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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippi View Post
    Some of us do. I flirt with people I like, always have, it is mental playfulness as mentioned by others in this thread. But I'm direct and blunt, not all INTJs are like this. As binary numbers said earlier we do tend to be forthright so I doubt an INTJ would flirt with people they didn't like and shy away from the one they did, they just wouldn't flirt with anyone.

    If an INTJ is making any effort to stay in touch with you then he likes you a lot soleil.

    Thank you for your feedback . I noticed a lot of people think of him or INTJ's in general as douchebags. They might come off distant, but I know there is more there than they'd like to show. I just think they approach things totally different. I wouldn't invest so much of my emotions in someone who I didn't believe in so, I guess it's for a reason. Something I observed with my interaction with INTJ's is that we work well together. I know I base a lot of my decisions on my feelings (which isn't always a good thing) so, having someone like that in your life really makes a big difference in a good way.

    I just checked out the intjforums.com & came across this link:
    How does an INTJ show they care/love someone? - Page 4 - INTJ Forum


    From INTJ members:
    "If I flirt like hell with all your friends, but I don't flirt with you, I probably care about you and see them as pawns."

    "We talk to you a lot, give you hugs, and joke around you.

    of course, if im attracted to someone, im usually pretty cold."
    Om–ba–ara–minaya–sabaha
    4w5 sx/so/sp

  2. #42
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    There were a few comments like that in the thread, but the majority said that if they spend time with someone it is a clear indication that they like them. That was the common theme, if we give you the time of day, we care. INTJs seem to only have a small capacity for socializing with the outside world, it drains us more than other types, so we are very choosy about who we invest that time with.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippi View Post
    There were a few comments like that in the thread, but the majority said that if they spend time with someone it is a clear indication that they like them. That was the common theme, if we give you the time of day, we care. INTJs seem to only have a small capacity for socializing with the outside world, it drains us more than other types, so we are very choosy about who we invest that time with.
    I understand better now. Thanks Pippi .
    Om–ba–ara–minaya–sabaha
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  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Now about this comment, which was probably meant to be minor: How does this dynamic work? Why might you decide to use a little more playful sarcasm? Is it something like "it's cute to see that other person get flustered," or is it more like "it's fun to engage in some light intellectual games," or is it a mix of both?
    Definitely more of the second. The people who I usually up the sarcasm for are the people who know how to use it, and it's fun to play that out. It tends to make the dynamic a lot more interesting.
    [insert funny quote/saying/etc.]

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by soleil View Post
    He gets super defensive if you question him or ask him anything that would seem vulnerable. I asked him one time if he missed talking to me (I was being semi-playful) & he responds with some sarcastic remark... "If I didn't, I wouldn't of called you". I'm sure other INTJ's are more receptive, but he's a really stubborn, hard headed motherfucker. I asked him one time what he thought about the idea of soulmates & he just came at me sideways. I wasn't saying he was my soulmate or anything along those lines. I was totally turnoff by his response & just tried to forget about him. He then calls & tells me he wants to know what I'm doing, what I'm up to? . He's the least emotional person I have ever met. He has a very high T. I been questioning whether the problem is his high T or possibly him being a narcissist? Maybe I'm being a dingbat about it, but I can sense he's more than what he's showing. If there's any vulnerable talk going on, it's him bringing it up....not me. I feel uncomfortable asking him. He might accuse me of being too "emotional". I can accept & partake in mental games, but sometimes I just want to say what I want without getting the third degree. I am just thinking about just giving up on the idea of any connection with him.
    Actually, it's subtle but the signals are there. INTJs aren't typically the type to be too overt or obvious in their actions. I've been with the same person for the better part of two years, and I still cringe when she asks me to verbalize how I feel about her, even when it comes to admitting I missed her. Important variable is, I wouldn't be affected at all if I didn't actually have feelings for her. He got defensive immediately. That's a huge sign. You got a reaction, when there normally wouldn't be one at all.

    The fact that he called you even after you put him on the spot like that, means he does like you.

    You have to decide whether or not it's worth putting in the work of deciphering hidden Fi. From my analysis, I think it's obvious he is interested and wants to continue. Keep in mind, that it's best not to ask how he feels or to explain his actions when they might be emotionally driven. You have no idea how difficult it is to be forced to explain. Just let him do his thing without pointing anything out.

    INTJ affection/love is a marathon, not a sprint.

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by 01011010 View Post
    Actually, it's subtle but the signals are there. INTJs aren't typically the type to be too overt or obvious in their actions. I've been with the same person for the better part of two years, and I still cringe when she asks me to verbalize how I feel about her, even when it comes to admitting I missed her. Important variable is, I wouldn't be affected at all if I didn't actually have feelings for her. He got defensive immediately. That's a huge sign. You got a reaction, when there normally wouldn't be one at all.

    The fact that he called you even after you put him on the spot like that, means he does like you.

    You have to decide whether or not it's worth putting in the work of deciphering hidden Fi. From my analysis, I think it's obvious he is interested and wants to continue. Keep in mind, that it's best not to ask how he feels or to explain his actions when they might be emotionally driven. You have no idea how difficult it is to be forced to explain. Just let him do his thing without pointing anything out.

    INTJ affection/love is a marathon, not a sprint.

