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  1. #111
    Senior Member Chemgrl82's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    The term "mindmates" is used in Kiersey's Please Understand Me II. IIRC, it's like the conception of how each type best relates in a relationship and expresses LOVE.

    He also uses:

    * Artisan Playmate
    * Idealist Soulmate
    * Guardian Helpmate

    The concept of the Mindmate may just be the NT version of romance.
    Yes, I have the book. While I understand Keirsey's vague touch on the matter, I have to say that from personal experience, and from about 900 more posts in that thread I can tell you that it's a bit different from any romance.
    Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
    E:63% N:84% T:84% J:68%
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  2. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    The term "mindmates" is used in Kiersey's Please Understand Me II. IIRC, it's like the conception of how each type best relates in a relationship and expresses LOVE.

    He also uses:

    * Artisan Playmate
    * Idealist Soulmate
    * Guardian Helpmate

    The concept of the Mindmate may just be the NT version of romance.
    Some take a more practical approach, and only look for a butt-buddy.

  3. #113
    Senior Member Chemgrl82's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delilah View Post
    I have heard that, I still don't see the difference between that, and being in love then?
    Love is an action, imho. Sure, you can be infatuated and FEEL loved, and even feel love toward someone, but overall, I believe love to be an action - a choice.

    Mindmates happen and they get inside your head. There's no choice... unless you stamp, stamp, stamp. Ahem.

    In regards to my very first post in that thread nearly a year ago, I was so taken aback by what I had experienced I didn't even know what to call it. I honestly thought I was losing my mind. When I read that thread, it all clicked. ALL. It was the perfect description of what was going on.

    This probably doesn't help at all.

    Edit: My point was that "love" can go away. The "feelings" will subside and/or you choose not to show it in your actions any longer.

    Mindmates sorta stay. No matter the range of time that goes by, that connection is always there. It's some sort of sick bond to another person's mind. Like, you may not know the events of what's going on with them daily, but you know how their mind will respond to it, and can be dead on without them telling you.
    Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
    E:63% N:84% T:84% J:68%
    8w7 sx

  4. #114
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    Some take a more practical approach, and only look for a butt-buddy.
    You free later? Want to catch a movie? I hear High School Musical 3 is a trip.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  5. #115
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Usehername attempts to verbalize some of the INTJ/INTJ mindmate connection she experienced before learning about MBTI:

    Met a guy on the gap year program where we lived as a traveling group across Canada and Africa. He seemed like any quiet intellectual: reserved, intelligent, made occasional witty jokes with a poker face and was respectful to those around him. Initially didn't think anything of him, except that I tried to convince him to come do something with me (go rowing on the lake in a racing rowing boat; I used to row) and I curiously noted that he was resistant for the exact same reasons that I am resistant to things when people try to convince me. I knew he wanted to do it, but the way he debated my points and was getting more and more stubborn the more I tried to convince him (when I still treated him like a typical guy) gave me an eerie sense of "getting" his stubbornness.

    /first 12 hours of knowing him.

    Sat next to him on a van ride to our next location. Noticed his iPod earbuds slip out of his pocket and that they weren't attached to his iPod. I got what he was doing (trying to daydream without being offensive and ignoring people) and pointed it out to him without a word. He smiled and appreciated that I didn't tell anyone else.

    /a whole day of knowing him.

    The second full day of the program, we sat down and had a long very abstract debate. I don't remember what it was, but we both sat there and looked at each other and were very comfortable with things. We talked about how we didn't think we'd be traumatized at all by seeing all the dying kids in Africa when we went later in the semester. (Both of us felt nothing. Which is not to say we didn't deeply feel for these kids, but instead that we process emotions in a way very disjointed from our sensory present reality.)

    Shared similar quirks of personality.

    Would both be very moody when it came to needing personal space--one time I really wanted to have at a deep discussion just for the sake of it; he was in a funk and wanted to read and I "got" why without any offense taken, so I went to read by myself because no one else could debate as well on the topics I was interested in (that he was also interested in).
    Two hours later, he came to find me because he had a new idea he wanted to theorize about with me, but I was in that funk that I just wanted space.

    This was the first time I saw him really visibly frustrated. He anxiously called out, "Usehername! Stimulate me!" as I left the room. (LOL.) "... mentally(!)" was his weak afterthought when he realized what came out of his mouth.


    All in all, it was just a weird connection. We both realized that despite our superficial differences, we were fascinated by the same thing, were aggravated by the same thing, were selfish in the same way, and generally were very core-motivation similar.

    Later on the gap year program we all took the MBTI and it turned out we were both INTJs. There was also a third but she was anorexic throughout the program and ended up in the hospital after the year, so she wasn't exactly mentally healthy at the time that I knew her (though we also connected very very well).
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  6. #116
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^ That's just finding someone else like you. I guess that doesn't happen very often for NTs. Maybe that's why they make such a big deal of it.

    I was practically born with mine, so I guess I don't find it that exceptional.
    I subsequently discovered it was rare, but I never experienced it as 'revelation', because I'd always known it was possible...
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #117
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    ^ That's just finding someone else like you. I guess that doesn't happen very often for NTs. Maybe that's why they make such a big deal of it.
    It's overrated. *yawn*

  8. #118
    Senior Member Chemgrl82's Avatar
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    FWIW, Both times I've experienced this it's been with an INTP.

    I think there is something to be said for finding someone similar to you, like INTJ + INTJ, but my experience was a bit different. We have our obvious differences, yet there is something much stronger.

    I've met other INTPs (IRL) and it's not been the same, so I now know it's not just the dynamic between our types that caused this craziness.
    Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
    E:63% N:84% T:84% J:68%
    8w7 sx

  9. #119
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Do they get it though? There are several different definitions here. I don't think everyone is talking about the same thing. That's why I was pressing for a common definition - seems there isn't one. Ergo, there is no such thing.
    Have a read of the synesthesia thread. It's hard for non-syns to really understand what it's like for syns or for syns to put it into words, but synesthesia does exist, with research to back it up.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

  10. #120
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluebell View Post
    Have a read of the synesthesia thread. It's hard for non-syns to really understand what it's like for syns or for syns to put it into words, but synesthesia does exist, with research to back it up.
    Yes, case in point. I'm not synaesthetic but I can totally understand what it is and I can sort of imagine what it is like.
    Last edited by MacGuffin; 11-21-2008 at 11:41 PM. Reason: derailment
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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