[ENTJ] curious about ENTJ females

[mwv6r]

Hello, I hope this is the correct place for this thread.

I'm starting to become friends with a girl whose personality I find very intriguing -- very intelligent, very confident, very funny in a dry way. I knew she was an NT of some sort but couldn't figure out which type, but after talking with her last night I learned that she's an ENTJ. I'd never met a female of her type before and can't find much info online about female ENTJs. What strikes me most is she seems more playful than a lot of the online descriptions of ENTJs seem to suggest, or maybe that is just because I'm seeing her outside a work setting. Could anyone fill me in on common characteristics of female ENTJs? What makes them tick, how they like to have fun, sense of humor, behavior in friendships and relationships, etc. Thanks!

 

[Edgar]

Well I hope you enjoy being the bitch in the relationship, that's I all I have to say when it comes to ENTJ women.

 

[mwv6r]

Haha, I'm not trying to date her, we're both girls, met through our boyfriends. I just think she's really cool and was curious to learn more about ENTJ women. Her boyfriend actually is an INFJ too and I would say that she's in charge of things between them, but from the outside at least it seems to work for them...

 

[Bougal]

I really don't know why people think we are bitches. We do tend to be take charge and all of that fun stuff, but all of the ones I have met are very fun and bubbly. If we perceive that you are worthy of our friendship then we work really hard at the relationship, and we are very fun and random. Even if we don't like someone we tend to be civil. From all of the others I have met, we all agree that meanness is simply a lack of self control. We are driven over the edge by incompetence and inefficiency. We also hate when people underestimate us, or when we are put into a position where we are being condescended too. In these situations, we seem to try too hard to prove our competence. As long as you do what you say you are going to do, and you offer something we think is interesting, you’re good with us. We really like people that are good conversationalist. I know that I have one group of friends where they are all Ns and we just talk, and I have another of mostly SFs where we do a lot of activities. We also really enjoy learning, and when we find someone with an interesting pool of knowledge, we like to pick their brain and learn from them. I know that I am always looking to learn, and I bet most other ENTJs are the same.

I actually have a very good friend that is an INFJ. Ask anymore questions you might have, and I’ll try to answer them. I hope this has been helpful.

 

[Metamorphosis]

I was actually very surprised by how friendly/outgoing/bubbly some female ENTJs are. As opposed to male ENTJs, their controlling tendencies tend to be much more subtle...like a foundation, rather than a frequent occurrence.

 

[ThatGirl]

I was actually very surprised by how friendly/outgoing/bubbly some female ENTJs are. As opposed to male ENTJs, their controlling tendencies tend to be much more subtle...like a foundation, rather than a frequent occurrence.

LOL

 

[Bougal]

I was actually very surprised by how friendly/outgoing/bubbly some female ENTJs are. As opposed to male ENTJs, their controlling tendencies tend to be much more subtle...like a foundation, rather than a frequent occurrence.

Well said, and very true.

 

[Edgar]

I was actually very surprised by how friendly/outgoing/bubbly some female ENTJs are. As opposed to male ENTJs, their controlling tendencies tend to be much more subtle...like a foundation, rather than a frequent occurrence.

I believe the word is "facade"

 

[mwv6r]

Ask anymore questions you might have, and I’ll try to answer them. I hope this has been helpful.

Thank you, this is helpful )

I'm interested in the difference between male and female ENTJs. The ENTJ girl I'm referring to surprised me because all the male ENTJs I'd met before (and admittedly that wasn't all that many) were intelligent and very interesting to talk with, yet they came across a tad nerdy/socially awkward (sorry if I'm offending any male ENTJs here!), whereas she was very smooth socially. So I was curious about ya'll's experiences of how gender differences affect the ENTJ personality type. (It may very well be that I just didn't have an adequate sample of male ENTJs before.)

