[ENTJ] ENTJs in love..

[entropie]

sry

 

[Neo Genesis]

I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.

Its a tricky matter for everyone, not just ENTJs.

 

[Maverick]

Why?

Because ENTJ's have some kind of pathetic excuse for a feeling function. Under the command of Extraverted Thinking, feelings become simple all/nothing or black/white affairs.

At an early age, because of the immaturity of their feelings, ENTJ's tend to have strong sentimental streaks which turn melodramatic. In practice, this means they tend to write cheesy poetry in secret and make their thinking go in a loop trying to figure out what on earth is this strange and new information from their body.

Don't worry, with age you will be able to see feelings in terms of a continuum instead of an everything/nothing issue.

 

[Synarch]

Probably a J thing. All in or all out. Just spend more time in selection process.

 

[Harlow_Jem]

Its a tricky matter for everyone, not just ENTJs.

Why?

Because ENTJ's have some kind of pathetic excuse for a feeling function. Under the command of Extraverted Thinking, feelings become simple all/nothing or black/white affairs.

At an early age, because of the immaturity of their feelings, ENTJ's tend to have strong sentimental streaks which turn melodramatic. In practice, this means they tend to write cheesy poetry in secret and make their thinking go in a loop trying to figure out what on earth is this strange and new information from their body.

Don't worry, with age you will be able to see feelings in terms of a continuum instead of an everything/nothing issue.

Probably a J thing. All in or all out. Just spend more time in selection process.

Well, I didn't mean to make it sound like it was really a problem, per say. I kind of like it like that. If I find the right person to love, why shouldn't they have all the love I want to give? I don't think one should hold back on everything they have to give.

It's kind of like a filter where unless I find someone perfect, they won't get any love, but I'll know when I find the perfect one to come along... I'll know they'll be worthy of loving when I realize I'm not holding back and intuitively know I want to give them everything.

 

[Addict_Inquiry]

Harlow Jem:

I am an ENTJ and can identify with your opening remarks. I am single, essentially always have been, but the handful of times I did fall, I fell hardddd. I would think about the person frequently and sort of plan just what I wanted to say to them and just generally fantasize about them. And no big surprise that I usually end up creating a mental image that's much more exciting than what actually came to pass. Rarely is my level of care, dedication, and outright love matched. It's a sore spot for me, actually. I'm working on controlling myself and attempting to use my Feeling functions as effectively as I can, without letting my NT need to project into the future muddle the flow of the relationship.

 

[Yazoo]

Harlow Jem:

I am an ENTJ and can identify with your opening remarks. I am single, essentially always have been, but the handful of times I did fall, I fell hardddd. I would think about the person frequently and sort of plan just what I wanted to say to them and just generally fantasize about them. And no big surprise that I usually end up creating a mental image that's much more exciting than what actually came to pass. Rarely is my level of care, dedication, and outright love matched. It's a sore spot for me, actually. I'm working on controlling myself and attempting to use my Feeling functions as effectively as I can, without letting my NT need to project into the future muddle the flow of the relationship.

Me too.

 

[runvardh]

I'm working on controlling myself and attempting to use my Feeling functions as effectively as I can, without letting my NT need to project into the future muddle the flow of the relationship.

Let me know what you find out, my Fi ain't helping me worth crap.

 

[Dwigie]

My experience has been random sympathy, possessiveness, eavesdropping
and overall borderline stalker behavior from the part of one.
It can get scary

 

[Bougal]

Harlow Jem:

I am an ENTJ and can identify with your opening remarks. I am single, essentially always have been, but the handful of times I did fall, I fell hardddd. I would think about the person frequently and sort of plan just what I wanted to say to them and just generally fantasize about them. And no big surprise that I usually end up creating a mental image that's much more exciting than what actually came to pass. Rarely is my level of care, dedication, and outright love matched.

This is exactly how I am. I have only ever like two guys. One was my best friend, and I loved him for 8 years, and the other is current. I have had plenty of guys express interest, but I am cold in returning it. When I fall, it is always really hard, and the come backs are hell.

 

[Seraph]

is it kind of like an unleashing of a massive force pouring out of a spout that's both too small and has no handles to control the flow?

Well said. The very few times I have been in love, it was similar to the description above. It tends to dominate my life in a healthy way.

Essentially, when i say 'Love', I mean 'Love'. It won't be watered down. It will blast you full force, like it or not. Maybe to the extent of sappy. Then again, I am a sucker for the traditional notion of romance(romantic evenings, sunsets, the works).

 

[Chemgrl82]

I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.

This is me. When I do love, it comes hard. I love fiercely and passionately, with everything in me. Balance is hard for me. If I ever find that love to be improperly distrubuted or timed, I will, however, shut it off.

It's all or nothing, really. It's not that I stop loving that person, because when I love them, it's very genuine. But I do separate it from myself and pack it far, far away so much that if I ever need or want to pull it out again, it's going to have to be unburried.

Transalation: Once I choose to pack it away, it's going to take a lot more work and a few more hurdles before I pull it back out again, since obviously something happened initially to make me disconnect from it.

It will blast you full force, like it or not. Maybe to the extent of sappy. Then again, I am a sucker for the traditional notion of romance(romantic evenings, sunsets, the works).

Thank you. I was beginning to think I was an odd ENTJ.

