[NT] Hurt feelings and NT's

[miss fortune]

Yeah- if you manage to get through my armor, which I've spent years constructing carefully, you can have the ability to hurt me.

It makes me fucking resentful of the feelers out there who can manage to do something when hurt.

It rarely happens, but when it actually does I'm lost in a way. I can't cry.

 

[A Schnitzel]

I usually live in a Ti bubble and nothing hurts me. I don't even build up armour or anything, I just normally don't take things personally.

It's only when I venture out of that bubble and extend my Fe to others I have a chance of getting hurt. When I do this it can be quite scary.

 

[Tallulah]

Personally, what hurts me is when ppl that are close to me, that I expect to understand me, don't. Especially, if they impute bad motives to me, because of that misunderstanding. Also, I find manipulative/dishonest behaviour hurtful. I'm more likely to allow myself to experience this as anger though.

YESYESYESYESYES.

I had a boss that I respected a lot, and she called me in and asked me why I hadn't done a project she had assigned me, or why I had sort of done a half-way job with it, more to the point. But I HAD done it, and I had gone above and beyond with that project, doing about twice the work she'd initially assigned, because I wanted to do it well. What she was looking at was a summary of the project that she'd asked me to do at a later time. It really cut me to the core that she was, in effect, accusing me of not doing it well, not taking it seriously, when I'd done nothing but exceptional work for her the whole time I'd worked for her. It hurt because a) I respected her immensely, and b) I had counted her as someone who "got" me, and knew that I would never had just blown the project off.

She never apologized, but she did try to make amends later in the day. If I'm being honest, it still kind of hurts that she didn't trust me enough to ask before accusing me.

 

[miss fortune]

I think that part is tougher to extroverts

 

[Priam]

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpszVIMTAjU"]My thoughts on getting hurt[/YOUTUBE]

 

[htb]

I think a bunch of these NTs claiming not to get their feelings hurt are a bit full of it. I know too many NTs that will go ablaze with fury if you insult their competence or even hint that they might not know what they are talking about.

I think that the Enneagram may better define personality types in terms of recognizing insults, feeling an emotional response and/or reacting. Instinctual types such as myself will respond if a challenge warrants it. From experience, INTPs are most likely those who remain oblivious to slights or are actually unsure of their emotional response, and in contrast to other types neatly categorized by MBTI.

For myself over the years, insults that have bothered me -- whether from strangers or intimates -- were those with a grain of truth.

 

[garbage]

I think that the Enneagram may better define personality types in terms of recognizing insults, feeling an emotional response and/or reacting.

Makes sense. I identify as an Enneagram One, and I am, on average, probably more prone to feel the sting of criticism personally than others here. I can definitely see that from the perfectionism standpoint.

 

[htb]

Makes sense. I identify as an Enneagram One, and I am, on average, probably more prone to feel the sting of criticism personally than others here. I can definitely see that from the perfectionism standpoint.

Exactly. To take it a step further, what is that "sting"? Is it frustration with yourself because of your standards? Could it even be annoyance with others because you believe you're correct? Those are both reactions, but probably wouldn't be characterized as injury.

A point of clarification for this thread might be what will hurt feelings.

 

[garbage]

Is it frustration with yourself because of your standards? Could it even be annoyance with others because you believe you're correct?

Most always the former (although I'm getting better about it). The standards I have for myself are typically much higher than those I have for other people.

I realize most everyone here empathizes more with the latter, though..


What hurts feelings? Breach of trust, criticism, and insults, I suppose?

 

[htb]

The standards I have for myself are typically much higher than those I have for other people.

Shortcomings of which I've excused others without hesitation can really bother me when they turn out to be mine, too. I'm not as effective a coach, then.

What hurts feelings? Breach of trust, criticism, and insults, I suppose?

Breaches of trust don't pain me as much as they evoke indignation or worse. Criticism hurts when competence is conflated with a local failure. It probably comes down to the individual, and even then there may not be a pattern.

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

Okay ... I've been giving it some thought, and I realized there is a situation --other than rejection from a loved one--that would truly have the power to hurt me.


If something I did caused damage--not "hurt someone's feelings" but caused actual harm--I'd be absolutely devastated.


