[NT] Hurt feelings and NT's

[soleil]

lol that's not gonna hurt an NT.... it's likely to be an amusing and entertaining thing for a stoic person. I'll confess outright that when this does happens, I actually feel glad I could have an effect on said NF.

I think many INTX men get hurt when they are overlooked for social events that they would gladly like to be a part of, but don't know how to assert said desire.

This happened to someone I know. He kept questioning why this would happen to him & felt a bit rejected & unwelcomed. I had to reassure him that it wasn't anything personal.

 

[Kollin]

I don't usually get my feelings hurt too often.

The thing that would hurt is if someone was criticized me. It would have to be something pretty blunt for me to realize actually.

What happens with me from time to time with F's is I'll say something that I thought was fairly harmless, and he or she will think that I was pissed about it when i wasn't and I was more or less just agreeing with them. Or I'll say something I think is perfectly ok and they get pissed at me because they read something more into what I was saying and wasn't at all what I meant.

NT's usually aren't tuned into people's feelings as much as some other types...

being totally serious here

 

[Lady_X]

People can hurt me, the first time they meet me, yes. It's one of the reasons I ask these questions. I'm trying to remedy that.

oh...i see. hmm...maybe it's just been too long since it happened that i can't remember. well i'm sorry if i've ever hurt your feelings...

 

[Night]

I think many INTX men get hurt when they are overlooked for social events that they would gladly like to be a part of, but don't know how to assert said desire.

Eh.

It's more annoying to be unnecessarily included in social events.

 

[Amargith]

oh...i see. hmm...maybe it's just been too long since it happened that i can't remember. well i'm sorry if i've ever hurt your feelings...

I doubt you ever would

 

[Orangey]

I don't usually get my feelings hurt. In fact, there are only a couple of times that I can remember being really hurt...

The first was when I was twelve and my parents criticized me for being too tomboyish. The second was when my parents would make me feel like shit for not being invited out with my friends (even though I could care less about it myself). They'd make it seem like I was a failure for not engaging in enough social activities.

But there's really no way that someone who wasn't close to me could hurt my feelings. I would either mock that person back, or disengage completely.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Eh.

It's more annoying to be unnecessarily included in social events.

lol



"Dammit! ANOTHER baby shower..."

 

[runvardh]

I always figured NTs were the types you'd have to get in close to have a hope of hurting them.

 

[garbage]

When I was going through depression, I got my feelings hurt pretty easily. I already thought low of myself, and I didn't have the capacity to not take things personally.

Now? For the most part, I tend to view criticism and hurtful remarks as either a learning exercise for me or as a reflection of the other person. But people who I trust and know well still have the capacity to hurt me very, very badly.

 

[Kollin]

So not even an NF in full fury about the fact that you stepped on their toes with what was meant to be a playful comment, can hurt you at that moment for calling you a coldhearted, cruel person?

I would figure they just misunderstood what I was saying and overreacted...

I don't generally get my feelings hurt much... usually I either see the offending statement as something that I need to resolve (either about a situation or about myself) and proceed accordingly... or I assume the person doesn't know what they're talking about and don't pay any attention.

Those rare times when I DO get my feelings hurt, it doesn't tend to last long. The only people who can really hurt me to the point of crying would be family members or close friends who I feel should support me in something but they don't.

same here...

 

[Darjur]

If you would bang me on the head with a baseball bat, it would probably hurt.


If serious, the only person in my memory who managed to hurt me is myself and that was when I utterly failed at something, that I thought I had the full capability of doing.


Stuff like "you're an asshole" would probably be taken as a compliment.

 

[bluebell]

Chances are, if I don't know you, there's little you can do to leave a longlasting stain on my psychology.

Yep, this. I can be hurt badly by people who are close to me or if I happen to have a high degree of respect for them.

Except for this:

When I was going through depression, I got my feelings hurt pretty easily. I already thought low of myself, and I didn't have the capacity to not take things personally.

If I'm feeling very low, I'm more vulnerable to pain from any source.

 

[Amargith]

Yep, this. I can be hurt badly by people who are close to me or if I happen to have a high degree of respect for them.

Except for this:



If I'm feeling very low, I'm more vulnerable to pain from any source.

So but does it work as with NF's then? Both when you have a low self-esteem and with family and friends and people you respect?

 

[bluebell]

So but does it work as with NF's then? Both when you have a low self-esteem and with family and friends and people you respect?

*confused* What do you mean by your first sentence?

btw, I don't think I know many NFs IRL. My boss (INFP) and maybe one or two colleagues (ENFJs).

 

[garbage]

So but does it work as with NF's then? Both when you have a low self-esteem and with family and friends and people you respect?

From what you just described, I'm sure we're similar in our triggers. We're hurt worst when when we have low self-esteem and when we're hurt by those we trust.

But, by and large, NT's rarely have self-esteem problems.. so that trigger is usually never activated. And we tend to be guarded, so we don't let a lot of people in close enough to hurt us.

Does that seem accurate to the other NT's here?

 

[Amargith]

Greed, you understood what I meant

 

[entropie]

My INFJ likes to reproach me, when we haven't seen each other for some time and she wants to see me. Of course I counter her yellings and an argue is born. She then pretty fast comes to the point, when she abbandons the relationship and throws away everything we have over a proposal, she just started the wrong way, namely she wanted to see me.

