User Tag List

First 21011121314 Last

Results 111 to 120 of 145

  1. #111
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    this thread is SO interesting...and i am such an enfp! i had no idea! shit!

    so...is it considered crass almost for someone to expect a personal exchange so quickly...because...the fluff...isn't as interesting...and i think there's this deep desire for connection...i'm not sure i know how to relate to people differently...but i'll have to learn if it's offensive
    Well...for me, it is. I have to trust people before I'm going to tell them anything personal. And even then, it usually just comes up situationally. I've always hated forced intimacy. And it always made me uncomfortable to be in a situation where a few acquaintances were sitting around spilling their guts like it was the greatest thing in the world, and there was an expectation created. B/c then I won't spill my guts, and get branded a snob.

    I think in the past I was a little more willing to open up, but I quickly learned that some people can't be trusted with the information you give them. Especially in a situation where you're in a group of people who are thrown together, not necessarily friends. Some people will act friendly to you, try to get you to open up to them, and then stab you in the back. I can accept that some people are douchebags, but I have kind of a douchebag filter for such a purpose. I'm not opening up unless I'm sure you're a real friend.

    The other thing is, I haven't known that many NFs in my life, but I have a few NF friends IRL now. It's hard for me to navigate them sometimes, because they seem to feel like you don't trust them if you're not constantly confessing something. And I'm not a big confessor anyway, even if I do trust you. There has to be a reason to share it, or it has to come up organically. In those cases, it's not that I WON'T share something with you; it's just that I'm not as confessional by nature as you are.


    Quote Originally Posted by Wild horses View Post
    I also love INTPs but the thing is their 'fear of intimacy' can lead to many problems with communication and its just so hard to get things off the ground then. My dealings with INTPs have often fallen down because the INTP somehow believes that I'm the 'confident one' which couldn't be further from the truth actually, if I feel something strongly enough I don't really like to share it with just any ole person (Sometimes I do but its usually a mistake or me being caught up in the moment) so then the relationship goes something like this

    INTP: (Thinks to himself) Look at the way she is with others, pouring her love out to everyone and anyone that walks buy and is prepared to throw her a bone. She doesn't really give me the time of day, so I don't want this persons cheap emotions anyway

    ENFP: (Thinks to herself) Ok this guy doesn't really like me in fact I would go so far as to say he hates me or at the very mildest I irritate him. I have really strong feelings for him too, how unfortunate! Good job I find it hard to express my most deepest emotions and so haven't made a complete fool of myself yet with someone who holds me in contempt.

    INTP: Ok haven't seen this person in like weeks! I know she is being a good friend to everyone else she knows, just not me **** her. I don't even want her friendship anymore

    ENFP: Been trying to give the INTP the space he needs, also trying not to piss him off. Been good for about a day and a half(Which to me seems like centuries) I will try to be friendly again cos I want to keep friends if nothing else.

    ENFP extends an olive branch to her friend, INTP snaps the branch in half and instead of saying "You haven't been treating me much like a friend lately" So ENFP can have some idea whats been going on in his head and explain herself ,INTP simply says, "We were never friends!" ENFP smiles and agrees, (Must keep the harmony) and then goes home to sob and moan forevermore about INTPs on forums such as this....

    Not that this has ever happened to me or anything! LOL
    Oh, wow! Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate, too. I'm learning that ENFPs choose their friends pretty selectively, even though they can be really popular. Heh, INTPs will always assume they are the least socially competitent person in the relationship.

  2. #112
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wild horses View Post
    I also love INTPs but the thing is their 'fear of intimacy' can lead to many problems with communication and its just so hard to get things off the ground then. My dealings with INTPs have often fallen down because the INTP somehow believes that I'm the 'confident one' which couldn't be further from the truth actually, if I feel something strongly enough I don't really like to share it with just any ole person (Sometimes I do but its usually a mistake or me being caught up in the moment) so then the relationship goes something like this

    INTP: (Thinks to himself) Look at the way she is with others, pouring her love out to everyone and anyone that walks buy and is prepared to throw her a bone. She doesn't really give me the time of day, so I don't want this persons cheap emotions anyway

    ENFP: (Thinks to herself) Ok this guy doesn't really like me in fact I would go so far as to say he hates me or at the very mildest I irritate him. I have really strong feelings for him too, how unfortunate! Good job I find it hard to express my most deepest emotions and so haven't made a complete fool of myself yet with someone who holds me in contempt.

    INTP: Ok haven't seen this person in like weeks! I know she is being a good friend to everyone else she knows, just not me **** her. I don't even want her friendship anymore

    ENFP: Been trying to give the INTP the space he needs, also trying not to piss him off. Been good for about a day and a half(Which to me seems like centuries) I will try to be friendly again cos I want to keep friends if nothing else.