I found Metamorphosis' comment about female ENTJ's subtle control very interesting. I actually wasn't sure this girl was a judger at first because she seems so laidback, but now looking back over situations I observed between her and her boyfriend I think maybe she was asserting power with him but in a very low-key way. Definitely very differently from the way ESTJs (male or female) assert power -- I often find they'll just about hit you over the head in their attempts to control.

Also curious about what types ENTJs gravitate towards both in friendships and romantically. Some websites I read suggested that an ENTJ's ideal match is an INFP/ISFP, while others said it's an INTP/ISTP because ENTJ's may become irritated with a feeling-type mate. I know to take those websites with a grain of salt (they all say that I shouldn't be with my partner when I'm very happy), but I was curious what ya'll think.

Female ENTJs seem like a really cool type. I had a close INTJ girlfriend in college and it's interesting to see extraverted NTJs in action. I want to get to know her better but I'm a little intimidated by her to be honest so that's part of what's motivating all my questions about her type, lol.

 

[Metamorphosis]

The thing about ENTJs is that they seem very intimidating because their method of communication is very different from every other type, when in truth, it should be one of the least intimidating types, because you simply have very little to worry about. They'll tell you exactly what you want to know, as long as it has nothing to do with feelings. In fact, they'll frequently give the impression that they're giving you intimate details about themselves like it's nothing...which is actually a subtle way of acquiring power, whether intentional or not.

Directness comes across as intimidation simply because we aren't accustomed to it. I'm not saying that they don't try to control, because in my experience they do, frequently...but saying "This is what I think" or "This is what I want" isn't necessarily to say that they won't entertain options. It just means that they are expressing themselves openly to you without any of the BS and you can take it or leave it.

 

[Bougal]

Romantically, I like to be with INFPs that are close to the T the most, but I also like INTPs and INTJs. For friendships, I have a group of ESFPs that are fun for activities, and I have a group of INTJs, INTPs, ENFJs and an INFP, an INFJ and an ENTJ that are good for N like endeavors.

I am a very social person, and I wouldn’t say that I am socially awkward, but I am very random and a bit of a geek. My friends think that it is charming. I constantly start conversations with random people around, and I have a lot of acquaintances. I am very laid back, and I’m not all that combative, but when I am put into an environment where it needs to occur I can kill. In situations where most girls get hissy, I just don’t care. I don’t try to assert my power, but I just naturally become the leader in a lot of situations. For example, I am in a study group with eight other people for my stat class, and when someone can’t make it or needs a favor, I am the only one they call. I have been told that from a distance I appear to be cold and overly academic, but then when those people get to know me they see my bubbly side. It really does exist, it’s not a façade. All of the people that have said that I appear cold have been F boys, so that may have something to do with their perception. I am very level headed and very blunt. I do say things how they are, and if it is too morbid, I add in a laugh. It works wonders.

 

[runvardh]

My only RL experience with an ENTJ was an immature and possibly below average intelligence (for an ENTJ). MY Te either matched or surpassed hers in effective use. I'd appreciate being able to hang out with a more "normal" one.

 

[Kangirl]

all of the ones I have met are very fun and bubbly. If we perceive that you are worthy of our friendship then we work really hard at the relationship, and we are very fun and random. Even if we don't like someone we tend to be civil. From all of the others I have met, we all agree that meanness is simply a lack of self control. We are driven over the edge by incompetence and inefficiency.

True, true, true and...true! I'm a big noob, Bougal, but from what I've read on this thread, a lot of what you've said hits home with me, big time. As for being an ENTJ female, I am like you and consider myself socially astute and laidback, not in any way a difficult person to get along with. I also have a very dry sense of humour, which sometimes rubs certain people the wrong way - often those who don't understand and/or appreciate sarcasm. I've been surprised reading some of the common ideas about ENTJs on this board - the social awkwardness is just not true of me at all. I also agree with the comment on meanness - not necessary. People treating other people rudely is one of my biggest personal turn-offs, and no part of me admires that "I tell it like it is! I'm not repressed!" personality that just seems to translate to "I'm a jerk! And proud of it!"

