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  1. #1
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Question INTP and affection

    I recently read in D. Keirsey's Please understand me that NTs really dislike public display of affection (even though I'm not sure what he exactly means by "affection").
    That puzzled me a bit about an INTP friend and I happened to ask an INTX colleague about this. He said he didn't dislike affection but wasn't too good at being affectionate himself.
    In my experience with this INTP, she seems pretty stiff if I give her a hug and doesn't say much when I tell her I appreciate her in a way or another, but I feel like she's uneasy about it because she doesn't know what to do rather than because she dislikes it. Often, after I've expressed my affection, she won't answer, but will say something nice later. Many days later, sometimes. Most of the times, it has to be read between the lines (very much between the lines). Also, her body language seems to speak too; a slight smile or silent, wide-opened eyes generally follow such moments. I also notice that the event that bound us as friends and led her to open up to me was a moment when I expressed my compassion to her because she was sick.

    An ENTP friend told me she will often react coldly to something touching like this, but that afterwards, when she is alone, she'll think about it and feel emotional. "We are very sensitive deep inside," she said.

    Sometimes, I'd really like to give my friend a hug because I'm glad to see her, but I don't dare to because of how strange she reacts to it.

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    I don't think the rule is hard and fast, but if your s.o. is that way, oh well. I don't have a huge problem with PDA; I've given a girl a huge kiss in the middle of a bookstore.

  3. #3
    perdu fleur par bologne Martoon's Avatar
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    Is this the same huggable plank you were referring to before?
    I'm not a procrastinator. I'm a long-term planner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Martoon View Post
    Is this the same huggable plank you were referring to before?
    It must be. Headline: INTP thinks of nothing but logic all day!

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    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Martoon View Post
    Is this the same huggable plank you were referring to before?
    Yes, same plank. Very tall and thin, and stiff if you hug her. But she grows nicer and warmer, it seems to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    Yes, same plank. Very tall and thin, and stiff if you hug her. But she grows nicer and warmer, it seems to me.
    My advice, whether you want it or not, would be not to assume there's some deep emotional current running through her that she doesn't want to share. INTPs really are unemotional most of the time.

  7. #7
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    I can relate to that - I'm not one for PDA. I dislike it a lot when people start lip-locking near me in public and try not to do it myself.

    In my experience with my INTP, she seems pretty stiff if I give her a hug and doesn't say much when I tell her I appreciate her in a way or another, but I feel like she's uneasy about it because she doesn't know what to do rather than because she dislikes it. Often, after I've expressed my affection, she won't answer, but will say something nice later. Many days later, sometimes. Most of the times, it has to be read between the lines (very much between the lines).
    Yes, this sounds a bit like me, too (except the stiffness). I'd even rather initiate it independently than respond to affection because I'm either caught off-guard or, when I am expected to respond, afraid that I'm "doing it wrong".
    Ti (43); Ne (41.8); Te (33.7); Fi (30.5); Ni (27.5); Se (24.7); Si (21.5); Fe (17.3)
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    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacuss View Post
    I can relate to that - I'm not one for PDA. I dislike it a lot when people start lip-locking near me in public and try not to do it myself.
    Oh, I can understand this perfectly. I hate it myself.

    I suppose INTPs will like affection that they can think about, i.e. something said rather than done (in the physical). My friend generally responds to this better. But she has to think about it first (which is why the response will come much later).

    The stiffness is probably linked to being caught off-guard, I guess.

    But what is an INTP family like? Will there be any hugs at all, or everyone is cold and unemotional with each other ?

  9. #9
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    I suppose INTPs will like affection that they can think about, i.e. something said rather than done (in the physical).
    I don't find this true in my own case, but don't rule it out for your friend.

    My friend generally responds to this better. But she has to think about it first (which is why the response will come much later).
    Makes sense.

    The stiffness is probably linked to being caught off-guard, I guess.
    Makes sense, too.

    But what is an INTP family like? Will there be any hugs at all, or everyone is cold an unemotional with each other ?
    A whole family? Wow. I thought there was 1 per family rationing of intps.
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  10. #10
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    I recently read in D. Keirsey's Please understand me that NTs really dislike public demonstration of affection (even though I'm no sure what he exactly means by "affection").
    That puzzled me a bit about an INTP friend and I happened to ask an INTX colleague about this. He said he didn't dislike affection but wasn't too good at being affectionate himself.
    In my experience with my INTP, she seems pretty stiff if I give her a hug and doesn't say much when I tell her I appreciate her in a way or another, but I feel like she's uneasy about it because she doesn't know what to do rather than because she dislikes it. Often, after I've expressed my affection, she won't answer, but will say something nice later. Many days later, sometimes. Most of the times, it has to be read between the lines (very much between the lines). Also, her body language seems to speak too; a slight smile or silent, wide-opened eyes generally follow such moments. I also notice that the event that bound us as friends and led her to open up to me was a moment when I expressed my compassion to her because she was sick and called her "pitchounette" which means "sweetie" or something like this in french.

    An ENTP friend told me she will often react coldly to something touching like this, but that afterwards, when she is alone, she'll think about it and feel emotional. "We are very sensitive deep inside," she said.

    Sometimes, I'd really like to give my friend a hug because I'm glad to see her, but I don't dare to because of how strange she reacts to it.
    YOUR INTP?
    That's a bad start right there. She's not your girlfriend.
    Don't hug her: she doesn't like it. The fact that you are obsessing about this suggests that she has good reason.
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