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  1. #181
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    I struggle to show affection in public, either because i don't get strong emotions, or it just dosn't come naturally.
    Maybe its to do with being a T

  2. #182
    Senior Member ed111's Avatar
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    I have an enfp friend who was studying a degree course. His notes were in a complete mess (e.g. one single large pile) and he was getting stressed about it. I spent approximately 15 minutes sorting it for him. I first seperated everything into separate piles for each unit. Then looked through each unit and separated assignments from notes etc. Once this was done we found some folders, labelled them and put the notes away in their own folders. He seemed very relieved.

    I've also helped him with assignments (although I knew nothing about the subject area of nursing and medicine). He hadn't done any work and the assignment was due in the next week (urgh). What I knew was how to write and structure reports and how to research and write references. Suffice to say he passed.

  3. #183
    Member pockets's Avatar
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    mm. I want me an INTJ already.
    I may be hijacking this thread (would this be bad form?), but how does one:
    1. respond to such overtures of affection from an INTJ?
    2. care for an INTJ in the long term?

    I mean, there are many very useful posts on how INTJs show affection, but I'm really interested in looking for ways to reciprocate best.

  4. #184
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    Quote Originally Posted by pockets View Post
    mm. I want me an INTJ already.
    I may be hijacking this thread (would this be bad form?), but how does one:
    1. respond to such overtures of affection from an INTJ?
    2. care for an INTJ in the long term?

    I mean, there are many very useful posts on how INTJs show affection, but I'm really interested in looking for ways to reciprocate best.
    Don't know if this is what you're looking for but in terms of the second....

    I feel most comfortable around people when I can say something odd I'd been thinking about and they'll entertain a discussion/debate about it. If they think I'm weird for being "random" or if they think I'm trying to start a fight (instead of an intellectual and spirited discussion), it's really hard for me to feel relaxed. So, being open to those types of discussion would make me feel welcomed and safe enough to let my guard down.

    This is kind of a little thing....I'm in college right now, so I spend a lot of late nights at the library...I don't like it when people come to hang around because that distracts me, but I would really, really appreciate something thoughtful like someone dropping off a meal....or a backrub

    I'm a girl, if that matters.

  5. #185
    Senior Member sonata's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pockets View Post
    1. respond to such overtures of affection from an INTJ?
    2. care for an INTJ in the long term?

    I mean, there are many very useful posts on how INTJs show affection, but I'm really interested in looking for ways to reciprocate best.
    Well.

    I'm not entirely sure what you mean by care for. We like to think we don't need a lot of caring for. The moment I start to feel dependent... blah.

    What was said about encouraging us & our ideas is right. But extravagant displays of F in my direction (I think this is Fe especially) usually come off to me as fake. I'm working on this, but that's still the gut response to profuse affection.

    I appreciate cute little thoughtful gestures, more than people would probably realize. A lot of us have a surprisingly potent Fi and if you can appeal to that, we love you.

    If you have a problem, tell us, we can be pretty awful mind-readers.

  6. #186
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    In a way, I think that the INTJ assumes that the friendship is going on beautifully when nothing changes in what normally happens. Thank them by giving them lots of time to get completely comfortable...be like an old warm sweater with just enough spark(ly embroidery). :p Maybe return the favour by buying milk for them when you notice they've run out or save them from an annoying social situation. Or show them a cool sciency/abstract/whatever his field of expertise is article you've stumbled upon. Show us your own strengths and gain our curiosity/respect/awe. Appeal to the Fi in a roundabout way also throwing in Ni and Te - watch a film together and ask him to analyse (masking it as entirely NT proof ) meaningful scenes. Don't do this all at once. Mostly, just let it flow and enjoy the silences, sitting in the same room in silence while each doing your own thing, handing the other person some crisps when you get some and feeling at ease is awesome bonding in itself. Make us feel that it's ok not to say hello and goodbye every time you come into/leave the room.

    INFP INTJ communicates easily in my experience. Tap into the Fi undercurrent - not that much needs actually be said.

  7. #187
    Member pockets's Avatar
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    hey, all this is really useful. yeah, thank you.
    well, i meant 'care' in a loose way, the way labels on sweaters (with sparkly embroidery even) have instructions for 'care'.
    mm. i'm not terribly doting as a person, not inherently at least, though i experience strong feelings, i don't like being smothered, and so keep all smothering on my part to a minimum.
    i'd try the being useful and buying milk (or an equivalent in my situation) tack, though the P in me protests a bit. but milk is useful. everyone needs milk.

  8. #188
    Senior Member sonata's Avatar
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    If I'm a sweater, then hell yes, I have sparkly embroidery.

  9. #189
    Member pockets's Avatar
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    well, what use would a sweater have without sparkly embroidery?

    (that was an Ne leap to Uytuun's post about warm sparkly sweaters rather than an aspersion of any kind on your sparkliness, or lack thereof, or anything, sonata. )

  10. #190
    Member pockets's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    In a way, I think that the INTJ assumes that the friendship is going on beautifully when nothing changes in what normally happens.


    Thank them by giving them lots of time to get completely comfortable...be like an old warm sweater with just enough spark(ly embroidery). :p Maybe return the favour by buying milk for them when you notice they've run out or save them from an annoying social situation. Or show them a cool sciency/abstract/whatever his field of expertise is article you've stumbled upon. Show us your own strengths and gain our curiosity/respect/awe. Appeal to the Fi in a roundabout way also throwing in Ni and Te - watch a film together and ask him to analyse (masking it as entirely NT proof ) meaningful scenes. Don't do this all at once. Mostly, just let it flow and enjoy the silences, sitting in the same room in silence while each doing your own thing, handing the other person some crisps when you get some and feeling at ease is awesome bonding in itself. Make us feel that it's [B]ok not to say hello and goodbye every time you come into/leave the room.


    I do most of that already. Now just to get comfortable with the silences instead of trying to get my Ne feelers out and overreact to the tiniest of changes. INTJs are rather consistent and not too prone to being mercurial, which I tend to be, so that would be stressful to an INTJ, especially if they're not too into interpreting expressions.


    Quote Originally Posted by squibbles View Post
    I feel most comfortable around people when I can say something odd I'd been thinking about and they'll entertain a discussion/debate about it. If they think I'm weird for being "random" or if they think I'm trying to start a fight (instead of an intellectual and spirited discussion), it's really hard for me to feel relaxed. So, being open to those types of discussion would make me feel welcomed and safe enough to let my guard down.

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