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  1. #1
    Senior Member Chemgrl82's Avatar
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    Question Mindmates - how far will you go?

    Edit: I'm linking this page to a much larger discussion on mindmates here.
    If you are unaware of this theory, it may be a better starting point than this OP.

    As some of you may know, the concept of having a mindmate for an NT is very real. While NFs tend to lean toward soulmates, SPs lean toward playmates, SJs go for helpmates, NTs like their mindmates.

    For those of you that have had a mindmate (in real life or long distance) how far have or would you be willing to go? Given that your attraction lies within the gender that they are (i.e. you're not a hetero female with another female mm), what have you thought about doing or have done to be with a mm?

    If you or the other person has been in a serious relationship or marriage, would you end it?

    Would you travel far distances or move?

    Are there things you'd be willing to compromise on? If so, what are they?

    Have you ever had a mindmate long distance only to find the connection diminish in person upon meeting?

    And finally, if circumstances were hard to overcome, how long did you wait to see if it could be duplicated with someone else? Or do you just accept the way things are and let it go?

    I'm just basically curious to what extremes such a connection has taken you, be it in thought or action.
    Last edited by Chemgrl82; 11-22-2008 at 09:57 AM. Reason: adding link.
    Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
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  2. #2
    Kickin' Ass since 1984 GargoylesLegacy's Avatar
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    Hm, interesting Question actually. =)
    Personally I did already move for some Persons. And in General...I would go as far as my Behaviour and the other Person lets me, I guess. Whatever is "within my normal Nature" or within my Compromise-Limit.

    As far as Disappointement with Meetings go...Normally I always had a right Impression of the Persons. So I wasn't really disappointed so far.

    BTW, I am currently having a Thing like this. I will see how it turns out. *smile*

    I'm pretty curious to read about others too.
    Rule #1: Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole.

    Again, Demons I get, but people are just crazy.

    ESTP? o.O

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chemgrl82's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GargoylesLegacy View Post
    Hm, interesting Question actually. =)
    How far did you move and how many times did you meet before moving if you don't mind me asking?
    Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
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  4. #4
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    I met a mindmate on my gap year program. Later in the year we learned about MBTI, and found out we were both INTJs.

    He was a more distinctly introverted person than me, but we had fascinating talks and weird similarities. (Which of course could later be attributed to us both being INTJs and not having met someone so similar to ourselves.)

    At first I was excited that I had found someone to help me understand myself more deeply; later I began to really crush on him. I found out he had a girlfriend of two years (they are still dating two years later, which, at my age, is really impressive and probably means marriage). Dealbreaker. Luckily, this was 3 or 4 weeks into the program so I gave myself perhaps 3 days of space from him (the gap year program involved extensive traveling with everyone, so 24/7 living with people who squish next to you in a 15-passenger van means 3 days of space from someone is a lot).

    By then I had gotten over it. I set distinct boundaries in my mind, and I don't know that it ever occurred to him that I was crushing on him at the beginning. He was a committed BF to his GF, so it made things a lot easier. Just stuck to predefined boundaries in my head.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  5. #5
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    It really comes down to the, "do you believe all is fair in love and war?"

    I don't believe that. I believe once rings go on (and probably earlier) you've established a commitment to be there for each other. No one wants to spend their marriage wondering if someone better will show up--how much would that simply fuck up your mindset? Is this really a healthy way for any monogamous LTR to be?

    I think we have the responsibility to choose our partners wisely, and then it's in everyone's best interests to invest your heart and soul into that relationship and keep boundaries where they need to be kept.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  6. #6
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I believe once rings go on (and probably earlier) you've established a commitment to be there for each other.
    Yeah, but if you fall out of love with someone, are continually unhappy in the relationship, or fall for someone else... I don't see why someone should stay with a person they just don't want to be with just because they are married, especially if no kids are involved yet.

  7. #7
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    Yeah, but if you fall out of love with someone, are continually unhappy in the relationship, or fall for someone else... I don't see why someone should stay with a person they just don't want to be with just because they are married, especially if no kids are involved yet.
    Would you leave a decent relationship for something better though? i.e. the Mindmate that you didn't find earlier? I wouldn't.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #8
    Senior Member Chemgrl82's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    It really comes down to the, "do you believe all is fair in love and war?"

    I don't believe that. I believe once rings go on (and probably earlier) you've established a commitment to be there for each other. No one wants to spend their marriage wondering if someone better will show up--how much would that simply fuck up your mindset? Is this really a healthy way for any monogamous LTR to be?

    I think we have the responsibility to choose our partners wisely, and then it's in everyone's best interests to invest your heart and soul into that relationship and keep boundaries where they need to be kept.
    Sound advice.

    But what if your LTR is already in the crapper and a mm comes along, stomping through what's left of your little private reverie?
    Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
    E:63% N:84% T:84% J:68%
    8w7 sx

  9. #9
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Would you leave a decent relationship for something better though? i.e. the Mindmate that you didn't find earlier? I wouldn't.
    Well surely the level of commitment would matter (a girlfriend compared to a wife) but if I was perfectly happy in the relationship, I probably wouldn't have fostered a deep Mindmate relationship with someone of the opposite sex that I was attracted to in the first place.

    But this is why I want to choose who I get serious with or marry carefully, so I can avoid that potential situation all together.

  10. #10
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    On a related note, I've noticed that there really isn't that much literature on mindmates. In fact, the #1 site that comes up for "mindmates" on google is just an INTPc thread.

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