That said, if a person proves themselves, over time, to be an idiot, I do not have any problem dropping all social niceties around them. Overt cruelty no, but just basically dismissing them and their opinions, to myself? Yes. I couldn't care less what they think of me for that. It's perfectly fine if they want to think me an idiot and dismiss me entirely, too.

 

[musttry]

Well I hope you enjoy being the bitch in the relationship, that's I all I have to say when it comes to ENTJ women.

I don't know about being the bitch but I LOVE NT women (a tad less fond of INTPs, not sure why). I love the challenge, I love seeing their brains trying to get around issues, I love how they struggle with emotions. All very attractive things to me. I think I'm a bit addicted to confrontation, so imagine an ENTJ. wow!

 

[Cool]

Well I hope you enjoy being the bitch in the relationship, that's I all I have to say when it comes to ENTJ women.

Hahaha nice one. Because it's going to be true (so sorry INFJ dude)

 

[juggernaut]

The thing about ENTJs is that they seem very intimidating because their method of communication is very different from every other type, when in truth, it should be one of the least intimidating types, because you simply have very little to worry about. They'll tell you exactly what you want to know, as long as it has nothing to do with feelings. In fact, they'll frequently give the impression that they're giving you intimate details about themselves like it's nothing...which is actually a subtle way of acquiring power, whether intentional or not.

Directness comes across as intimidation simply because we aren't accustomed to it. I'm not saying that they don't try to control, because in my experience they do, frequently...but saying "This is what I think" or "This is what I want" isn't necessarily to say that they won't entertain options. It just means that they are expressing themselves openly to you without any of the BS and you can take it or leave it.

Check, check, check and check. This has actually gotten me into hot water on more than one occasion, because folks assume that when I say "this is what I think" that I want them to get on board with whatever I'm saying and that is not my intention at all. I also have no difficulty sharing intimate details about myself, as long I don't have to give an account of how I feel or have felt (that will either end the discussion with an "I don't know" from me or result in some serious stumbling if I actually care enough to try figure out the answer). Better to just get stuff out there on the table and let the other party figure out if they can deal with it. If they can't, oh well, there are 6.7+ billion other potential conversation partners out there.

 

[theplacesyoullgo]

I can only speak from personal experience because I don't know any other female ENTJs in real life, but I actually think a female ENTJ will go out of her way NOT to appear controlling to the other person if she's really into him. I'm pretty aware of how controlling I can appear, even when I'm not intending to, so we'd probably be self-conscious of our desire to control things when around a guy we're digging as to not scare him away or intimidate him.

Then again, maybe our control freak nature would appear later in the relationship. I think it's less likely if the guy isn't a pushover... and most ENTJ women wouldn't date total pushovers anyway.

 

[maliafee]

My boyfriend's mom is ENTJ. She is REALLY sweet and nice and genuine, but wears the pants in the family FOR SURE (ESFJ (likely) husband). She actually gives him orders, and has always made more $ than him. She orders me around but tries to do it in a more subtle way. I am good at reigning that in, because as an SP I hate being told what to do. But we get along, partially because she is a really enjoyable person to be around and partly because we want our relationship to be good mutually. She is hard-working, open-minded, fun, a good cook, walks fast, takes charge, and loves her family. Oh and she's excellent with money.

 

[BlackCat]

This is a very helpful thread. It's given me a good bit of clarity towards female ENTJs that I will need for my quest to find one. I don't understand the negative stereotypes brought on about ENTJs really. If they are mature then it's totally great.

Romantically, I like to be with INFPs that are close to the T the most

Hehe, I'm borderline. Wanna hook up?

 

[JocktheMotie]

I really wish I had more friends so I could get to know more types. ENTJ female seems like a good partner in crime, and someone that would enjoy my musings of how awesome it would be to be part of a a military/governmental coup.