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  1. #11
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nighthawk View Post
    ... I enjoy intimate relationships with a few people whom I choose. I will withdraw when my autonomy is restricted however. I do like the newness of a fresh relationship, but I also will stick with more established relationships that are intimate.
    That sounds about right.

    The "autonomy" thing is big. You share a bit at a time, testing to see whether people will try to snare you with what you've revealed. If someone betrays you by trying to control you or leverage the information against you, you stop.

    Some other types plunge in more quickly and are not nearly as sensitive to "control issues."

    It can be argued that the INTP is mistaking healthy connection for relational enslavement, but the inverse can also be argued for other types.

    I know that personally I love intimate relationships... with people I can trust to not abuse the information I've given them by trying to gain power over me. If they are willing to go that deep, I am willing to go that deep. In fact, I *want* to go that deep and become bored when someone won't.

    Note that "intimate" for me tends to be more about "shared information" -- I will tell you EVERYTHING -- rather than what some other types might consider intimate. IOW, I desire total disclosure, with the promise I will never use the information against you; and I am willing to tell you anything about me.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #12
    sophiloist Kaizer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Fear of intimacy? meh.
    Reserving intimacy for the few considered deserving? .
    very true

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Fear of losing autonomy - big time.
    It's not the same as ExxP flightiness.
    true, but related to awareness, maturity and exposure.

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Have you read this thread?
    my take was the same in this case... basically maturity & how well the person knew them and/or for how long etc
    The answer must be in the attempt
    avy url : natgeocreative Photo

  3. #13
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I jumped through a lot of relationships in my teens and 20's. For me, it was more experimentation. I tried on different people to see how they fit. If they didn't fit right, then I moved on. Years later, I finally discovered that I was trying on personality types that did not mesh well with me. It also didn't help that I had no knowledge of MBTI or the different types.

    There is also the high that exists in a new relationship. I sought to maintain that through variety. It wasn't until years later that I learned this was a somewhat destructive path for me. I know I hurt people during that time, and have re-evaluated my actions since then.
    Yes! This sounds like him. Was it the recognition of destruction that stopped this relational route or was it meeting the right person? We both mulled over that yesterday... that is, if he would change if he met the right girl.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    The "autonomy" thing is big. You share a bit at a time, testing to see whether people will try to snare you with what you've revealed. If someone betrays you by trying to control you or leverage the information against you, you stop.
    Oh my gosh! Yes! The snare! He totally does this. And, yeah, it does seem like he WANTS to share, but it has to be like in increments. I don't understand what sort of betrayal you are avoiding though... can you explain that?

  5. #15
    sophiloist Kaizer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Note that "intimate" for me tends to be more about "shared information" -- I will tell you EVERYTHING -- rather than what some other types might consider intimate. IOW, I desire total disclosure, with the promise I will never use the information against you; and I am willing to tell you anything about me.
    true, and this seems extreme-ish to others and theres that 'inviting-others-in' default way of going about it. Also, till that depth is reached nothing much happens and by those who automatically 'know' (sensors and/or feelers) it appears to be a game, but once that depth is reached it all unfolds really fast where it comes across as deluge.
    The answer must be in the attempt
    avy url : natgeocreative Photo

  6. #16
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    ...Thing is, he seemed somewhat disgruntled about it. As if, while he knows it is the path he has chosen, he is not 100% sure it is the best way or if he likes it about himself.
    As others have said, this is right on the money.

    You never know anything 100% of the time. Information is always being updated.

    That's why it's hard to have an opinion on something... or make a commitment that does not allow for flex.

    Ne (or Se for ISTP) is always gathering new information and incorporating it in real-time, to update the model and responses. The inner is NOT stable like Si (where external information is rejected if it does not conform to the inner); it is constantly shifting.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #17
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    No, I guess I get it, actually. When you sense the control... of your time... or the vibe that we want you to be someone you are not... you just put up that wall....

  8. #18
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Ne (or Se for ISTP) is always gathering new information and incorporating it in real-time, to update the model and responses. The inner is NOT stable like Si (where external information is rejected if it does not conform to the inner); it is constantly shifting.
    Yeah, that is so interesting! I love how open to possibilities you NTs are...

    It's like... THIS IS HOW IT IS... but... maybe not. Such a contrast to my ISTJ and ESFP friends who are like THIS IS HOW IT IS... period.

  9. #19
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    Oh my gosh! Yes! The snare! He totally does this. And, yeah, it does seem like he WANTS to share, but it has to be like in increments. I don't understand what sort of betrayal you are avoiding though... can you explain that?
    Betrayal: Others using information you have shared with them (whether it's just an opinion, or your feelings, or something you liked/dislike, or something you appreciated, or a political stance, or personal belief) in order to hurt you (if they are mad at you) or to otherwise try to make you do something against your will.

    Stuff like that.

    Note that this is one reason why many INTPs despise Fe early on. Immature Fe easily abuses the sort of disclosures an INTP might make.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #20
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    Was it the recognition of destruction that stopped this relational route or was it meeting the right person? We both mulled over that yesterday... that is, if he would change if he met the right girl.
    It was a little of both. The realization that I was hurting people was an eye-opener after I was hurt myself several times in the same way. Selfish realization, I suppose. Meeting a person who was willing to fight ... really fight ... to keep me was an eye-opener as well. It was amazing to find a person who, after I screwed up, didn't just throw me away ... but rather fought to straighten me out and was there for me. Mind you, she doesn't tolerate indescretions on my part, but she is willing to work though my past with me. Having somebody who really cares about me that much, makes me think twice before I act nowsdays.

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