Example: If I pioneered a technology that ruined numerous people's lives (note: not with the potential to ruin ... it's an important distinction), I'd probably want to commit suicide because I'd feel the planet would be better off without me.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I got my feelings hurt tonight when someone suggested I was being inconsistent in condemning someone for being ostentatious while having that same quality. I think I was offending by the person suggesting I was ostentatious more than being inconsistent.

 

[wildcat]

When peole are rude, I am more amused than hurt.
They are rude because they are hurt.

Why they are hurt?
Because their judgement is not based on what is.
It is based on their interpretation of what is.

They say Fi and Ti are subjective.
Fi and Ti are subjective to the object.

They say Fe and Te are objective.
Yes.
Fe and Te are objective.

To the subject.

 

[Eldanen]

I got my feelings hurt tonight when someone suggested I was being inconsistent in condemning someone for being ostentatious while having that same quality. I think I was offending by the person suggesting I was ostentatious more than being inconsistent.

That reminds me of something off-topic I think: I hate it when people suggest that they are right about something because you were hurt by it.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

That reminds me of something off-topic I think: I hate it when people suggest that they are right about something because you were hurt by it.

Heh. "No, I'm mad because you're a fucking asshole" would be a good response.

 

[Cenomite]

I don't know if my input is what you were looking for, since I'm an ENxP, but here you go.

The best way to "hurt my feelings" (I'd say offend is a better term), is to in some way tell me that I'm irrational or don't know what I'm talking about. This mostly just pertains to an area in which I consider myself very knowledgeable.

For example, if I was talking to you about my major and you started telling me how little I knew and how much of a fool I am for thinking that etc, I'd be very offended. If you said the same thing in regards to something that I just read ten minutes ago, I won't care much.

When people are just rude to me, I don't get my feelings hurt. The best way to describe my thoughts about someone just being outright rude to me is a lack of care. I can be friends with assholes and nice folks, doesn't matter to me. If you're an asshole, it just makes it that much more fun for me.

 

[Totenkindly]

...Banter in this thread is of course to be expected and no problem, just plz, indicate when you're serious and not, using an emoticon (I know, I know) or some other indication. I still have trouble seeing what's humor and what's furreal with NT's I don't know.

Sigh. That ALWAYS drives me crazy, too.
It's like "eggshells in reverse."

People can say some pretty nasty things to me. I'm not actually bothered that much by some of them, if I think they have a supportable/logical argument for it or if I know what they say is true.

Stupid ignorant people usually piss me off.
- They misjudge you.
- They don't make sense.
- They aren't open to change (either out of choice or lack of brain).

Maybe that's not really anger, it's just frustration. When do I get REALLY angry? When they use their stupid ignorant ideas to actively interfere in someone else's life and make it hell.

Now they're imposing on others (violating their autonomy), and there's nothing you can do to convince them to back out, except by aggressively facing off with them.

I'm usually very understanding of people when they disagree with me, if they have a valid line of argument (i.e., if I can put myself in their shoes, and the conclusion is drawn rationally from the evidence), even if it's to my detriment.

I also can be hurt if I feel like I've had good intentions towards someone and sacrificed a lot for their sake, and they either vilify my character or abandon me when the going gets hard. I will never make a demand that someone invest in me... but it hurts inside a great deal when I've made the investment and I realize they have not.

Heh. "No, I'm mad because you're a fucking asshole" would be a good response.

Thank you -- I was looking for a line like that just yesterday! ("Yes, I'm neurotic and miserable right now, not because I'm doing the wrong thing with my life, but because I'm having to deal with judgmental shitheads like you.")

Uh... Merry Christmas, everyone?

 

[tinkerbell]

Gosh

I think I'm a-typical because lots of things hurt my feelings. Criticisim, insensitivity, assuming I'll take other peoples BS. Someone hurt my feelings about 10 days ago because they totally invalidated my exisitance.

Lis

 

[Totenkindly]

Someone hurt my feelings about 10 days ago because they totally invalidated my exisitance.

*frown*

Did someone hear something?

 

[Amargith]

tinkerbell

@ Jennifer



stereotypes....