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  1. #1
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    Default Assertiveness...

    What are some methods you have used to help yourself become more assertive? How do you train yourself effectively?

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    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Do you mean in making it easier to do with others or are you more interested in peoples ideas about clarity on what assertiveness is, Uber?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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    I'm interested in how people deal with it. How people gain the confidence to stand up to people rather than constantly rehearsing it. How they change their thought processes to become more assertive.

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    You try it, realise the benefits outweigh the cost, try it again, feel that it's not scary anymore, and then voila! it's second-nature.

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    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    Respect yourself -- assertiveness begins and ends with self-respect.

    Speak your mind. Walk with your head up. Square your chest.

    Life gets much easier. Much more playful.


    Assertiveness isn't aggressiveness. Protecting your interests means that you still maintain a dual responsibility to respect the civilities of others.

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    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Behavioral therapy is famous for its assertiveness training. You can read about it at other sites too.

    Poisonally, I think it has to do with integrity. If you maintain honor and respect for yourself, asserting yourself becomes second nature (after you experiment with it a bit). Sometimes, though, you develop that integrity by asserting yourself. At first, it's something you have to try doing, even though it makes you uncomfortable. Finding a good person to model your behavior after, someone who's assertive yet smart and caring, is a good idea too.

    Edit: seems like me, Night and Amargith are all on the same page.

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    What are ways to gain self-respect?

    I mean, I just feel trapped. I just rehearse the assertiveness in front of the air. I can't confront people because part of the problem is that I don't have power over anyone.

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    I think being assertive also comes down to not trying to control others. (That's aggression.)

    Reasoning:
    1. If you want something from someone else, it's hard to be assertive because there's a chance they won't give you what you desire.
    2. Thus, you'll usually tend to play things safe, not risk offending, try to maneuver things so that they'll easily accommodate what you desire.
    3. If you're assertive, you have realized that your self-respect and values/beliefs are more important to adhere to than necessarily getting something from the other person.
    4. Thus you can stand your ground, regardless of how the other person might respond.
    5. It also involves some self-confidence in knowing you can survive with or without the other person's accommodations. Survival is in your hands, not theirs.

    I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it's worked for me: I am assertive because I'm not expecting anything back, so I have nothing to lose by being assertive.
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    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    What are ways to gain self-respect?

    I mean, I just feel trapped. I just rehearse the assertiveness in front of the air. I can't confront people because part of the problem is that I don't have power over anyone.
    No one has power over anyone, it's given by the person you supposedly hold power over. Power is an illusion.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

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