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  1. #21
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    This is a potential pitfall for ENTP's. We are so influenced by externalities (people and situations) that we can lose track of ourselves. It is possible to be adaptable to different situations by modulating your personality, however you should try very hard to retain your inner core self.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #22
    Senior Member IEE623's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by astroidea View Post
    Have any of you done this? I don't know exactly what happened to me, but I wanted to be more empathetic and bring out the best of people, and I tried to not bring people's ego's down, but try to boost it.
    I began to be extremely self critical. It totally tore me apart. I became utterly empty around everyone.
    I stopped doing this about 4-6 months ago and tried to rebuild myself. I've come quite a way, but I still feel very very brain damaged. I still get awkward around people easily, and people gets awkward around me. I'll try to say something, but I often naturally just end up blurting out something that makes the moment even more awkward.
    I feel lost.
    I wish I could get back my old goofiness.
    do those kinds of problems come up when T people start to see the logic in F-thinking? :P hehe
    "Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters"

  3. #23
    Senior Member ZiL's Avatar
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    I've done this overthinking thing for a long time and all it does is make me feel like crap too. I've been doing it for a realllly long time. I was able to act naturally as a child, but that led to some conflicts with my parents and family, and honestly, the last thing I pretty much ever want to do is annoy people or piss people off, so I got hyper-conscious about my behavior. It's an old pattern I fall into a lot, especially when I've been by myself for a few days. And it's ridiculous. Because it seems like everyone around me can act the way they want, yet for some reason I feel like I have to be aware of how I'm coming off ALL the time. I guess I've never been well prepared for conflict, so I try to prevent it by doing this. But it's NOT a good strategy.

    It's rare that any of us really mean to do harm, so I think it's best to just be ourselves...and if we rub someone the wrong way, then deal with it. But all the Fe overkill is no fun when it's really not who you are. It's so draining to have to think of everyone's minutest feelings and of every little thing that could go wrong in a social situation all of the time. I'm trying to cut off the negative thinking and just act, because it tends to do the trick. Usually nothing is as bad as it seems inside your head. When I do act myself and just blurt things out, I'm always surprised by what a good response it gets...that should be evidence enough not to fight it tooth and nail, right?
    ALL AROUND THE WORLD PEOPLE EATIN' GUMBO

  4. #24
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    This is a potential pitfall for ENTP's. We are so influenced by externalities (people and situations) that we can lose track of ourselves. It is possible to be adaptable to different situations by modulating your personality, however you should try very hard to retain your inner core self.
    What is it with the "we" talking, anyways ?!
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by IEE623 View Post
    do those kinds of problems come up when T people start to see the logic in F-thinking? :P hehe
    oh yes.. that's a good way to sum it up.
    I had a very highly F girlfriend and I really tried to see her side of things.
    I really started to see the importance of the ego.. and that made me want to be an F. I grew to have an intense dislike for conflict and I'd try to stroke people's ego any way I could. It made me fake and gushy.

    What made it worse was that when I destroyed my own ego, and saw the consequences of it, I further wanted to help boost people's egos. But boosting someone's ego for the sake of boosting someone's ego rather than doing it because you genuinely feel they are awesome will only make matters worse.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZiL View Post
    I've done this overthinking thing for a long time and all it does is make me feel like crap too. I've been doing it for a realllly long time. I was able to act naturally as a child, but that led to some conflicts with my parents and family, and honestly, the last thing I pretty much ever want to do is annoy people or piss people off, so I got hyper-conscious about my behavior. It's an old pattern I fall into a lot, especially when I've been by myself for a few days. And it's ridiculous. Because it seems like everyone around me can act the way they want, yet for some reason I feel like I have to be aware of how I'm coming off ALL the time. I guess I've never been well prepared for conflict, so I try to prevent it by doing this. But it's NOT a good strategy.

    It's rare that any of us really mean to do harm, so I think it's best to just be ourselves...and if we rub someone the wrong way, then deal with it. But all the Fe overkill is no fun when it's really not who you are. It's so draining to have to think of everyone's minutest feelings and of every little thing that could go wrong in a social situation all of the time. I'm trying to cut off the negative thinking and just act, because it tends to do the trick. Usually nothing is as bad as it seems inside your head. When I do act myself and just blurt things out, I'm always surprised by what a good response it gets...that should be evidence enough not to fight it tooth and nail, right?
    You're absolutely right. It's all about the attitude and the intentions.
    But at the same time, I still feel conflicted about when it's about self improvement or when it's just about pointlessly destroying oneself?

    I mean you have to reflect back sometimes on your actions rather than not care at all?
    Maybe that's not the question I should be asking though? Maybe that question is self defeating?

  7. #27
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    I think NT types are often subject to this kind of things from other types. You have to think about it as softening up the edges without losing your personality. If you're having to drastically change your personality, you're with the wrong people.

    Here's a plan:

    a) be 100% yourself with everyone for a month
    b) evaluate afterwards how the relationship felt with each person for the past month
    c) increase the frequency of contacts with those that you feel at ease with and decrease the frequency of contacts with those with whom you don't feel at ease with. With the latter, soften your personality traits and accomodate.
    d) If the second group is larger than the first one, then you need to find a new social group which shares your values/interests (such as one with NT's)

  8. #28
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    Yeah I was hanging out with several F's for many months.
    My ex, my mom, and my friend, they're INFP, ISFJ, and ISFJ respectively.
    I have one other friend that I'm not sure of his type, he seems like an ISTP, but has fallen under the same overly selfcritical loop as me. I think I picked up a lot of it from him. He really tries to avoid conflict and not give his opinions about others if he disagrees.
    I'm glad I met an INTP now recently, and I feel very natural around him. I don't feel much pressure to be someone that I'm not.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    In times of despair, I grew thoughtful myself, but it wont last long if you regain any sort of goofiness
    Edited for personal truth.

  10. #30
    Senior Member ZiL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by astroidea View Post
    You're absolutely right. It's all about the attitude and the intentions.
    But at the same time, I still feel conflicted about when it's about self improvement or when it's just about pointlessly destroying oneself?

    I mean you have to reflect back sometimes on your actions rather than not care at all?
    Maybe that's not the question I should be asking though? Maybe that question is self defeating?
    It's good to reflect back to make sure you're not being a total dick all the time , but it seems that too much reflection produces a lot of imagined negativity and inability to socially function naturally. I'm sure there is a balance point, and I'm looking for it too. Maybe after this dramatic swing to the side of personality disintegration, you'll learn something about finding the balance between reflection and action. I'm sort of in the same spot. I just think a lot of it has to do with imagined negative results...seeing things that aren't there and fixating on them. It must be possible to be aware of others' feelings and POVs without becoming so insanely relativistic that it's impossible to function comfortably.


    Maverick's plan sounds interesting.
    ALL AROUND THE WORLD PEOPLE EATIN' GUMBO

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