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  1. #81
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Yeah- if you manage to get through my armor, which I've spent years constructing carefully, you can have the ability to hurt me.

    It makes me fucking resentful of the feelers out there who can manage to do something when hurt.

    It rarely happens, but when it actually does I'm lost in a way. I can't cry.
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #82
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    I usually live in a Ti bubble and nothing hurts me. I don't even build up armour or anything, I just normally don't take things personally.

    It's only when I venture out of that bubble and extend my Fe to others I have a chance of getting hurt. When I do this it can be quite scary.

  3. #83
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post

    Personally, what hurts me is when ppl that are close to me, that I expect to understand me, don't. Especially, if they impute bad motives to me, because of that misunderstanding. Also, I find manipulative/dishonest behaviour hurtful. I'm more likely to allow myself to experience this as anger though.
    YESYESYESYESYES.

    I had a boss that I respected a lot, and she called me in and asked me why I hadn't done a project she had assigned me, or why I had sort of done a half-way job with it, more to the point. But I HAD done it, and I had gone above and beyond with that project, doing about twice the work she'd initially assigned, because I wanted to do it well. What she was looking at was a summary of the project that she'd asked me to do at a later time. It really cut me to the core that she was, in effect, accusing me of not doing it well, not taking it seriously, when I'd done nothing but exceptional work for her the whole time I'd worked for her. It hurt because a) I respected her immensely, and b) I had counted her as someone who "got" me, and knew that I would never had just blown the project off.

    She never apologized, but she did try to make amends later in the day. If I'm being honest, it still kind of hurts that she didn't trust me enough to ask before accusing me.
    Something Witty

  4. #84
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I think that part is tougher to extroverts
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #85
    Senior Member Priam's Avatar
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    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpszVIMTAjU"]My thoughts on getting hurt[/YOUTUBE]
    "The subject chooses to sit in shadow and search for wisdom by reflecting upon his trial. The problem is not that he is cold and wet, but that cold and wet seems problematic, so he embraces those hardships in order to best them."

  6. #86
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_in_Orbit View Post
    I think a bunch of these NTs claiming not to get their feelings hurt are a bit full of it. I know too many NTs that will go ablaze with fury if you insult their competence or even hint that they might not know what they are talking about.
    I think that the Enneagram may better define personality types in terms of recognizing insults, feeling an emotional response and/or reacting. Instinctual types such as myself will respond if a challenge warrants it. From experience, INTPs are most likely those who remain oblivious to slights or are actually unsure of their emotional response, and in contrast to other types neatly categorized by MBTI.

    For myself over the years, insults that have bothered me -- whether from strangers or intimates -- were those with a grain of truth.

  7. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by htb View Post
    I think that the Enneagram may better define personality types in terms of recognizing insults, feeling an emotional response and/or reacting.
    Makes sense. I identify as an Enneagram One, and I am, on average, probably more prone to feel the sting of criticism personally than others here. I can definitely see that from the perfectionism standpoint.

  8. #88
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    Makes sense. I identify as an Enneagram One, and I am, on average, probably more prone to feel the sting of criticism personally than others here. I can definitely see that from the perfectionism standpoint.
    Exactly. To take it a step further, what is that "sting"? Is it frustration with yourself because of your standards? Could it even be annoyance with others because you believe you're correct? Those are both reactions, but probably wouldn't be characterized as injury.

    A point of clarification for this thread might be what will hurt feelings.

  9. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by htb View Post
    Is it frustration with yourself because of your standards? Could it even be annoyance with others because you believe you're correct?
    Most always the former (although I'm getting better about it). The standards I have for myself are typically much higher than those I have for other people.

    I realize most everyone here empathizes more with the latter, though..


    What hurts feelings? Breach of trust, criticism, and insults, I suppose?

  10. #90
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greed View Post
    The standards I have for myself are typically much higher than those I have for other people.
    Shortcomings of which I've excused others without hesitation can really bother me when they turn out to be mine, too. I'm not as effective a coach, then.

    What hurts feelings? Breach of trust, criticism, and insults, I suppose?
    Breaches of trust don't pain me as much as they evoke indignation or worse. Criticism hurts when competence is conflated with a local failure. It probably comes down to the individual, and even then there may not be a pattern.

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