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  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Default INTP Fear of Intimacy

    Is this a common trend for INTPs?

    Yesterday, my roommate (INTP) told me that he thinks he has intimacy issues, but he does not know why. It seemed almost ESFP of him -- in that, he said he always wants it to be "fun." He has never been in a long term relationship and does not really seem to want one. I kept thinking of how that is sort of not even "real," (that is, the jumping from date to date -- fun experience to fun experience) but I couldn't put what I was thinking into words. I can somewhat relate because I am frequently bored also, but when it comes down to it, I know that I really would prefer the security of a consistent relationship than a thousand brief flings.

    Do other INTPs experience this also? Is it a fear of intimacy or is it something else? Please teach me your ways.

  2. #2
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Fear of intimacy? meh.
    Reserving intimacy for the few considered deserving? .
    Fear of losing autonomy - big time.
    It's not the same as ExxP flightiness.

    Have you read this thread?

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Fear of intimacy? meh.
    Reserving intimacy for the few considered deserving? .
    Fear of losing autonomy - big time.
    That sums it up nicely for me too. I enjoy intimate relationships with a few people whom I choose. I will withdraw when my autonomy is restricted however. I do like the newness of a fresh relationship, but I also will stick with more established relationships that are intimate.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Yeah, maybe it's the fear of losing autonomy...

    Thing is, he seemed somewhat disgruntled about it. As if, while he knows it is the path he has chosen, he is not 100% sure it is the best way or if he likes it about himself. He did say, "Maybe you can help me figure out why this is..." with an explanation of how he never had a bad childhood and there should be no reason for him fleeing from these relationships so quickly.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I do like the newness of a fresh relationship, but I also will stick with more established relationships that are intimate.
    What is the value you see in an intimate relationship that does not come with a fresh relationship? Because in a sense, I can understand why it would be easier to go from NEW to NEW... and if I did not CARE so deeply (as ENFP do) and have to extricate myself from a tangled web of emotions, I would probably tend to be that way too...

  6. #6
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Yeah, Bluemonday is right, fear of losing autonomy is the real issue here. *shivers*

  7. #7
    Member Airius's Avatar
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    Maybe he's just not ready to settle. There's nothing wrong with that.

  8. #8
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    Yeah, maybe it's the fear of losing autonomy...

    Thing is, he seemed somewhat disgruntled about it. As if, while he knows it is the path he has chosen, he is not 100% sure it is the best way or if he likes it about himself. He did say, "Maybe you can help me figure out why this is..." with an explanation of how he never had a bad childhood and there should be no reason for him fleeing from these relationships so quickly.
    Disgruntled = default state for INTxs.
    Not being 100% sure = default state for xxxPs.

    Send him here. We'll teach him to love disgruntled uncertainty.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    ...there should be no reason for him fleeing from these relationships so quickly.
    I jumped through a lot of relationships in my teens and 20's. For me, it was more experimentation. I tried on different people to see how they fit. If they didn't fit right, then I moved on. Years later, I finally discovered that I was trying on personality types that did not mesh well with me. It also didn't help that I had no knowledge of MBTI or the different types.

    There is also the high that exists in a new relationship. I sought to maintain that through variety. It wasn't until years later that I learned this was a somewhat destructive path for me. I know I hurt people during that time, and have re-evaluated my actions since then.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    What is the value you see in an intimate relationship that does not come with a fresh relationship?
    The depth of understanding that you can gain from having a partner or friend for a long period of time. Trust builds over time as well, and you know that you will be there for each other, even when things get rough. Shared experiences are nice too, especially as you grow older. Loyalty is something I learned from my SJ partner ... and it is not something that comes easy to me. I admire it greatly however.

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