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  1. #1
    Member charliefoxtrot's Avatar
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    Default INTP girl, ISFJ boy...help me out.

    I'm an INTP, my boyfriend of 3 months - who I am as unconditionally in love with as a 16-year-old girl can be - is definitely an ISFJ. He is 3 years older (but that's hardly integral to the purpose of this thread.) My ex-boyfriend of nearly a year was an ENTP...it's a big contrast.
    As a person and as a boyfriend, he's amazing, but there are those little things that frustrate me. He insists on buying me a $130 iPod for Christmas, he insists that I'm too good for him, and he is often appallingly chivalrous and self-sacrificing. I'm no old-fashioned girl! haha. I'm also actually astonished that he's opened up to me as much as he has, as he tried so hard to seem buttoned-up. He insisted that he was a solid bastion of self-control and wasn't particularly interested in sex...fixed his wagon there. He's insecure about how he looks/smells/etc etc...dealing well with that too; one-on-one he loosens up to an impressive extent. There are other mundane little things (and my tendency to spout off intellectual nonsense annoys him a tad...hehe), but apart from that, we're a good, supplementary match. I had this feeling for years, without even having officially met him, that we would get along. Intuition served me well.
    I digress...anyways, what I'm getting at...his martyr-esque tendencies are a slight roadblock for me. I know I can't fix that, but what should I do to best accommodate that, while staying true to myself? Does he want me to acquiesce and let him sacrifice himself to do what he's "supposed" to do for me, or what? I've been struggling with that; my technique so far has been to put up a bit of a token fight in the name of female empowerment, before letting him have his way. It's evident to me that I cannot at any costs let him think I am taking him for granted, but how do I deal with his need to fulfill his perceived duty?

  2. #2
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
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    You are a 16 year old? IMPRESSIVE! Being an ENTP and having been married to an ISFJ I can add a little. I think you are LIGHT years ahead of most guys under 25 and that's just being nice. I DO NOT think that he's going to serve your thirst for long however I also think somebody on your level will have too much ego in the way to be able to handle a personality like yours.

    So I guess I've really failed to tell you anything however I do think long term he's going to not only be too soft for you but fail to keep your attention.

    Best of luck!

  3. #3
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
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    16 years old and "fixing" uptight SJs sexually?

    Nice.

    Anyway, the best thing you can do is just accept him and his ways - you make it sound like there is something about him that just doesn't JIVE with your core, but that can't be the case.

    ISFX men will need a kick in the ass once in awhile is all... even though it's not a "masculine" trait, they want to be told and instructed at times. Just give him that, BS if you have to

  4. #4
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by charliefoxtrot View Post
    He insists on buying me a $130 iPod for Christmas...
    Please stop, this is so sad...

  5. #5
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I'd indulge him for now, and shower appreciation when he deserves it. It's only been 3 months, so once he's a little bit more comfortable with you the need for appreciation and fulfillment of what he believes to be universal female expectations will lift and as he begins to see you more as an individual separate from convention than just a girl he loves out of a preformed mold.



  6. #6
    Member charliefoxtrot's Avatar
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    You are a 16 year old? IMPRESSIVE! Being an ENTP and having been married to an ISFJ I can add a little. I think you are LIGHT years ahead of most guys under 25 and that's just being nice. I DO NOT think that he's going to serve your thirst for long however I also think somebody on your level will have too much ego in the way to be able to handle a personality like yours.

    So I guess I've really failed to tell you anything however I do think long term he's going to not only be too soft for you but fail to keep your attention.

    Best of luck!
    Thank you? haha. Also, I'm not planning long term, I know that's a mistake. For the nonce though, things are good, I'm not bored yet.
    16 years old and "fixing" uptight SJs sexually?

    Nice.

    Anyway, the best thing you can do is just accept him and his ways - you make it sound like there is something about him that just doesn't JIVE with your core, but that can't be the case.

    ISFX men will need a kick in the ass once in awhile is all... even though it's not a "masculine" trait, they want to be told and instructed at times. Just give him that, BS if you have to
    Well, I'm not sure about the meaning behind the "Nice". hah. I'm a liberal-minded and hormonal teenager, give me a bit of a break. Doesn't introverted sensing just like such an ideal function, when it comes to sex?
    But yeah, it's almost funny...he does like me to tell him what to do a little bit, and he likes ME to take most of the initiative and decide things. If we have to choose which movie to watch, it depends on my say. It's annoying but a little liberating in a way. Such a double-edged sword.
    The "accepting" part though, all considered, is alive and well so far.

    Please stop, this is so sad...
    Oh, but it's SUCH a difficult burden to bear...somebody, put me out of my misery...
    I'm BROKE. I like to pretend I'm a semi-decent and semi-unselfish person. It bothers me a little that he won't back down about buying me this expensive object that I don't need.

    I'd indulge him for now, and shower appreciation when he deserves it. It's only been 3 months, so once he's a little bit more comfortable with you the need for appreciation and fulfillment of what he believes to be universal female expectations will lift and as he begins to see you more as an individual separate from convention than just a girl he loves out of a preformed mold.
    I've been saying all the cute things and dispensing all the constant physical contact my Fe side can tolerate. It's been getting good exercise...it's nice to feel things and just let them be felt without questioning them. But I am trying to give him a little run for his money on the preformed mold concept. I asked him out, I started talking to him in the first place, I don't always let him open the door for me.. haha
    But overall agreed, We're still young and it's early in the game, we're still getting used to each other. Much as my instant-gratification oriented, developing adolescent mind would rather disagree. Big words do not equate to wisdom and maturity.
    Unfortunately.

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