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[INTJ] INTJs & Affection

soleil

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
376
MBTI Type
ENFP
Okay, a question for the INTJ's ... how do you show affection to someone you are really interested in romantically? Gestures? Do you do the opposite of what you feel?
 

Nihilen

Permabanned
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Oct 27, 2008
Messages
977
MBTI Type
ISTP
2 INTJs in leuve:

botfront.jpg
 

01011010

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Jun 22, 2008
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MBTI Type
INxJ
This thread = Apocalypse :laugh:

If I'm lucky enough to have feelings at all, I certainly don't ignore them. Much less do the opposite. Seems inefficient as a strategy.

I don't care for physical touching or verbalizing affection. I will be helpful though. Fix their computer, clean it etc. Make sure the date activities include a personal element for the recipient. I mentally note anything that is important or loved by them, and give appropriate but non-conventional gifts.
 

Metamorphosis

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May 9, 2007
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3,474
MBTI Type
INTJ
It's entirely different between if I want them or if I already have them.
 

creativeRhino

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Sep 30, 2007
Messages
113
MBTI Type
INTJ
This thread = Apocalypse :laugh:

If I'm lucky enough to have feelings at all, I certainly don't ignore them. Much less do the opposite. Seems inefficient as a strategy.

I don't care for physical touching or verbalizing affection. I will be helpful though. Fix their computer, clean it etc. Make sure the date activities include a personal element for the recipient. I mentally note anything that is important or loved by them, and give appropriate but non-conventional gifts.

that kind of sounds like me.

Being helpful in an intelligent/practical way, not random or mushy.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
+1 for the being helpful part. I'm rarely verbal but physical touch also works for me.
 

Metamorphosis

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May 9, 2007
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INTJ
Yeah, physical is much easier to do than verbal for me, but that's only once I already have them.
 

Metamorphosis

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May 9, 2007
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Besides being more physical, I'll be much more likely to show affection in general once I have them. Before that, helpfulness like binary pointed out or random conversation that is basically about mundane things (my attempt at small talk).
 

The Pascuzzi

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Dec 11, 2008
Messages
48
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1bw
for me, it's all in the actions. words and gestures are nice, but i feel most fulfilled when i can make something work for them that wasn't working before, or at least be able to offer some really valuable adivce.
 

01011010

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Jun 22, 2008
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MBTI Type
INxJ
for me, it's all in the actions. words and gestures are nice, but i feel most fulfilled when i can make something work for them that wasn't working before, or at least be able to offer some really valuable adivce.

Problem solver, eh. Same here, but I do that for anyone that's close to me, not just intimate partners.

Being helpful seems to be the majority. I think the fact that we take an interest and go out of our way to do something for another is the best indication.
 

Aerithria

Senior Thread Terminator
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
568
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Being helpful and attentive, as everyone else mentionned, sarcastically making fun of them less -- or more, depending on the person, actually calling them on the phone every once in a while (I never call people myself)... Of course, when I'm actually with them, I'm slightly more affectionnate.
 

ed111

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Sep 9, 2008
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
Okay, a question for the INTJ's ... how do you show affection to someone you are really interested in romantically? Gestures? Do you do the opposite of what you feel?

If I'm really into someone I tend to become obsessed by that person in the sense that I will think about them all the time.

I will tend to look at them a lot, but will get shy if they look at me. My method of flirting is to joke around with that person. I'd be hoping to get them into a one to one conversation and will suddenly change from my normal demeanour (e.g. critical, flippant, distant). I would not be at all critical (except jokingly). In that one to one situation nothing else in the world would matter to me other than that person.
 

soleil

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Oct 9, 2008
Messages
376
MBTI Type
ENFP
There is this guy I was seeing/talking to (long distance) for about 3 years. We still talk here & there. He lives in Canada & I live in the states. He comes around my parts maybe twice a year, but he keeps in touch by phone (he does most of the calling btw). He has a fear of commitment & likes his own space, but makes little comments like "Maybe we'll be married 10 years from now" & "Just because I don't call often doesn't mean I don't think of you", etc.. I just ignore it & not take it seriously. When we are around each other, he stares into my eyes a lot & gets a little territorial when we are outside saying I'm his girlfriend & bringing me around people he knows. I usually just laugh & keep it moving. He has told me he has cut people out of his life particularly females very quickly. His approach comes off very cold, but I can see past it & see that he's a decent person. He has called just to ask how I'm doing, what I'm reading, etc. etc. It's just a weird thing because I never met an INTJ guy before & it's so different from other interactions I've had or have now. I must admit because of him I learned to keep my distance from people more than I already was. We have this strong, powerful kinetic energy/chemistry, but we never talk about it. In the past, he said we were kindred spirits. According to him, I'm too introverted & need to put myself out there more, HA! coming from an INTJ to an ENFP. I really don't know exactly what I'm trying to get out of this topic...so, I guess my question would be, what the heck is this? I have never been in this predicament before. What does he want? I would love to just be apart of his life no matter what. He's a unique person who I respect & feel a certain level of connection with.
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
3,417
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
...sarcastically making fun of them less -- or more, depending on the person...
Now about this comment, which was probably meant to be minor: How does this dynamic work? Why might you decide to use a little more playful sarcasm? Is it something like "it's cute to see that other person get flustered," or is it more like "it's fun to engage in some light intellectual games," or is it a mix of both?
 

soleil

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
376
MBTI Type
ENFP
If I'm really into someone I tend to become obsessed by that person in the sense that I will think about them all the time.

I will tend to look at them a lot, but will get shy if they look at me. My method of flirting is to joke around with that person. I'd be hoping to get them into a one to one conversation and will suddenly change from my normal demeanour (e.g. critical, flippant, distant). I would not be at all critical (except jokingly). In that one to one situation nothing else in the world would matter to me other than that person.

He jokes around being very sarcastic so, I just play right back. It's all mental games! I read somewhere from an INTJ that they will flirt with everyone (including their friends or other women), but not the person they are "interested" in. Is this a common thing INTJ's do? Just wondering.
 

01011010

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Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ

He jokes around being very sarcastic so, I just play right back. It's all mental games! I read somewhere from an INTJ that they will flirt with everyone (including their friends or other women), but not the person they are "interested" in. Is this a common thing INTJ's do? Just wondering.

INTJs flirt? :huh:
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Sorry 01011010, but this is actually a good example.
 
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