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Thread: INTP Women!

  1. #71
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Friends- What is your men-to-women friend ratio?
    Right now it's higher in the "women" category... but I've noticed it changing recently and I expect it to slant much closer to 1:1 soon enough. I just am starting to find guys much more refreshing and less dramatic; you can just have a fun interesting time and not have to worry as much about the social drama.

    Work/School- What do you do for a living/What degree are you pursuing? Do you have a hard time working under a *boss*?
    My job title is Software Engineer (I do Crystal Reports and VB programming), although I advanced into that area from years in the technical writing field. I also do good graphic arts and technical drawing. My real interests (if I did not have to focus on money) would be more the soft but complex/intricate "sciences" that involve human behavior, culture and religious systems, etc.

    I don't mind working under a boss as long as he does his job -- which means giving me the tools and encouragement I need to do MY work and otherwise staying out my way. You give me a boss who tries to micromanage me and tell me HOW and WHEN to do my job, rather than just giving me parameters and a deadline to meet, and that's a boss that will really piss me off in a very short time.

    Dating/Relationships- Is commitment seen as an encroachment on your independence? Fear of (or at least *hang-ups* with) intimacy? Do you need to hear "I love you?"

    I'm veering away from formalized commitment at this stage of my life. It seems like an unnecessary fetter; either you love each other or you don't, and I'm far beyond the confusion that often besets people in youth where they mistake something else for love. I know who I'm close to and who I'm not -- I know who I love and I know if they care about me -- and if I'm close to them and committed to them as a person and vice versa, I don't need to put rules around it.

    I love intimacy -- I want to KNOW and experience the other person thoroughly, I don't like being locked out and kept at arm's length -- but I will not pry. If someone isn't willing to open up and include me as part of their life, I respect that even if it annoys me... but I won't hang around either. I'm looking for people who want to deeply share thoughts and feelings and who they are. Someone who wants something else can go find it for themselves.

    I would only need an "I love you" as an occasional anchor -- it's just another data point. If it doesn't occur for a long time, I might start to wonder (I'm a P, everything is liable to change in life, so periodic reinforcement just to "clarify" is good), but I'm not attached to surface signs like particular phrases or items or actions or behaviors. I get a pretty good feel for someone just from being around them.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #72
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Friends: My close friends are mostly females, I haven't met too many guys who are able to have a friendship without them attempting to cross boundaries, they are handy to drag along to sporting events though.

    Work/school: My work is corporate, I'm the national manager in my area and am able to be somewhat autonomous, my staff have a nice dose of SJ amongst them to take care of the details so I can avoid the menial stuff that bugs me. My boss is very blunt, straight-forward and big-picture orientated and respects the same in others, this works well for me.

    I've studied lots but fail at motivating myself to finish assignments so mostly do it for the knowledge, anything from IT to finance and management, just with very few pieces of paper to prove it.

    Dating/Relationships: Finding the balance between an independent guy who isn't going to smother me *bleech* and someone in-touch with their emotions enough to form a connection is tough. I tend to attract lots of the smothery types I don't have any problems with commitment, I just wont commit to something sub-standard.

    "actions speak louder than words..." <-- is the key for me.

  3. #73
    Member PureWhispers's Avatar
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    Hi everyone. I've been a lurker for a while so I'm going to just kind of jump into this thread by answering mbeerti's questions.

    Friends- What is your men-to-women friend ratio?
    Before college, it was always vastly more boys/men than girls/women. It started way back in elementary school when my miniature tomboyish self played video games with all the boys. Nowadays, because the gender ratio at my college is roughly 3:2 women to men, I have more female friends by far, but I still find that I get along with guys more easily in general. Go figure.

    Work/School- What do you do for a living/What degree are you pursuing? Do you have a hard time working under a *boss*?
    I'm notoriously lazy and haven't worked very much so far, but I'm planning on double majoring with Psychology and Japanese Language & Literature (probably; I keep being indecisive about the former of the two), although I have no idea what I'm going to do with that yet.

