[ENTP] ENTP Midlife Crisis

[Tiltyred]

Any ENTPs here currently experiencing their midlife crisis or who have observed this phenomenon and can help me understand?

Midlife

At midlife ENTP's can allow their tendency to experiment recklessly to get out of hand and may destroy or discard the work of half a lifetime, both in personal relationships and in careers. Energy spent in sorting out priorities and values may be a good investment at this time. Developing an increased awareness of emotional reactions and expanding the intensity and range of these through self-development work may be something ENTP's might want to consider at midlife. An increased repertoire of introverted-type activities; for example, gardening, painting, or reading may be a source of pleasure to ENTP's.

ENTP - The Innovator

 

[Synarch]

Problem with your boss? I remember you mentioning him in a past thread. I don't know about any other ENTP's but I have had a midlife crisis since I was about eleven years old. We are just reckless and troublesome. I describe it as living in a storm. Doing quiet things helps me slow down. Slowing down the mind is key. I like to draw and read and go bird watching by myself. When I am in nature and watchful and mindful, it just feels so calming.

 

[Tiltyred]

Yikes, I talk too much. *blush* I'm flattered you remember.

Um, it's possible it could be about my boss, could be just some, ah, hypothetical person. It has no direct effect on me so it's not really a problem for me, and they don't think it's a problem, but from the outside looking in, it's just shocking to see somebody go nuts just about the time you might think they'd be settling down (in their late 40's). It is like watching a storm, that's for sure. It was a little comforting to learn that it's typical of the type, but I'm wondering why.

 

[Synarch]

Yikes, I talk too much. *blush* I'm flattered you remember.

Um, it's possible it could be about my boss, could be just some, ah, hypothetical person. It has no direct effect on me so it's not really a problem for me, and they don't think it's a problem, but from the outside looking in, it's just shocking to see somebody go nuts just about the time you might think they'd be settling down (in their late 40's). It is like watching a storm, that's for sure. It was a little comforting to learn that it's typical of the type, but I'm wondering why.

Oh, no. We all share things here. You should not be worried if anyone remembers the things you share. I found your story very touching. You are obviously a very tender and caring person.

I can't speak for your hypothetical friend, but every year brings new and different challenges for me. In adolescence you struggle on the precipice of becoming an adult. In early adulthood you struggle with what to do next. And so and so on. Always, however, obsessing over the big questions and your place in this world. I keep expecting that I will eventually settle down, but mostly I just learn how to deal with myself and recognize that the way that I am is just something that I have to make work for me. To strive for health and growth and acceptance, rather than some concept of settling down.

 

[Tiltyred]

It seems the title of Innovator goes beyond just ideas -- it's about the very self. As soon as some state of stability is reached, it's interpreted as inertia, and there's an urge to rock the boat, would you say that's true? It's as if things staying the same feels threatening, a situation that must be corrected.

 

[Synarch]

It seems the title of Innovator goes beyond just ideas -- it's about the very self. As soon as some state of stability is reached, it's interpreted as inertia, and there's an urge to rock the boat, would you say that's true? It's as if things staying the same feels threatening, a situation that must be corrected.

You have great insights. I hope you share more of them.

Yes, now that I think about what you wrote. Stability can be seen as death. If there is no pain, no struggle, how do you OVERCOME? How do you grow?

In love for example, love is either growing or diminishing. There is no real stability, more like a cycle. It is easy to see all of life in these terms, if we fail to recognize the basic variable nature of life itself. Stability, in other words, does not exist. It is all a Hericletean flux.

For me, I have just internalized this process and have tried to become healthy by looking at it this way: maybe my real struggle is to learn to not need to struggle. To master my self by washing away by need for mastery.

 

[Tiltyred]

I think love may appear to grow or diminish but it really just is. We might feel it more or less from day to day but for me, love is a matter of faith and trust -- I mean, it's an infinity that exists where you put your faith and trust. As long as you're willing to keep meeting each other in that place, or waiting for one another in that place, I think love can be a constant.

Oh, I know! It's whether you are the pond or whether you are the pebble. And I guess one can't be the other. The pond has to be still and looking at the sky and the pebble has to be making the ripples.

All my life I've tried to get my externals to a point of stability, where there is enough to suffice but not so much to distract or create another set of demands in managing it, and I've finally come to that point, and now I can work but I have the peace of mind and leisure time to pursue other interests. The last thing I want is my externals all rearranged. I take for granted that at some point they will be, but I don't feel a need to get there first.

What is the need to overcome? What is that about?

 

[Synarch]

I think love may appear to grow or diminish but it really just is. We might feel it more or less from day to day but for me, love is a matter of faith and trust -- I mean, it's an infinity that exists where you put your faith and trust. As long as you're willing to keep meeting each other in that place, or waiting for one another in that place, I think love can be a constant.

