User Tag List

First 123

Results 21 to 24 of 24

  1. #21
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bluebell View Post
    Heh, this reminds me that before I learned about MBTI, I was convinced that this was the case for me too. I was trying sooo hard to behave like an ESFJ (not that I knew what that was at the time, just in hindsight) because I thought that was what it meant to be emotionally healthy. Once I realised I could still be me but a healthier version of me, all this background anger just melted away. Turns out that hiding beneath an extreme introvert was... an extreme introvert, just with less shyness and social anxiety. LOL
    For me, it wasn't until I gave myself a chance to lead groups, to speak my mind, to get myself out there, to interact with crowds, to bounce ideas off of other people, and to organize and host parties that I realized that I loved to do it. And I found that I was good at it when I didn't let my fears get in the way! It was primarily out of anxiety, rooted in suppressive childhood events, that I went without doing so for so long.

    My shyness and social anxiety was a barrier that prevented me from seeing what was hiding beneath my extreme introversion.. once I began to overcome it, my true nature was readily apparent. Sure, during my childhood, I preferred my own company and I preferred not to partake in those sorts of extroverted activities, but I began to realize that it was because I was afraid of them.. not because I didn't like them.

    As a result of my experiences, however, I've also greatly developed my introspective side and an inner world, and I do enjoy my solitude, too.

  2. #22
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Risen View Post
    These questions may be kinda vague, but I hope someone well versed in typology can give me some answers. Can a very difficult and stressful childhood coupled with a response of emotional suppression and any other number of environmental and internal factors actually mold one into a different type (such as a thinker instead of a feeler, or I instead of E)?
    Just a few quick thoughts on this:
    1. We are not really "MBTI types," we simply are born with function preferences.
    2. The functions we get good at are based on preference; we do them more often, we become skilled.
    3. Healthy environments give us freedom to develop our natural preferences; unhealthy environments force us to learn coping mechanisms that are not our natural bent.
    4. The more extreme that disparity is (i.e., the more we have to suppress natural inclination), the larger the internal conflict between who we are naturally and who we are being forced to be. This causes a lot of problems in life.

    In a healthy setting, we do not feel guilt over developing our innate preferences; and we also are stretched just enough to develop an appreciation with other preferences ... and perhaps even develop those some by our own choice. It's when the other preferences are imposed over the natural ones that disruption occurs and then a host of other emotions interfere (such as frustration, anger, shame, disappointment, self-loathing, etc.)

    If so, does that mean that what we were before is still our most "natural" way of functioning, our true type, or are we forever changed? This is assuming that we start out very very early in life with a definite type preference. I guess I'm wondering, if one is forced to carry extreme burdens in the stage of life when we are rapidly developing our personalities and developing our sense of self, how much of an effect can that have on transforming our personalities, and is there any going back?
    If you think about it as far as playing the piano, for example -- you might have had an innate skill at doing it (i.e., it might have come easier to you than others) and you would have WANTED to do it but didn't. So yes, you still have that innate ability and desire/preference; but you'd still need to give yourself opportunity to practice and develop the skill to get good at it. And that development could be influenced (strengthened/diminished) by who you have become in the meanwhile.

    Basically, the goal is "find your more natural self" and accept it and let it flower. Meanwhile, preserve what you can of the rest and use it to your advantage. I think that allows for the most development of personal potential.

    You also want to avoid "defining" yourself up front. Listen to what's inside. Go with it, while keeping a perspective on where it might lead you so you can separate mere preference from selfishness.

    Also avoid doing things just to control what others think of you. (For example, Thinkers sometimes hate showing emotion because then they feel the people around them might think they're emotional and stupid, rather than smart and thought-oriented. Don't let the "Thinker" aspect control your expressiveness; accept that you can be a good thinker at core and still show emotion to the people you care about. When we do that, we're not acting naturally; we're trying to manipulate public opinion so people can perceive us how we want them to.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #23
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    type
    Posts
    9,100

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Just a few quick thoughts on this:
    1. We are not really "MBTI types," we simply are born with function preferences.
    Ehhh, maybe, but the preferences leading to types are easier to define, so I disagree with your "Not this but that" scheme.
    2. The functions we get good at are based on preference; we do them more often, we become skilled.
    That can be refuted by the nearly universally recognized fact that people balance with age. If practice, and therefore skill, were primarily based on preference, people would get more and more well defined until they died, which they don't.