 

[Lateralus]

Okay, I don't know if it's just me but for other ENTJ's out there: the rare times that you actually happen to fall in love, is it kind of like an unleashing of a massive force pouring out of a spout that's both too small and has no handles to control the flow?

I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.

I'm much the same way. It's all or nothing.

 

[LeonardoLestat]

Okay, I don't know if it's just me but for other ENTJ's out there: the rare times that you actually happen to fall in love, is it kind of like an unleashing of a massive force pouring out of a spout that's both too small and has no handles to control the flow?

I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.

All or nothing

We naturally keep a tight leash on ourselves, but since we are most detached from our feelings, and our Feelings will never be fully conscious (we will never be IxFP's), we are just all or nothing...

It's a weakness but also a strength (a strength when you're with the right ppl)

 

[Marc790]

Okay, I don't know if it's just me but for other ENTJ's out there: the rare times that you actually happen to fall in love, is it kind of like an unleashing of a massive force pouring out of a spout that's both too small and has no handles to control the flow?

I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.

I think you crystal-clearly summed it up. As ENTJ's, we don't fall in love a lot, probably because of our high standards and our desire to ensure the relationship makes sense and fits into the bigger picture, but once we do fall, it's often with our hands tied behind our back, and face-first onto the concrete.

It's a good thing, I think - in that while we're not desperate, when we do fall in love, it's actually real and wholehearted.

Two quotes that I think sum up our philosophies of love well.

1) "I am falling quicker than I thought I could or said I would; and you aren't helping any. Help me, break my fall. Catch me with your smile."

2) "I don't want to build my life around you, but I want to include you in the building of my life." This quote, I think, defines us as ENTJ's, in that we are only accepting of love if love, indeed, "makes sense." If it doesn't, we'd rather be by ourselves.

Marc

 

[juggernaut]

I find that I only work in extremes. I either give no love or all my love. I can't seem to figure out how to give just enough love.

I used to feel this way. Then I realized it was just hormones. Now I just take these bouts of "love" for what they are, and wait for them to pass...sort of like the flu. There are people I care for deeply, because I see great value in them as human beings, but this "falling for" stuff is, in my mind, something akin to PMS or postpartum depression. I think that's why it's generally quite fleeting. You may grow to genuinely care for the person on the other end of your chemical weirdness, but the falling itself is no different than what rutting animals experience (which is perfectly fine by me, btw...I'm okay with being an ape). I think ENTJs may find this more disconcerting than other types simply because it's something they cannot control. We're all just victims of our biology, regardless of how driven and reasonable we believe ourselves to be.

 

[lane777]

I think you crystal-clearly summed it up. As ENTJ's, we don't fall in love a lot, probably because of our high standards and our desire to ensure the relationship makes sense and fits into the bigger picture, but once we do fall, it's often with our hands tied behind our back, and face-first onto the concrete.

I definitely share this all or nothing attitude.

It's a good thing, I think - in that while we're not desperate, when we do fall in love, it's actually real and wholehearted.

I can't stand the thought of being with someone who could just have easily chosen to be with someone else. I live in a small town so I see people dating/marrying just for the sake of being with someone (everyone's bored and there's not a lot of choices). It's sickening.

Two quotes that I think sum up our philosophies of love well.

1) "I am falling quicker than I thought I could or said I would; and you aren't helping any. Help me, break my fall. Catch me with your smile."

2) "I don't want to build my life around you, but I want to include you in the building of my life." This quote, I think, defines us as ENTJ's, in that we are only accepting of love if love, indeed, "makes sense." If it doesn't, we'd rather be by ourselves.
Marc

 

[Marc790]

Nor I. There is something to be said for standards, and I just cannot stand people who say shit like, "Ph she completes me," or cheesy, "romantic" crap like that. Idealistically, one should come to a relationship already being completed.

There's a really wonderful book of poetry by a man named Peter McWilliams that succintly sums up a lot of things about love - I'd recommend it.

I remember getting the book for an SO when we first started dating and her calling me the next day and asking if I knew it was written by a gay man for his gay lover. In the end, we agreed that love, no matter gay or straight, still carries the same emotions. The book is called "Come Love With Me and Be My Life." Check it out. Another sample of that poet's work - and the discussion here:

"Two halves have no choice but to join, and yes, that makes a whole. But two wholes, when they coincide, that's beautiful. That's love."

What the hell is a wubbie?

Marc

I definitely share this all or nothing attitude.



I can't stand the thought of being with someone who could just have easily chosen to be with someone else. I live in a small town so I see people dating/marrying just for the sake of being with someone (everyone's bored and there's not a lot of choices). It's sickening.

 

[Marc790]

By the way, people get married when they're bored? Whatever happened to playing pool or, I don't know, umm ...reading a book? If I got into relationships for every time I am bored, I'd have more exes than Philip Markoff has women's panties.

I definitely share this all or nothing attitude.



I can't stand the thought of being with someone who could just have easily chosen to be with someone else. I live in a small town so I see people dating/marrying just for the sake of being with someone (everyone's bored and there's not a lot of choices). It's sickening.

 

[Frank]

Monogamy, along with many other aspects of what love is supposed to look like is not natural. Either is staying in one relationship for the duration of your life. Therefore love is work. Work that I'm hoping will be worth it.