User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 63

  1. #11
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    2,967

    Default

    There's Edahn. (See? You tried to hide from me last night and I stiill found you! Heh.) Those are pretty good observations about assertiveness.

    It's not an easy thing to do if you haven't learned or been encouraged at an early age.

    And it is important to really understand what assertiveness is. Done well it's clean of insinuation, passive-aggressive undertones, name calling. There are lots of folks who think they're assertive who are simply being slyly aggressive.

    I can do that quite well on occasion. And certainly there are situations when that may be the best method of dealing with something. But first a person has to get clear about the difference.

    For me, Uber, self-respect came from defining my values system and disciplining myself to live by it.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #12
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,657

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    What are ways to gain self-respect?

    I mean, I just feel trapped. I just rehearse the assertiveness in front of the air. I can't confront people because part of the problem is that I don't have power over anyone.
    You find out what you're good at and realize it, instead of taking it for granted. You're btw in a great place to discover that And then you look at your weaknesses, check out people who are good at your weaknesses and take lessons from them. And most importantly: you learn to forgive yourself for not being perfect


    Edit: I agree with Anja. Decide what is important to you and adhere to that
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #13
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    2,967

    Default

    Yay Jen!

    You said "It."

    That's when one begins to feel true freedom. When one stops trying to control.

    Odd paradox, but true.

    Edit: I meant "Yay Jennifer!"

    Another edit: But that's a ways down the road for someone who's starting to learn how to speak assertively. An important component to keep in mind, nonetheless.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #14
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5/8
    Socionics
    ENTp None
    Posts
    4,754

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    What are ways to gain self-respect?

    I mean, I just feel trapped. I just rehearse the assertiveness in front of the air. I can't confront people because part of the problem is that I don't have power over anyone.
    You have to believe that your ideas are worthwhile, and that others would profit from hearing them.

    Confidence is quiet. Insecurity is a bullhorn.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    2,967

    Default

    Could a piece of self-respect come from practicing respecting others?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  6. #16
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,122

    Default

    A good part of it is like everyone else said- respect yourself. Also, have a sense of who and what you are, if you do that you won't need to fear other people and will be more willing to stand up to them.

    I made this post several months ago giving practical tips to someone on how to be assertive, it may be of some use to you perhaps
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  7. #17
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5/8
    Socionics
    ENTp None
    Posts
    4,754

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Could a piece of self-respect come from practicing respecting others?
    I think this is inextricable to self-respect.

    Everyone deserves dignity.

    Protecting others is key to promoting a general sense of self-worth (people need me to speak my mind, because they can't always do it themselves), which in turn coalesces into global self-respect.

  8. #18
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    11,925

    Default

    I really don't know myself. I just exist.

    I feel as if I'm being watched, and that's what prevents me from going after what I want. It's been like this for so long, now I don't know what I want.

  9. #19
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,122

    Default

    Do something DIFFERENT, and outside of your normal comfort zone. That could prompt a change
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #20
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    Also, have a sense of who and what you are, if you do that you won't need to fear other people and will be more willing to stand up to them.
    Yes, like I hinted at, I think a lot of lack of assertiveness is trying to be opportunistic and trying to maximize what you can get out of someone, rather than committing up front to a particular image of yourself and being willing to live with the ramifications of that, for good or bad..
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

Similar Threads

  1. Assertive at the work place..
    By entropie in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-20-2010, 03:21 PM
  2. [INFP] INFP: Different person when assertive?
    By Coeur in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 09-29-2009, 06:19 AM
  3. What is assertiveness to you...
    By Dali in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 04-13-2009, 09:44 PM
  4. Extraversion And Social Assertiveness?
    By Mondo in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 07-26-2008, 07:31 AM
  5. [MBTItm] Problems being overly assertive?
    By SolitaryWalker in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 12-14-2007, 03:06 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO