Thanks for all of these replies - each has really got me thinking
I havent worked out how to do multiple quotes (can someone tell me?) so quotes are in bold
They love to screw around . . . so so so much.
I recognise this as being who he is
If you want to have fun with him, then up the sarcasm and whoop him at his own Ne game by being just as quick.
I really wish I could but I can only do this when I feel safe with people - then I can be as quick
[QUOTE][/QUOTE]Prepare something to say when he crosses the line, but also prepare something to lighten the situation and show him that he doesn't have to be guarded from that point on. Something reassuring, funny, and genuine.
this is what Ive tried to do and have had some success with but I can never relax when he's around
It would take a very confident INFP with good extraversion skills to do this, and even then she would be vulnerable to being caught off guard and distracted and pressurised by having to deal with it at a moment's notice.
So well understood ragashree - I do have some good extraversion skills - I have to have in my workplace - but I have to plan carefully in terms of how I use them - this entp wit is so quick I cant keep up.
However, bronte, I wonder what your part in this is. I don't get the impression of you being very pro-active about it so far (though I could be wrong). Did you actually SAY anything to him about it. Directly? If you are seething or hurting inside but don't let anything show he is not likely to work it out for himself. If you want anything to change I really do think the best option is to be straightforward and direct with him and tell him what the problem is and when it is occuring, and that although you like him as a person you feel uncomfortable being around him when he says and does X, Y, and Z. If he really does like you and respect you I would hope he can be mature enough to at least try to work on his behaviour. If he's just looking for someone to bully and act as a passive target for his remarks, however, you might want to be a little more judgemental than is your wont as an INFP and consider that you are entitled to respect yourself, and are not obliged to be nice to anyone who is not prepared to give you it.
The thing I find most difficult is his lack of respect for others - the thing he does which really upsets me is slagging other people off - I do challenge him and tell him he's wrong about the person and thats when the piss taking starts. Once in a meeting when he was being really obnoxious and laughing at the suggestions other people made I told him he was being disrespectful and I directly challenged him - he didnt speak to me for a couple of days and then acted like everything was ok again.
Yet at times he can be very decent and his work is brilliant - I know I can learn a good deal from him and I respect his experience, his knowledge and intuitive understanding of his subjct area - I just wish I could relax a bit more around him -