I've had the same personal bias. But I've found that seeking that affirmation or acknowledgement tends to feed the bias. Not saying this is the same for anyone else, but it's certainly been my experience.That's my personal bias here. Uniformly INTPs expect a lot less social affirmation, so there's discomfort there when someone expects more... whether because of type or whatever reason.
But does it matter? I get annoyed by the running discussions if it's OTT derailment/in-jokes but it's because it's disrupting the discussion in general (ie even if I haven't posted in a thread and have no intention of doing so, that behaviour annoys me because it's killing potentially good discussions with fluff).And I don't think it protects against cliques. If you put out comments and routinely no one responds to you, if it's the same 15-20 people that consistently respond to each other's posts and have running discussions while not bothering to engage anyone else's comments... then you come away with the message that either your comments suck, or that they're a clique and you're not accepted, or both.
They're an audience, they're reading the threads and posts. And some of them are interacting via PMs or whatever. Occasionally one of them will delurk and post. *shrug* It's hard to put into words, but it's how I view it. Half-assed analogy: I'm never likely to meet most of the people in my suburb but the fact that they're there makes an impression on me. I feel like I'm living in a community regardless of whether we interact or not.Why?
Yes. I'm not quite sure how this relates to what you said previously. (I'm falling asleep with tiredness, my comprehension is a bit shot at the moment)Probably. Where I agree is that in the end our personal security as a person can't be based on other people's acknowledgments or affirmations. We're responsible for our own self-acceptance. Regardless of how one feels, if you start reacting to feelings of alienation, you will become alienated. So the "cure" is still the same -- assume you belong, and get in there, and participate, and ignore any cues or absence of cues.
Again, does it matter?But it doesn't mean the perceptions aren't accurate.
That makes sense for young kids. But INTPc is for adults, no?If you don't affirm the kid even when they're just saying something redundant or "understood," THEY don't know that yet... they're looking for validation because they're still young, and if you don't validate them so that they can see transparently into your mind, there's a strong possibility they'll feel unloved.
I still struggle with this at times, I'm not going to pretend I'm completely over it, but these days it's more about just noticing that it's happening but not giving into it. Giving into it tends to prolong it IME. *insert usual YMMV disclaimer*So who knows? Maybe I'm more sensitive to it because I wasn't affirmed adequately when younger and I'm still looking for it, although I have to say I'm a lot healthier today than I was twenty years ago. I dunno.
I've had similar experiences on a couple of forums. There's another forum I'm on where I don't think I've had a response to anything I've written for months. I still post/read when I feel like it. The lack of response is pretty much because I haven't made any effort to reach out to anyone (that's that particular forum culture) and I don't feel the need to. I'm still part of that community though. I get what I need from it, which doesn't really require interaction.Just to be a pain in the ass on my end:
I think it would be an interesting experiment to see how long someone continues to post on a forum where no matter what or how often they post, no one responds to them. Following your logic, we should assume that we belong anyway. But I don't think human beings in general work that way -- even the most socially desensitized eventually would give up and go elsewhere and perhaps even take it personally after time passes. I think social cues matter and have impact, even if people claim they don't.
Edit: lol, I type slow.