    Dating/Relationships- Is commitment seen as an encroachment on your independence? Fear of (or at least *hang-ups* with) intimacy? Do you need to hear "I love you?"
    I have no problem being committed/intimate/etc., but I do have a problem with feeling "boxed in," so I suppose it depends on the situation. As long as my need for occasional alone time is well understood, then I don't feel as though my independence is being threatened or anything of the sort.
    MBTI: ENFJ | Enneagram: 4w5

  4. #74
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    I seemed to have missed this thread in my INTj delusion.

    Friends- What is your men-to-women friend ratio?
    In elementary school, I had mostly male friends. That stopped halfway during middle school after my parents berated me for "always acting like a boy." At that point, I inserted myself in the background of a group of mostly emotionally damaged girls, a couple of whom turned out to be lesbians in the next few years (not that lesbians are emotionally damaged). I then abandoned all of them after high school graduation. Currently, I have about an equal male/female friend ratio.

    Work/School- What do you do for a living/What degree are you pursuing? Do you have a hard time working under a *boss*?
    I'm a grad student who studies rhetoric. Yes, a humanities and not a science. Not even a social science (though my undergrad was more social science oriented). So all I ever do is read, read, read. Not as fun when you HAVE to do it.

    Dating/Relationships- Is commitment seen as an encroachment on your independence? Fear of (or at least *hang-ups* with) intimacy? Do you need to hear "I love you?"
    I'm pretty unhealthy in this arena. I do see commitment as encroachment on my independence, and I do have hang-ups with intimacy. And no, hearing "I love you" doesn't do all that much for me, except maybe make me blush in embarrassment for your lack of creativity, and a this .

    Quote Originally Posted by ofugur View Post
    I love the lengths female INTPs go through in order to remain anonymous. One in particular wasn't featured in school year books for five consecutive years, never spoke up in class, and didn't even attend her high school graduation.
    This was me, except my parents forced me to go to the graduation ceremony (and by forced, I mean threatened to withhold graduation gift, which included money and a new computer for college). I was not happy about that.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  5. #75
    Senior Member TPol's Avatar
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    On the school thing, I rarely spoke, too. I would have stood out had I not gone to graduation, so I went. Funny thing happened at the 5 year reunion. One guy came up to me and said, "Wow! You were in our graduating class?! How come I don't remember seeing you? What's your name?" [My graduating class had 60 people; I'd been in his classes since 1st or 2nd grade.]

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    ...the more questions someone asks in an effort to know me, the weirder I feel. I can logically know that it's a flattering thing that someone wants to get to know me better, but being put in the spotlight and being pried open like a clam makes me feel wildly uncomfortable...Being asked a bajillion questions feels not-right, because I just cannot feel obligated to spill my guts to someone I just met.
    ((nods)) Me, too. In fact, I was leery of hubby on our first date because he asked a bunch of questions. However, I suspect an INTP's idea of "a bajillion" might be a few less than others think of it. He asked me...oh, maybe...6 or 7 questions. But, they were lengthy and complicated and prying! [Ahem...Like what State I'd live in, if money and family location weren't a factor. ]


    Friends- What is your men-to-women friend ratio?

    When single: 80% male.
    When married to ex: 5% male.
    Now married to INTJ: 60% male.

    Work/School- What do you do for a living/What degree are you pursuing? Do you have a hard time working under a *boss*?
    Self-employed (co-owner of a couple businesses). Hope to eventually work it in to actually get paid for the art and crank up the volume of writing so get paid more for that.
    I had an English major (writing) and Psychology minor for a while. Then, switched to K-8 Education Major and History minor. I didn't finish the degree.
    If the boss is a jerk or a micro-manager, yes. I prefer being my own boss.

