Messages
1,027
MBTI Type
INTP
I'm curious as to why you say you experience confused feelings with women you're not interested in.

Not completely sure. It's sort of like I don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her I'm not interested, but I know I probably do worse by pushing her away. It probably easier to avoid and push away.

It makes me wonder how you get to the point of needing to push them away. If you're not interested in or attracted to someone how do you reach a place where there is any ambivalance? Could you be sending off stronger mixed signals than you realize?

Could it be that it's a push/pull game where you get some emotional needs met (flattered, adored, feel attractive, etc.) but you're not so inclined to return the feelings?

Absolutely, I do unintentionally send mixed signals. I'm well aware of that.

Could it be that it's a push/pull game where you get some emotional needs met (flattered, adored, feel attractive, etc.) but you're not so inclined to return the feelings?

These are women I'm not attracted to. Nobody is attracted to everyone. Some people do a better job of letting people down easily.

Which type of high self-esteem woman attracts you?

It's not higher self-esteem itself that attracts me. I'm attracted to attractive extroverts and they generally tend to come with higher self-esteem just because of who they are.

The one who would ignore your attempts to push her away (would see past the "I'm not a nice person" inner script)? Or the one who might not invest much time in you if she thought you were playing hard to get?

I'm making a distinction between women I'm not attracted to and women I am attracted to. This is about women I am not attracted to.

I'm thinking that high self-esteem men let a woman know early enough not to invest too many feelings in them. The nicest brush off that I ever received came from a guy who let me know that he liked me very much but wasn't in a place in his life to take things any further. Even if he wasn't 100% honest in why he was brushing me off, I went away liking and respecting him even more. Stating it or even writing that kind of message early enough shows class and allows someone to move on. It's too hard to interpret someone's ambivalent feelings.

I agree. This would be the ideal to aim for. My self-esteem needs work, just like most of the population as far as I can see. I work on it continually. It's a process. I find it's very rare to come across people with high self-esteem. But they are usually easy enough to spot.
 
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