I like that you see it this way. And I love the way you describe it. It is very pure and hopeful.

Oh, I know! It's whether you are the pond or whether you are the pebble. And I guess one can't be the other. The pond has to be still and looking at the sky and the pebble has to be making the ripples.

What do you mean here? Please elaborate.

All my life I've tried to get my externals to a point of stability, where there is enough to suffice but not so much to distract or create another set of demands in managing it, and I've finally come to that point, and now I can work but I have the peace of mind and leisure time to pursue other interests. The last thing I want is my externals all rearranged. I take for granted that at some point they will be, but I don't feel a need to get there first.

What is the need to overcome? What is that about?

I don't know why there is this need to overcome. I do not think it is healthy. I think it is just a means of survival, rather than an optimal way to live life.

 

[Tiltyred]

Quote:
Oh, I know! It's whether you are the pond or whether you are the pebble. And I guess one can't be the other. The pond has to be still and looking at the sky and the pebble has to be making the ripples.
What do you mean here? Please elaborate.

I'm like a pond -- The ideal inside the pond that it yearns to express is to be calm and reflect -- that's the success of the pond, or its goal.

The ideal of the pebble is to jump into the pond and cause ripples. Or to roll down the path, hit other pebbles, which hit other pebbles, which eventually cause a landslide.

You can't criticize the pond for not being the pebble, or vice versa.

 

[Synarch]

This accurately sums up my feelings about how the ENTP / INFJ complement one another. The INFJ is stable and calm, the ENTP is active and chaotic. Together they CAN work well, though I think it is mostly incumbent on the ENTP to let themselves accept love.

Another way to look at it is the yin-yang or in terms of active vs. passive energies.

 

[ENTP2L]

This accurately sums up my feelings about how the ENTP / INFJ complement one another. The INFJ is stable and calm, the ENTP is active and chaotic. Together they CAN work well, though I think it is mostly incumbent on the ENTP to let themselves accept love.

Couldn't have said it better myself. I love interacting with INFJ's as they really seem to understand me (more so than any other type); and, balance me out. As far as accepting love, I think you are right on point. Some ENTP's may just do it sooner than others, and maybe for most it happens around midlife; possibly serving as the impetus for the "crisis."

 

[Synarch]

I think they just have this ability to hold you with their clarity of emotion. It can be very calming.

 

[ENTP2L]

I think they articulate emotion well (healthy INFJ's at least), identify emotional problem areas, and in a very disarming way, can get us to open up emotionally (a next-to-impossible feat when dealing with me). But yes, it is very calming.

 

[Synarch]

I think they articulate emotion well (healthy INFJ's at least), identify emotional problem areas, and in a very disarming way, can get us to open up emotionally (a next-to-impossible feat when dealing with me). But yes, it is very calming.

It is ironic because I think an ENTP can perform the same function for an INFJ.

 

[ENTP2L]

It is ironic because I think an ENTP can perform the same function for an INFJ.

Probably, but I think that "same fuction" is procedurally quite different. Not to mention that INFJ's seem to have the uncanny ability to actually "feel" what we are feeling. I intellectualize my own feelings before I can understand them let alone someone elses. On the other hand, however, maybe it's our ability to quickly identify and understand the cause of emotional responses; and, our ability to ask the right questions, which could be seen as performing this "same function." I suppose only an INFJ could really answer that question. Moreover, I don't think I've ever had a "calming" affect on anyone.

 

[Synarch]

Probably, but I think that "same fuction" is procedurally quite different. Not to mention that INFJ's seem to have the uncanny ability to actually "feel" what we are feeling. I intellectualize my own feelings before I can understand them let alone someone elses. On the other hand, however, maybe it's our ability to quickly identify and understand the cause of emotional responses; and, our ability to ask the right questions, which could be seen as performing this "same function." I suppose only an INFJ could really answer that question. Moreover, I don't think I've ever had a "calming" affect on anyone.

Maybe a clarifying effect? Cutting to the chase?

Incidentally, I would like to bend your ear some time about the legal profession if you are amenable.

 

[ENTP2L]

Maybe a clarifying effect? Cutting to the chase?

Ahhh, yes. No question there.

Incidentally, I would like to bend your ear some time about the legal profession if you are amenable.

Of course. It would be my pleasure.

 

[Moiety]

Midlife crisis are a myth. No one really knows when they are going to die. Unless they top themselves.

 

[Tiltyred]

No, it's absolutely true ENTP is a stabilizing influence.

I've tried several times to give reasons and I wind up feeling too shy.

 

[Synarch]

No, it's absolutely true ENTP is a stabilizing influence.

I've tried several times to give reasons and I wind up feeling too shy.

Well, that's okay. But just remember we value your personal experience. It helps us!