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  1. #61
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    I don't think anyone is comparing themselves to you, Rachel, saying "Look, I'm better!" I certainly wasn't. You have to be ENFP, you have no choice. I happen to appreciate people of the type, and moreso after I keep it in mind that we're not the same.

    I would only recommend being mindful of that, that we are different, having different motivations, and take this into consideration when dealing with people.

  2. #62
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    I guess I'm wondering if you think every interaction merits a potential for a long term relationship.
    Yes, I do. I'm sorta puzzled that you don't...

    What do you suggest I do? I don't want to come across as shallow or fake, but I'm not sure how much of that is my responsibility. Would you prefer no expression of interest at all?
    Well, there's a line between "no interest at all" and "sit and talk with me for an hour laughing and joking and seeming to get along great". Somewhere in the middle of that line is "said hello and welcomed me, behaved in a civil and polite way, but didn't go out of their way to talk one on one or show any particular personal interest". And other manifestations... I dunno... just think about the signals you're sending out, I guess... imagine the roles reversed now and again whilst you're talking (imagine yourself as them, not you in their position, and I know you can do this with that Ne!)

    But anyway it doesn't matter what I suggest. I'm not a social guru lol I'm just the guy who gets my brother's cast-off friends when he's either bored of them or they've become too disillusioned to worship him any more

    I wouldn't try to suggest that everything that's relevant to my brother therefore is to you just cos you share the same test result, I guess it's up to you to pick what you think's relevant from it
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  3. #63
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I don't think anyone is comparing themselves to you, Rachel, saying "Look, I'm better!" I certainly wasn't. You have to be ENFP, you have no choice. I happen to appreciate people of the type, and moreso after I keep it in mind that we're not the same.
    Haha. Trust me, I know I have no choice. But, it doesn't mean that I can't grow or learn.

    As for role reversal, I experience that a fair amount myself. ESFPs frequently flake out on me. Probably some of my insensitivity can be traced back to thinking people should just rise above it. If something stems from a connection, then great, but if not, sure it's disappointing, but you can't make it their responsibility or let it get you down.

  4. #64
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    ENFPs are naturally flirtatious and charismatic. They aren't always conscious of how their behaviour might be interpreted.

    They make people fall for them and then they're all like "Who me? Whadidido?" :puppyeyes:
    Gotta luv 'em!

  5. #65
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Yes, I do. I'm sorta puzzled that you don't...
    You know what... actually... maybe it is primarily related to being burned by this myself. Maybe I have assumed this is how it is and I just need to be a stronger person and take care of myself.

    Ok, wait, yes. I think it all has to do with avoidance of rejection. If I am the one being friendly and choosing the fate of our relationship, I am thereby avoiding any potential for rejection at least in the beginning. Sounds terrible, but probably at least some truth in that.

  6. #66
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    ENFPs are naturally flirtatious and charismatic. They aren't always conscious of how their behaviour might be interpreted.
    Yeah, I don't think about it all of the time, but there probably are subconscious reasons for my actions. Which of course, I am concerned with... meaning. Yay!

  7. #67
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    On another note, it sometimes seems like the INTPs I have met (and I have only met about two in real life), deliberately intend not to like me because they think everyone else does. I should not be able to get away with being liked so quickly and they will not like me just because it seems to be a theme. Not saying they are jealous, but it's almost like... it should be earned beyond sincere friendliness. And, I don't mind this. Probably why there is somewhat of a draw for me. It's different and challenging. They don't just dish out affection like the others.

    Of course, I could be completely off target, but it does seem that way at times.

  8. #68
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    I know its been said already and elaborated and discussed deeply, but honestly just the concept of investing sizable amounts of my personality to others consistently is incomprehensible. It's just like fundamentally impossible for that to happen, sometimes I would even say I'm more withdrawn and less revealing because once I unravel it takes a while to comeback. I just can't maintain any state like that. I just don't get any joy out of that. I would elaborate but its just like i'm just playing games with myself personally, I wouldn't have anytime to really enjoy others company because I'd sort of be repulsed by manipulating myself like that. Like I care enough about other people to do that just for their brief enjoyment.
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    On another note, it sometimes seems like the INTPs I have met (and I have only met about two in real life), deliberately intend not to like me because they think everyone else does. I should not be able to get away with being liked so quickly and they will not like me just because it seems to be a theme. Not saying they are jealous, but it's almost like... it should be earned beyond sincere friendliness. And, I don't mind this. Probably why there is somewhat of a draw for me. It's different and challenging. They don't just dish out affection like the others.

    Of course, I could be completely off target, but it does seem that way at times.

    Hahaha, well, there is something to that. I think we're a little mistrustful of those who seem like they've always been able to waltz through life on the merits of their charms. I tend to like ENFPs, though.

    My problem isn't so much that an ENFP would talk to me for an hour and then walk away and that be the end of it. I have no problems chitchatting with someone on a superficial, fun level to pass the time, if it's someone that's easy to talk to. Not a fan of smalltalk in general, but there are definitely times where I'll strike up a conversation with someone, and I have no expectations of them for going forward.

    What I cannot, and WILL not do, no matter who gets mad at me, is open up and share intimate, personal things, or things that I consider private, just because someone wants to be entertained for an hour or two. I will just not bite, because if I did, I would feel violated. Keep it at fluff-level, and we'll be fine. Otherwise, you'll have to be a real friend in order to know more.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    On another note, it sometimes seems like the INTPs I have met (and I have only met about two in real life), deliberately intend not to like me because they think everyone else does. I should not be able to get away with being liked so quickly and they will not like me just because it seems to be a theme. Not saying they are jealous, but it's almost like... it should be earned beyond sincere friendliness. And, I don't mind this. Probably why there is somewhat of a draw for me. It's different and challenging. They don't just dish out affection like the others.

    Of course, I could be completely off target, but it does seem that way at times.
    Hmmm....doesn't sound like the sorta thing an INTP would do. We usually have our reasons.....

    I've never met an ENFP IRL, I didn't like. At least, initially.

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