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  1. #31
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Like other INTPs have said it's pretty much always harmless banter for me, I would disengage rather than say something harsh.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    So the best tactic is to just return the favor in equal intensity? You prefer someone showing you that you best not step over their boundaries? Is that how T's get to know each other? Or do you sometimes also end up ending each others feelings? And what about when people tell you that you hurt them? Is that a good tactic or do you lose your patience/respect for them?
    If you want it to stop don't encourage by reciprocating, it could be seen as a challenge, they're fun

    Someone I don't really know telling me I've hurt their feelings would prolly result in me distancing myself from them, but then I wouldn't have been serious in the first place.

    If this person is being serious a blunt approach would be best imo.

  2. #32
    Senior Member kuranes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    ^ Congrats, Kuranes!
    Why thank you, blue !
    "The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them that they are being attacked and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
    Reichsfuhrer Herman Goering at the Nuremburg trials.

  3. #33
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    I'm now offering an NT smushing service. It's a lot like place putting, but requires more elbow grease afterwards.

    Now with 50% off masochists!
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  4. #34
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^ Sounds kinky!

    I'm in.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #35
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    I am always serious.

  6. #36
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    I supposedly make hurtful comments (blunt, direct statements) on occasion, but I'm rarely aware of doing so. I think it just boils down to perception. As someone else stated, don't take it personally.

  7. #37
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    if you need something to think about, try to figure out why you give away your sense of what is important instead of "investing" it. there is no "right" way to react, and it is not about how you react that matters, but why.
    I guess in a first contact situation, it's more that I'm looking to connect with someone and it frustrates me when I cannot make that happen. It can feel a bit like being stuck in a dark cold basement. And it makes me wonder what I can do to change it.

    Quote Originally Posted by kuranes View Post
    Certain kinds of people use the "I was just joking. Didn't you get that ?" as a convenient back door, regardless if they actually were joking originally.
    Psst, F's use that too

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    That's why it's generally done in a light hearted way, because there isn't any animosity or judgement in it even when it is actual real criticism, usually.
    Well it is hard to take it as light hearted, when you notice that there's a core of truth hidden in it and when it is formulated as a personal attack (I know, you guys don't see it that way). It helps that you SMILE when saying those things btw

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    That is effing annoying! I hate Fs!
    Point in case. I've seen you around the board a bit, so I've gotten used to it. But you sometimes tell someone they're annoying, lame, whatever without saying why and how they can avoid getting on your nerves in the future. It's a bit..intimidating when directed at you
    Now I sorta know you're just venting about things you find annoying and you don't hold it against the person for a long time, though I'm guessing that if they constantly piss you off you will steer clear of them. I'm trying to avoid the initial confusion I felt when meeting you by trying to understand you guys

    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    You react however you feel you should. If you're offended... say so. If what's said was meant to be a joke, I'll let you know right a way. I guess there's just no textbook method for reading people's intent. As you said, overtime you'll figure the person out... but really, you're better off responding however you feel like and let both parties adjust to each other's conversational style then to try bending over backwards accommodating somebody else.

    I guess I'm trying to smooth out the kinks. I have no intention of bending over backwards, but I'm hoping that by sorta walking a mile in your shoes by hearing your side of the story, to understand it better. I've also noticed that when asking if you did something wrong, as you suggested, you often get to deal with some serious denial I know that this is different for everyone, so I realize that there isn't going to be an easy answer.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Like other INTPs have said it's pretty much always harmless banter for me, I would disengage rather than say something harsh.
    If you want it to stop don't encourage by reciprocating, it could be seen as a challenge, they're fun

    Oh I don't mind playing when I know the game rules. I might be an NF but I'm not made of glass. But first I wanna make sure I understand the rules. I'd feel kinda ridiculous bantering with someone who was actually telling me in a 'subtle' way to go away already.

    Quote Originally Posted by 01011010 View Post
    I supposedly make hurtful comments (blunt, direct statements) on occasion, but I'm rarely aware of doing so. I think it just boils down to perception. As someone else stated, don't take it personally.
    Well that seems to be the general advice and I want to thank everyone for answering my question. I'm gonna go and ponder on this some more now...
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #38
    Senior Member kuranes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Psst, F's use that too
    You'll notice that I didn't restrict the behavior to "NT's" ( in this thread, anyway ), because I don't usually choose to divide people up that way. There are people who describe themselves as "NT's" who don't play these kind of games. I've only rarely joined in on the "type bragging" that is engaged in routinely on the board, and am indeed uncertain of my own type.

    However, I wouldn't say that all of my disagreements with people here are strictly related to "misunderstanding" them. Sometimes we just flat out disagree, with each knowing the other's stance to at least a basic de-gree.
    "The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them that they are being attacked and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
    Reichsfuhrer Herman Goering at the Nuremburg trials.

  9. #39
    Senior Member norepinephrine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I guess in a first contact situation, it's more that I'm looking to connect with someone and it frustrates me when I cannot make that happen. It can feel a bit like being stuck in a dark cold basement. And it makes me wonder what I can do to change it.

    I guess I'm trying to smooth out the kinks. I have no intention of bending over backwards, but I'm hoping that by sorta walking a mile in your shoes by hearing your side of the story, to understand it better. I've also noticed that when asking if you did something wrong, as you suggested, you often get to deal with some serious denial I know that this is different for everyone, so I realize that there isn't going to be an easy answer.
    I don't think you can change it. In fact, don't even try. Situations where someone is trying to connect with me make me itch all over.

    And if you were to ask me "if you did something wrong" (I assume that's what the above means, or is it the other way 'round?), you will hear some serious denial, because it's generally not that you are doing anything wrong. It's simply that something isn't working for me.

  10. #40
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    What I see in the up-and-coming generation is that the clever ripost, put-down, whatever, has become so common place that it confuses everyone. And, I might add, has lost its punch!

    We're a group of people facing a lot of uncertainty and, I think, carrying a great deal of unhappiness in spite of all our material gains.

    This seems to have led to a devil-may-care attitude which reflects our own unhappiness and fosters it in others. It's a negative way of interacting, perhaps meant to relieve feelings of negativity, yet actually increasing them.

    Those who like to insult others are having to up the ante considerably just to be noticed in the cacaphony of insults which pass for camaraderie these days.

    *Put on spectacles and pontificates*

    "Now, in my day, when we wanted to insult someone we had one well-placed zing. And it meant something. Yeah. We knew how to use an insult in a way that made it valuable. And we liked it that way. Yeah, we did. We did it the right way."

    *Mutters*

    "Damn new generation, wasting insults. They think insults are free for the taking. . . Can't teach 'em a blame thing."

    *Hobbles off toward the bathroom.*
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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