Her liking to be loved is a well known thing to me and I can cope with it. I do try to give her what she wants but at the same time, I try to teach her objectivity, because she can easily be seduced through feelings and her mood does decide whether a problem is a problem or whether it is solved.

I understand that and I think we manage to have a good balance. I am not so good to express feelings with words, I like to do it through actions .

What is a problem, is she picking on me. Last week I had a lot of work before the holidays and I managed it that fine that I was proud of myself (I actually cared to manage it). Then I bought a really new fat computer on friday to donate myself for christmas and I felt in peace with the world. I felt really calm and free of worries for a moment there, when she called and reproached me that I had forgotten today was her free day (which I had forgotten because she told me 2 weeks ago and I had that workload in between).

So instead of remembering me kindly or giving me a hint a few days before the day, she is more likely to wait until the day and then she comes to the conclusion I do not love her no more because I forgot the day and she begins an emotional crusade on me.

Most of the time, she is over it when I show up. But I am not that quick. Within me this emotionally strong reproaching of my conscience will eventually result in me breaking out of the relationship. I told her that, but she didnt listen.

I know its easy to say that the other person needs to change, instead of changing oneself. She is a very demanding person with a strong personality, although she is not in the physical but the emotional world. She tries to bring out the emotions in me, because she experiences them through action, the only problem is she is getting it wrong, cause thats never gonna happen. I cant drop my guard, because I dont know how to drop a guard to a room that is full of things I dont understand myself.

I have drawn the conclusion that I also cant pretend to be that emotional because I am not. I tried once and people noticed, thinking of me to be fake. So the ultimate consequencse I see is, either I will die broke and alone (which is most probable) or I will meet someone, who is as supporting as I try to be, rationally and who does not blow up the whole relation out of an emotional twist.

 

[entropie]

I see myself more and more in the position at the moment of the hard working husband that earns a lot of money and that will eventually be betrayed because his wife needs attention.

But thats my momentary state of mind, with the time of hard parties approaching and me being impaired for the next week I will get back to the looser I was, fucking housewifes that feel lonely

 

[Scott]

I can be fairly easily hurt by a select few people. With most people though, I'm pretty guarded, so I might get frustrated or be offended or turned off by someone, but they usually have to try pretty hard and press the right buttons to actually hurt me. I'll usually disengage before it gets to that point anyway though. I do sometimes try to be less guarded and more open with people, with varying levels of success - underneath it all I'm actually quite sensitive. I think this is one of the (many) reasons that I tend to really deeply share myself with a few people, and really appreciate the few who understand me well enough and treat me well enough that I can open myself to them and actually have a real friendship. All other friendships are deeply unsatisfying to me, though I'd like that to be less the case, and to be able to become good friends with more people (they aren't all bad people, it's just hard for me to trust). I actually didn't even realize that I was sensitive and all this until I had friends who cared for me well enough for me to be able to open up and see what was in there. I wasn't (and am still not) always aware of being hurt, and outside of romantic relationships, I almost just assume that I'm not hurt and objectively analyze situations without that being a part of what I see, at least at first. For those friends who I have let in though, I can be pretty easily hurt.

People can hurt me, the first time they meet me, yes. It's one of the reasons I ask these questions. I'm trying to remedy that.

Amargith, I actually think there's something very right about being able to be hurt the first time someone meets you. I think it's important to have confidence in yourself and not let other people's hurtful actions diminish your self-confidence or keep you from confidently and passionately speaking and acting (which I must admit I typically do a terribly poor job of), and to remember that other people can't define you, but I also think that we do ourselves and the world a disservice to guard ourselves in ways that cover over our humanity.

One of the things I've thought a bit about lately is what it is that I love about the few tv shows and movies that I really love. One of the key things for me seems to be an ability and a willingness to show people as they truly are, with all our beauty and all our pain. When either of these are diminished, it takes a lot away from the show/movie for me, and what I really love most is seeing characters retain their humanity through pain and difficulty, whether through courageously and passionately acting while simultaneously choosing to not harden themselves, or through the vindication of the one who has made the difficult choices to retain and protect what's good and right (think Pan's Labyrinth).

This, for me, is where many of the truly great triumphs and the truly terrible tragedies occur, and when done well there is nothing my soul profoundly delights in more than seeing humanity restored where it's been threatened or lost, and little that grieves my soul more than seeing humanity given up. (I should probably say, my favorite shows are Firefly, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog (Dr. Horrible) and Angel, and my favorite movies are Pan's Labyrinth, Serenity and the LOTR trilogy. Suffice it to say, I'm a big Joss Whedon fan, and my sentiments are very Whedonesque.)

Anyway... this became a long and very 'F' post. I've developed my F a lot in the past few years, but I promise everyone who knows me well would confirm that I'm a pretty clear INTP.

 

[Darjur]

Anyway... this became a long and very 'F' post. I've developed my F a lot in the past few years, but I promise everyone who knows me well would confirm that I'm a pretty clear INTP.

You hath ventured deep into the darkside.