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Thread: INTP Addiction

  1. #31
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post

    Phew. That's nice to know. It does seem though that he still has not made a final judgment call on me. I feel like if he did, he would count me as trustworthy on a larger scale. I'm not sure though.
    You have to understand that friendship and trust for INTPs does not mean he shares his feelings and personal life with you. I have had friends that I consider close for 10+ years, that I have never shared a personal detail with. Trust, for him, may be that he enjoys bouncing new ideas off of you, making observations about you or with you about something else, he thinks you are trustworthy in that regard. But if you're looking for anything more than that...I don't think most INTPs consider their personal feelings and inner minds friendship material. Some don't even consider it SO material.



  2. #32
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    You have to understand that friendship and trust for INTPs does not mean he shares his feelings and personal life with you. I have had friends that I consider close for 10+ years, that I have never shared a personal detail with. Trust, for him, may be that he enjoys bouncing new ideas off of you, making observations about you or with you about something else, he thinks you are trustworthy in that regard. But if you're looking for anything more than that...I don't think most INTPs consider their personal feelings and inner minds friendship material. Some don't even consider it SO material.
    I beg to differ, at least in the realm of NF friendships. Personal matters seems to be their bread & butter and I *AM* a better person as a result of sharing those matters with my NF friends. From a strategic standpoint alone, having a friend who can help with such matters (relationships, feelings, etc)--especially if they're much more experienced in such matters than you--is a valuable asset. These are folks who can help prevent you from walking down a bad path, and who will vouch for you if your trust & integrity ever come into question from others. It requires a varying level of what I'll call "emotional maintenance" but that's something you can determine for yourself whether it's an acceptable cost. Always has been for me.

    As for other types... yeah, I don't talk about personal stuff as much with them. It's a chiefly NF thing for me.
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

  3. #33
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    If I am any judge of the INTP's in my own life, I'd say you need to back off and not try so hard. They seem to have a sixth sense about when someone is wheedling or trying to coherce conversations and I've seen them respond to it with amusement (toying with the person) or with anger where they completely shut down or throw out one of their famous one-liners.

    They are a difficult bunch to get to know well. The ones I know hide themselves behind sarcasm, intellect... and when that fails, a weird kind of silence paired with a look that I can't really explain but it makes you feel about an inch tall. They're about the only type that can make me doubt myself and shake my confidence.

    They're my favorite type to try to figure out, followed closely by ISTJ's.

    I've found that the more you tease and joke the more interesting they become, and they only seem to open up when they're drunk. I advocate getting him a bottle of Jack.
    Embrace the possibilities.

  4. #34
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spirilis View Post
    I beg to differ, at least in the realm of NF friendships. Personal matters seems to be their bread & butter and I *AM* a better person as a result of sharing those matters with my NF friends. From a strategic standpoint alone, having a friend who can help with such matters (relationships, feelings, etc)--especially if they're much more experienced in such matters than you--is a valuable asset. These are folks who can help prevent you from walking down a bad path, and who will vouch for you if your trust & integrity ever come into question from others. It requires a varying level of what I'll call "emotional maintenance" but that's something you can determine for yourself whether it's an acceptable cost. Always has been for me.

    As for other types... yeah, I don't talk about personal stuff as much with them. It's a chiefly NF thing for me.
    Perhaps I just fall under an extreme. I don't really share my personal thoughts or problems with my relationships, feelings, etc with anybody. I tend to try to resolve them myself. Maybe my SO, but even then the prying she must do to get me to uncork is excessive and my reluctance carries over into frustration for me. So for me, if someone actively tries to get me to share that part of myself, I'll resist or indulge them [perhaps even untruthfully] just to get them off my back. I'll tell someone what they want to hear to avoid further conversation on the topic.

    But these are just things I do, maybe I was shortsighted to suggest this was a normal inclination. I just don't find that I need to share my personal self in order to be a really great friend to others.

    Quote Originally Posted by Misty_Mountain_Rose View Post
    I've found that the more you tease and joke the more interesting they become, and they only seem to open up when they're drunk. I advocate getting him a bottle of Jack.

    This is the truth! I am the world's biggest cuddly teddy bear if drunk enough. It's baffling.



  5. #35
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Rachel--I'm gonna suggest that you try not to constantly evaluate the friendship so much. I've noticed with a lot of NFs--people that I really do like a lot--if they like you, they kind of want to tie you down and rope you in, almost like you're gonna get away if they don't claim you. So they want to ask you to do a million things with them right away, invite you over to their houses immediately, want to know if they're correct in assuming that you're friends with them, etc. It's cute, in a way, but for an INTP, sometimes a bit overwhelming. It takes us a while to get comfortable with people, even if we really, really like them. Really, I'd say if you back off a wee bit and play it a bit casual, trusting that if the INTP likes you, he'll still be there, he'll probably feel closer to you faster.

    When someone is gunning for my friendship, it kind of hems me in so that I'm not really sure how I feel about them--I don't know if I'm choosing to have them as a friend, or if I've just been "claimed."
    HA! Yes! That is how I am! True, I need to learn to trust the liking and rest. The NF angst gets the best of me sometimes. Thank you for your insight and advice.

    Do you find that you ever "gun" for someone else's friendship?

  6. #36
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    HA! Yes! That is how I am! True, I need to learn to trust the liking and rest. The NF angst gets the best of me sometimes. Thank you for your insight and advice.

    Do you find that you ever "gun" for someone else's friendship?
    I do, actually. Not very often, so it's a weird feeling when it happens. Usually what happens is that I have to make a conscious effort to back off, and then, being an INTP, probably look like I have no interest whatsoever. I do think I do way better when I can tell myself to just let it be what it is, though. When a normally-cool INTP goes all chihuahua-begging-for-attention, it tends to freak people out.
    Something Witty

  7. #37
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
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    Quote Originally Posted by spirilis View Post
    The more ENF's who fall into our trap, the more prosperous our hive
    Capacity nearing critical......SPAWN MORE OVERLORDS!!


  8. #38
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I advocate getting him a bottle of Jack.
    Funny! He offered me some last night. It's his fave.

    You have to understand that friendship and trust for INTPs does not mean he shares his feelings and personal life with you..
    Hm, no, I think that it does. I mean, I think that is what he means when he is speaking of trustworthiness. He mentioned being burned in the past, so I get the sense that he would like to trust me, but he does not want to be stabbed in the back until he is sure no harm will come from me.

    This is interesting to me on a wider level because it is a skill that I would like to learn. That is, holding myself back from disclosing too much to people I do not know (well enough to trust). There is just that confessional thing that we ENFPs have. I can usually tell when I cross a line (by sharing too much), but even after being burned myself, I still trust more often than not. It seems like putting up a wall of protection until I am more sure would be better for me.

  9. #39
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I do, actually. Not very often, so it's a weird feeling when it happens. Usually what happens is that I have to make a conscious effort to back off, and then, being an INTP, probably look like I have no interest whatsoever. I do think I do way better when I can tell myself to just let it be what it is, though. When a normally-cool INTP goes all chihuahua-begging-for-attention, it tends to freak people out.
    LOL. Hasn't happened much, but I think I know what you mean. Worse yet, sometimes the forced back-off starts a negative dynamic--where the other person thinks I have something against them, and retaliate in subtle passive aggressive manners. That's never good.
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

  10. #40
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    When a normally-cool INTP goes all chihuahua-begging-for-attention, it tends to freak people out.
    That would be phenomenally ridiculous! I would hope to be front seat and center.

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