    Wow, I agree with you completely. Great analysis! Thanks . There were a couple of situations where he let me know he wouldn't put up with certain things. I had to meet him in a different state not too far from me, but my mother just returned from the hospital from knee surgery. I couldn't just leave so, I had to delay the meet up. He was in someone's house waiting for me. I let him know about the situation & he seemed okay with it, but the day went on longer than I thought... my mother came home close to 11PM. He called me & let me know he's pissed off for keeping him waiting so long. I called him later on & let him know that I couldn't make it (trains stop running around 12) to where he was at & apologized. Oh no, he let me have it letting me know it would be the last time we will ever speak. I offered to take a cab to him. This dude calls me back in 10 minutes telling me to get on a cab (it was a 80 ride) paid by him. The second scenario was when I was in a really depressive state & he was nice to me for a bit, but after a while he seemed annoyed by it. I called him a couple of times & he didn't respond back. I called him a week later & he accused me of being unproductive & negative. He made me feel like shit. A couple of weeks later, he calls me asking if I'm still mad & I let him have it. I demanded an apology. I accused him of being a cold-hearted bastard & that I didn't deserve that type of treatment. All I wanted was someone to be nice to me for 5 minutes. I cussed him out & he laughed at me, but he apologized. I wanted to snap his neck, but I knew he apologized in his own way.

    I mean was I wrong? I had to wait for my mother to return. It would be messed up if she came home & I wasn't there. Stuff like this really frustrates me, but I guess I really care for the guy (unfortunately!!!!:steam. Ugh.
    Om–ba–ara–minaya–sabaha
    4w5 sx/so/sp

  7. #47
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    I mean was I wrong? I had to wait for my mother to return. It would be messed up if she came home & I wasn't there. Stuff like this really frustrates me, but I guess I really care for the guy (unfortunately!!!!:steam. Ugh. [/QUOTE]

    no, no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with honoring your family commitments. i'm sure that if you had calmly explained about your mom and given him some time to cool, he eventually would've understood.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by soleil View Post
    Wow, I agree with you completely. Great analysis! Thanks . There were a couple of situations where he let me know he wouldn't put up with certain things. I had to meet him in a different state not too far from me, but my mother just returned from the hospital from knee surgery. I couldn't just leave so, I had to delay the meet up. He was in someone's house waiting for me. I let him know about the situation & he seemed okay with it, but the day went on longer than I thought... my mother came home close to 11PM. He called me & let me know he's pissed off for keeping him waiting so long. I called him later on & let him know that I couldn't make it (trains stop running around 12) to where he was at & apologized. Oh no, he let me have it letting me know it would be the last time we will ever speak. I offered to take a cab to him. This dude calls me back in 10 minutes telling me to get on a cab (it was a 80 ride) paid by him. The second scenario was when I was in a really depressive state & he was nice to me for a bit, but after a while he seemed annoyed by it. I called him a couple of times & he didn't respond back. I called him a week later & he accused me of being unproductive & negative. He made me feel like shit. A couple of weeks later, he calls me asking if I'm still mad & I let him have it. I demanded an apology. I accused him of being a cold-hearted bastard & that I didn't deserve that type of treatment. All I wanted was someone to be nice to me for 5 minutes. I cussed him out & he laughed at me, but he apologized. I wanted to snap his neck, but I knew he apologized in his own way.

    I mean was I wrong? I had to wait for my mother to return. It would be messed up if she came home & I wasn't there. Stuff like this really frustrates me, but I guess I really care for the guy (unfortunately!!!!:steam. Ugh.
    Being efficient is very important. Remember he most likely moves through his life based on the principal of efficiency in everything he does. If you say your going to do something, it's expected to be done. Time wasted is not going to sit well, especially when he went out of his way for you. In the future, you shouldn't make plans that are dependent on others (waiting for your mother), but it certainly wasn't unforgivable. Yet, he overreacted. NTs in general, can be very hurtful and erratic when dealing with emotions for the first time.

    His annoyance ties into dwelling on and pointing out emotions. It's not wrong to do by any means. You just have to understand most INTJs don't see the point of marinating in an emotional stew. It's nothing personal as they would act the same with their own feelings. You pushed him to keep addressing it, when he had already moved past it. That's the wrong strategy. He did initially comfort you. That is good, but don't expect endless reciprocation for a situation he already addressed. INTJs dislike being redundant.

    How old is he?

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by 01011010 View Post
    Being efficient is very important. Remember he most likely moves through his life based on the principal of efficiency in everything he does. If you say your going to do something, it's expected to be done. Time wasted is not going to sit well, especially when he went out of his way for you. In the future, you shouldn't make plans that are dependent on others (waiting for your mother), but it certainly wasn't unforgivable. Yet, he overreacted. NTs in general, can be very hurtful and erratic when dealing with emotions for the first time.

    His annoyance ties into dwelling on and pointing out of emotions. It's not wrong to do by any means. You just have to understand most INTJs don't see the point of marinating in an emotional stew. It's nothing personal as they would act the same with their own feelings. You pushed him to keep addressing it. That's the wrong strategy. He did initially comfort you. That is good, but don't expect endless reciprocation for a situation he already addressed. INTJs dislike being redundant.

    I won't ever again! Normally, I just let it go over my head because I know it's who he is. I am not a demanding person & absolutely loathe conflict, but I was just so angry & had to say what I felt. It was important for me to understand his thought process so, I wouldn't take things so personally. I'm better now & can ride it out with him. It's just so different for me to step outside myself & adjust to his way of being. It's challenging.
    Om–ba–ara–minaya–sabaha
    4w5 sx/so/sp

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Pascuzzi View Post
    I mean was I wrong? I had to wait for my mother to return. It would be messed up if she came home & I wasn't there. Stuff like this really frustrates me, but I guess I really care for the guy (unfortunately!!!!:steam. Ugh.
    no, no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with honoring your family commitments. i'm sure that if you had calmly explained about your mom and given him some time to cool, he eventually would've understood.[/quote]


    Thanks . He did understand after like an hour of explaining myself.
    Om–ba–ara–minaya–sabaha
    4w5 sx/so/sp

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