    Dating/Relationships- Is commitment seen as an encroachment on your independence? Fear of (or at least *hang-ups* with) intimacy? Do you need to hear "I love you?"
    Before INTJ hubby, I saw dating and relationships as a threat to my independence, yes. I wanted my freedom. INTJ and I are enough alike that I knew we'd never encroach upon each other in this manner, though.
    It is special to hear "I love you" from him. I don't put much stock into when my family says it to me. There's a pretty obvious purpose behind when they say it, usually manipulative in one way or another.

    What foolish things-- because I don't like the word 'mistakes'-- have you done with men? Perhaps, repeatedly...

    Said "yes" to a date, for I would give anyone a first chance and saw everyone as "probably an okay individual." I wasn't desperate. Dating was, to me, just a way to hear other people's stories. It took me too long to figure out that I should have said "no" to even the first date.

  6. #76
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mbeerti View Post
    What foolish things-- because I don't like the word 'mistakes'-- have you done with men? Perhaps, repeatedly...
    Driven away/fled from the decent ones. Given the indecent ones too much of my time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #77
    Member mbeerti's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why reading all your commentary is refreshing (as it doesn't really solve anything) for me-- kind of like when NFs mindlessly tell you "don't worry, everything's going to be okay/everything works out how it's supposed to"...lol-- I guess it's just nice to hear. I'm far from a feminist but I admire strength and autonomy in women. From what you've all posted, you seem to be strong, self-motivated, and self-sufficient. I've long suspected that the INTP female was mentally/emotionally strongest of the female types (although the lady INTJ is up there!)......

  8. #78
    Member jellyfish's Avatar
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    Friends- What is your men-to-women friend ratio?
    I have about as many female friends as I do male. I prefer male friends, since they seem to judge me less. It's easier to get close to females since they're less likely to think I'm persuing them romantically.

    Work/School- What do you do for a living/What degree are you pursuing? Do you have a hard time working under a *boss*?
    I'm not even persuing a degree yet... I'm thinking of going into psychology or neuropsychology, though. ( I do know there is difference between the two.)
    I have a hard time working with a "boss" who has stupid rules that don't make a difference one way or the other. If they mark me down for not having an aesthetically pleasing essay in English class(as in, without illustrations or a special folder-like thing around it), then I'm bothered. I tend to be kind of lazy, and do homework in class or at the last minute.

    Dating/Relationships- Is commitment seen as an encroachment on your independence? Fear of (or at least *hang-ups* with) intimacy? Do you need to hear "I love you?"
    I have a fear of commitment... and intimacy. I've never been in a relationship where "i love you"s were exchanged, but I don't think I'd need to hear it.
    I'm afraid of clingy people, and go to great lengths to not appear clingy. A lot of the time I end up making the people I like most think I dislike them, since the more I like someone the more I avoid them or act like I dislike them.
    I generally haven't had much experience in this area. I'm pretty young.

  9. #79
    Summer laintpe's Avatar
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    Friends- What is your men-to-women friend ratio?
    I only consider two people to be friends, so 1:1. "Acquaintances"... well, it depends on the time of year... during the tennis season, more girls... outside of the tennis season, guys. I'm much more comfortable talking to guys one on one than i am talking with girls.

    Work/School- What do you do for a living/What degree are you pursuing? Do you have a hard time working under a *boss*? I'm a bioengineering major. The jobs I have had outside of school are meaningless... I could care less about what the boss has/does say... plus we don't cross paths often.


    Dating/Relationships- Is commitment seen as an encroachment on your independence? Fear of (or at least *hang-ups* with) intimacy? Do you need to hear "I love you?" Initially I'm really resistant and I do see it as a threat to my independence... depending on the habits of the guy. If he is restrictive and assigns "rules", I'm instantly annoyed and likely to lose interest. Intimacy isn't something I'm afraid of. I prefer those who need time to be alone and who can handle silence... and who aren't quick to become jealous.

    What foolish things-- because I don't like the word 'mistakes'-- have you done with men? Perhaps, repeatedly...
    ehhhhhhhhh
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nocap
    Quote Originally Posted by laintpe
    Quote Originally Posted by Nocap
    Ideally I'll be the woman

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