    Additionally, I don't personally think people can necessarily improve function use, only skill at tasks. I suppose if you concentrate on every skill you can think of Ns tend to be good at, you might seem better at intuition, until a new skill comes along, and you're not.
    3. Healthy environments give us freedom to develop our natural preferences; unhealthy environments force us to learn coping mechanisms that are not our natural bent.
    Alternatively, tough environments enhance our best traits and bring unused capabilities out, making us more adept at dealing with the world in general over time.

    4. The more extreme that disparity is (i.e., the more we have to suppress natural inclination), the larger the internal conflict between who we are naturally and who we are being forced to be. This causes a lot of problems in life.
    Related to the above: Sometimes conflict enhances our abilities and our character. Look at some of the Emperors of Rome, who were given whatever they wanted.



    You also want to avoid "defining" yourself up front. Listen to what's inside. Go with it, while keeping a perspective on where it might lead you so you can separate mere preference from selfishness.
    I've gone through the greatest periods of frustration when in denial, and I've seen others do it as well. We convince ourselves that we're just as capable as the next guy at something we're not, and will never be, and it leads to wasted effort and disappointment.

    Also avoid doing things just to control what others think of you. (For example, Thinkers sometimes hate showing emotion because then they feel the people around them might think they're emotional and stupid, rather than smart and thought-oriented.
    I think people actually do this far, far less than it's reported (On this site, for example.) I simply cannot count the times an F (Not just here, IRL as well) has projected what they assume I should be feeling at any given time, and will refuse to believe I just don't care about something "Important."

  4. #24
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    1,478

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tinkerbell View Post
    I'd also say that psycologists can do more damage than they fix
    Agreed (from personal experience).

    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    For me, it wasn't until I gave myself a chance to lead groups, to speak my mind, to get myself out there, to interact with crowds, to bounce ideas off of other people, and to organize and host parties that I realized that I loved to do it. And I found that I was good at it when I didn't let my fears get in the way! It was primarily out of anxiety, rooted in suppressive childhood events, that I went without doing so for so long.

    My shyness and social anxiety was a barrier that prevented me from seeing what was hiding beneath my extreme introversion.. once I began to overcome it, my true nature was readily apparent. Sure, during my childhood, I preferred my own company and I preferred not to partake in those sorts of extroverted activities, but I began to realize that it was because I was afraid of them.. not because I didn't like them.
    Yeah, that's what I thought was going to be the case for me when I started working through all this stuff. I thought that my extreme shyness and social anxiety was masking extraversion, but that turned out not to be the case. I've mostly overcome all that shyness and social anxiety but am still very introverted. I'm quite chatty if I need to be, I introduce myself to new people at work or meetings or conferences, run meetings, give presentations etc etc. It's an effort and I'm often pretty exhausted afterwards, but there's no more anxiety, just an occasional bit of nervousness before a difficult meeting.

    I do all my thinking internally - I almost never think aloud and if I do, it's to process emotional stuff, not to refine ideas or plan stuff. I am perfectly content to spend a week talking to nobody but my partner, and even then, it's mostly silence. I dislike crowds and noise. I've made myself host parties and dinner parties. It's ok once in a while but I'm always relieved when everyone goes home at the end.

    Experiences like yours and mine are what makes me a little annoyed when people make assumptions that shyness = introversion. Shyness/social anxiety is on a different axis to innate introversion and extraversion.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

Similar Threads

  1. [NT] Defining Moments in the making of an NT.
    By ladypinkington in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 136
    Last Post: 07-15-2012, 06:42 PM
  2. [NT] How often do you (as an NT) dream?
    By DigitalMethod in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 07-15-2008, 10:30 PM
  3. This is how you REALLY seduce an NT female
    By nozflubber in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 06-27-2008, 09:31 PM
  4. [NT] What Compels An NT to Cheat?
    By LadyJaye in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 11-23-2007, 01:13 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO