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Thread: INTP Addiction

  1. #21
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Totally agree with Jock on the "stick to ideas" thing. It's not as though we won't tell you something about our personal lives if we trust you, but we don't like being under the microscope. We'd much prefer it to just come out naturally in the course of conversation.

    Sometimes with my ENFP friend, I just feel like she wants more than I can give--if I'm in a quiet mood, she wants to know what's wrong, or if I'm mad at her or something. It makes me feel kind of anxious, b/c I don't like taking my emotional temperature every five seconds. I just want to be. And then I kind of feel like I should give her more feedback so she won't feel anxious, and it's a big circle.

    Just fyi, INTPs are rarely sitting around holding grudges for something stupid you said or did. We either a) didn't notice or b) noticed, but wrote it off as an anomaly. Heaven knows we certainly aren't in a position to judge social gaffes.
    Something Witty

  2. #22
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    I was actually thinking about that today. I think I may just accept the criticism from now on and admit defeat. Truly, I have been DEEPLY WOUNDED by your judgments of me. Babam. And then, bounce back and laugh at myself for being so ridiculous.
    Just let him know. He may think his comments are illuminating and helpful. Helping him be aware of what your boundaries are will help him, and he will most likely pay attention to them if he values your friendship. Although if you ask for criticism or help, he will most surely give it to you without pulling any punches. He will absolutely give you his honest assessment, and trust that you will be able to not be personally hurt by what he says.



  3. #23
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Our ideas, and even more importantly, their acceptance and ability to interest and intrigue others is something we love. If he shares his ideas with you, it is a great compliment to you.
    It is! It is! I only think that my expression of my delight in him sharing these ideas makes him uneasy. So, I try to act a little more aloof and usually fail. He knows I want to know, and I know he knows that I want to know. It is sort of like a game, but it is good too in a sense because he started to share something and then said to me, "I am not ready to talk about that with you yet." Which, I appreciate and in return said, "Well, you can talk about it with me if you want." And, left it at that.

    I want him to find me trustworthy, but it seems that wanting this is sort of counterproductive. He will not be coerced... and if he senses it... he backs away. Which makes me question my own motives... why do I always have this need to know? Curious!

    I also wonder if he thinks that I am as interested in his ideas the same as with everyone else. I obviously do not see him the same as everyone else and value his thoughts more.

  4. #24
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Jock, don't you roll your eyes at someone who admits to being hurt that easily though?

    Tallulah: nice to know you guys don't keep score, really
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  5. #25
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Totally agree with Jock on the "stick to ideas" thing. It's not as though we won't tell you something about our personal lives if we trust you, but we don't like being under the microscope. We'd much prefer it to just come out naturally in the course of conversation.
    Yes! I have noticed this too (he even used the phrase "you can't force it [the conversation]" and called me out on it). I wonder why the trust seems to take so long to be realized though. I don't trust everyone, but in my brain I'm like YAY! We are on the same intuitive page! Let's make the most of it! It could be because I am N-deprived in real life though (amping up my enthusiasm over having found one).

    Sometimes with my ENFP friend, I just feel like she wants more than I can give--if I'm in a quiet mood, she wants to know what's wrong, or if I'm mad at her or something. It makes me feel kind of anxious, b/c I don't like taking my emotional temperature every five seconds. I just want to be. And then I kind of feel like I should give her more feedback so she won't feel anxious, and it's a big circle.
    Yeah. I try not to ask anything of him... like in a grabbing sense to try to fulfill an emotional need I have... that seems like a bad idea (although, it is hard not to sometimes because it seems like when you have that connection, it should work that way) I mostly find it nice just to be in his company, which works well as roommates. Although, I think he does sometimes give feedback to me because he sees that I would like it, even though I do not say so. Totally appreciate that.

    Just fyi, INTPs are rarely sitting around holding grudges for something stupid you said or did. We either a) didn't notice or b) noticed, but wrote it off as an anomaly. Heaven knows we certainly aren't in a position to judge social gaffes.
    Phew. That's nice to know. It does seem though that he still has not made a final judgment call on me. I feel like if he did, he would count me as trustworthy on a larger scale. I'm not sure though.

  6. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    It does seem though that he still has not made a final judgment call on me. I feel like if he did, he would count me as trustworthy on a larger scale. I'm not sure though.
    I don't know about your roommate, but as an INTP, I don't make "final judgements."

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
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  7. #27
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Jock, don't you roll your eyes at someone who admits to being hurt that easily though?
    Well yes. It's irritating. But it's important to note that the normal ones don't do it on purpose. Our objective is usually not to hurt others. It just happens because our statements, thoughts, and observations don't come with a candy coating. That being said, I do try to avoid making hurtful comments in general because the energy required to defuse that situation is considerably higher, and not something I'm equipped to handle, than if I were to slightly change my wording. With friends this is easy to do because I have a deeper understanding of their weak points, though with strangers it's hopeless.



  8. #28
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I don't know about your roommate, but I don't make "final judgements."
    Yeah, I don't know. It's weird. Sometimes he states these observations about me that are dead on and other times he shares stuff with me and I almost feel like he's forgotten who he is talking to... and I think... wow, he must really not actually know me that well. But, I always want to give people space to be themselves, so it is an interesting balance of maintaining my identity and not blindly stepping into who he is projecting me to be (which honestly, I don't know that he believes what he says about me half the time -- often, although I cannot think of examples, the projections seem to conflict)

  9. #29
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Rachel--I'm gonna suggest that you try not to constantly evaluate the friendship so much. I've noticed with a lot of NFs--people that I really do like a lot--if they like you, they kind of want to tie you down and rope you in, almost like you're gonna get away if they don't claim you. So they want to ask you to do a million things with them right away, invite you over to their houses immediately, want to know if they're correct in assuming that you're friends with them, etc. It's cute, in a way, but for an INTP, sometimes a bit overwhelming. It takes us a while to get comfortable with people, even if we really, really like them. Really, I'd say if you back off a wee bit and play it a bit casual, trusting that if the INTP likes you, he'll still be there, he'll probably feel closer to you faster.

    When someone is gunning for my friendship, it kind of hems me in so that I'm not really sure how I feel about them--I don't know if I'm choosing to have them as a friend, or if I've just been "claimed."
    Something Witty

  10. #30
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    I say, slow down and give it time. Now that I'm thinking about it, my one (female) ENFP friend's got to know me slowly, over the past 5 years, a little bit at a time, increasingly personal & private matters along the way... and that friendship I feel has a very rock-solid foundation to it as a result.

    I'm impatient as anyone else myself so I guess I understand, but just give it time.
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

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