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  1. #211
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    I lived with, and loved, an INTJ woman for five years. They were warm, interesting, difficult years. At times, she was as affectionate as could be --- and at times she seemed mechanical ...

  2. #212
    Kickin' Ass since 1984 GargoylesLegacy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maabus1999 View Post
    If we are not comfortable with you; very, very true.
    If we are, not so much.
    I second that. When I don't like somebody so much and / or feel uncomfy I will act all cold, assy and just defensive. Also I won't talk and always do something else. I am just not interested then and will never - I repeat - never walk up to them. Not even if they can or COULD help me with something (I'd like to point that out because my roomie said I should keep those people "warm" and just talk to them when I need something. But I am not like that, so I'd rather just kick them out of my life than doing what he said).

    On the other hand, when I like somebody, respect them, feel comfy etc I can be as warm, welcoming, nice, helpful and whatever else as a fire in a cold winternight.
    Rule #1: Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole.

    Again, Demons I get, but people are just crazy.

    ESTP? o.O

  3. #213
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    INTJs and affection? Or maybe just this one...

    It's only when I discover what's true that I feel warm. It's only when I act on it that I feel successful.



    And another thing... INTJs revert to Ti to pwn pretty much everyone, or try to, and it's especially disabling used on NFJs. We can't help it much because by that time it's usually Fi doing the real driving. In it's extreme form you'll recognise it as high pressure, low-voiced and aggressively monotone detailing of why something should happen.



    Affectionate Addendum:

    I like that "only when" formula. Seems like there are other-NJ correlates:

    INFJ: "It's only when I discover warmth that I feel true, and only when I act on it that I feel successful"
    ENFJ: "It's only when I do something warm that I feel true."
    ENTJ: "It's only when I do something successful that I feel warm."

    I guess so, anywayz...

  4. #214
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    I get that INTJs arent really big into affection displays, BUT if you are with an F type, then you need to learn it - spontaneous affection works best - i.e give a little random hug or kiss. (its not that hard! is it?) Im with an INTJ and thats what i miss most from other relationships, there is no passion.

  5. #215
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prosperity View Post
    i.e give a little random hug or kiss. (its not that hard! is it?)
    It is that hard. That empathic connection you naturally develop is extremely hard for us INTs to establish. Takes a great deal of effort. It's as if we're balancing on a very thin, old, weak and rotten beam. Even if we consciously know it'll hold, it's still a very uneasy feeling. We never really know when it'll suddenly break.

    Not trying to make excuses for us, clearly we need to develop our emotional side, but if you realize how hard it really is, then maybe you can appreciate it all the more when it does happen.

  6. #216
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchAngel View Post
    I lived with, and loved, an INTJ woman for five years. They were warm, interesting, difficult years. At times, she was as affectionate as could be --- and at times she seemed mechanical ...
    Most of the time we are. INFJs can make an INTJ seem more human. Kudos to you, for taking the chance.


    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    And another thing... INTJs revert to Ti to pwn pretty much everyone, or try to, and it's especially disabling used on NFJs. We can't help it much because by that time it's usually Fi doing the real driving. In it's extreme form you'll recognise it as high pressure, low-voiced and aggressively monotone detailing of why something should happen.
    Oi. I've never seen that written out before, but I do it often. When stressed, the extreme method you mentioned does come out. I failed to understand why it bothered the XNFJ, but the way you described it speaks volumes. Times like this, remind me exactly why I joined the forum in the first place. For insight, into interactions.

    Thank you.

  7. #217
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    Quote Originally Posted by GargoylesLegacy View Post
    I second that. When I don't like somebody so much and / or feel uncomfy I will act all cold, assy and just defensive. Also I won't talk and always do something else. I am just not interested then and will never - I repeat - never walk up to them. Not even if they can or COULD help me with something (I'd like to point that out because my roomie said I should keep those people "warm" and just talk to them when I need something. But I am not like that, so I'd rather just kick them out of my life than doing what he said).

    On the other hand, when I like somebody, respect them, feel comfy etc I can be as warm, welcoming, nice, helpful and whatever else as a fire in a cold winternight.

    ^^ Sounds nice.

    When you feel this way for a person...are you expressing your affection to them regularly? Since they are worthy of your time & all.
    Om–ba–ara–minaya–sabaha
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  8. #218
    Senior Member Maabus1999's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soleil View Post

    ^^ Sounds nice.

    When you feel this way for a person...are you expressing your affection to them regularly? Since they are worthy of your time & all.
    Worthy of my time is a misnomer. It is more like someone I can trust to be myself completely and not feel uncomfortable with my natural awkwardness of showing emotion at times. In previous relationships, yes I expressed a lot of affection.

    If you want to look at INTJ as a whole, the INTJ is very intuitive in a relationship and will try to fix things to be perfect. Therefore in my case I used affection heavily. I would still have my solitary moments though.

    You seem to be very curious about INTJ's? Are you trying to understand something specificially to help with an INTJ? Or just curious in general. I would suggest having a conversation with an INTJ who has been in long term relationships so you can bounce whatever is on your mind off them.

  9. #219
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Me thinks a majority of INTJs are romantics. Least to some degree of the statement. What do you guys think?
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  10. #220
    Senior Member Maabus1999's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    Me thinks a majority of INTJs are romantics. Least to some degree of the statement. What do you guys think?
    Agree.

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