    ENFP extends an olive branch to her friend, INTP snaps the branch in half and instead of saying "You haven't been treating me much like a friend lately" So ENFP can have some idea whats been going on in his head and explain herself ,INTP simply says, "We were never friends!" ENFP smiles and agrees, (Must keep the harmony) and then goes home to sob and moan forevermore about INTPs on forums such as this....

    Not that this has ever happened to me or anything! LOL
    Wow! Sucks to be you!
    Give up. INTPs are just not worth it hon.

  3. #113
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    intp
    Posts
    3,198

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Wow! Sucks to be you!
    Give up. INTPs are just not worth it hon.
    short, sweet and to the point.

    Well...for me, it is. I have to trust people before I'm going to tell them anything personal. And even then, it usually just comes up situationally. I've always hated forced intimacy. And it always made me uncomfortable to be in a situation where a few acquaintances were sitting around spilling their guts like it was the greatest thing in the world, and there was an expectation created. B/c then I won't spill my guts, and get branded a snob.
    Story of my life. It rings cheap and false to me.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  4. #114
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    Wow! Sucks to be you!
    Give up. INTPs are just not worth it hon.
    I found one worth it before; she was intense, but in a good way. Too bad I had to flake out, worry I wasn't worth her attentions, and then pull a self-fuffilling prophecy.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #115
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I found one worth it before; she was intense, but in a good way. Too bad I had to flake out, worry I wasn't worth her attentions, and then pull a self-fuffilling prophecy.
    You probably weren't, TBF.

  6. #116
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
    You probably weren't, TBF.
    At the time no. Thankfully that was 5 years ago and I've grown up and learned a little along the way.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #117
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Well...for me, it is. I have to trust people before I'm going to tell them anything personal. And even then, it usually just comes up situationally. I've always hated forced intimacy. And it always made me uncomfortable to be in a situation where a few acquaintances were sitting around spilling their guts like it was the greatest thing in the world, and there was an expectation created. B/c then I won't spill my guts, and get branded a snob.

    I think in the past I was a little more willing to open up, but I quickly learned that some people can't be trusted with the information you give them. Especially in a situation where you're in a group of people who are thrown together, not necessarily friends. Some people will act friendly to you, try to get you to open up to them, and then stab you in the back. I can accept that some people are douchebags, but I have kind of a douchebag filter for such a purpose. I'm not opening up unless I'm sure you're a real friend.

    The other thing is, I haven't known that many NFs in my life, but I have a few NF friends IRL now. It's hard for me to navigate them sometimes, because they seem to feel like you don't trust them if you're not constantly confessing something. And I'm not a big confessor anyway, even if I do trust you. There has to be a reason to share it, or it has to come up organically. In those cases, it's not that I WON'T share something with you; it's just that I'm not as confessional by nature as you are.




    Oh, wow! Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate, too. I'm learning that ENFPs choose their friends pretty selectively, even though they can be really popular. Heh, INTPs will always assume they are the least socially competitent person in the relationship.
    completely understandable...but have you not also sensed the enfp respects you enough to give you the space for that...i feel like i do...and also feel like i am/we are picky and when we act interested it's because we are...sorry to speak for other people...but this is true for me... when they/i ask questions...it's not just for kicks...if we act like we care...it's because we do...and can't pretend we don't....

    but...i completely understand the need to warm up first and decide if this is someone you want to know like that...i get that...i think...we/ i just decide that more quickly...but...idk...haha
    damn...sorry...did you even want to know all that!!?? haha

  8. #118
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    completely understandable...but have you not also sensed the enfp respects you enough to give you the space for that...i feel like i do...and also feel like i am/we are picky and when we act interested it's because we are...sorry to speak for other people...but this is true for me... when they/i ask questions...it's not just for kicks...if we act like we care...it's because we do...and can't pretend we don't....

    but...i completely understand the need to warm up first and decide if this is someone you want to know like that...i get that...i think...we/ i just decide that more quickly...but...idk...haha
    damn...sorry...did you even want to know all that!!?? haha
    Yeah, I have sensed that...I think my ENFP friend is probably the one that understands the most about there being a time and a place for opening up, and not pushing it. She's probably the person that's been the most supportive and helpful when I have opened up, as well.

    One of my INFJ friends is the one that has the hardest time with me not opening up as much as she wants me to. Because she's always confessing stuff to me, and I feel like she wants immediate reciprocation, and I can't always do that. I'm a good listener, and I'm non-judgmental, and I don't mind people telling me their stuff if they want to. I just don't like feeling like there's pressure on to start confession-time, too. She's pretty good about giving me space, but every once in a while she'll make a comment like she hopes one day I'll trust her enough to tell her stuff. Which is funny, because I have told her things before. I don't know if she wants a constant stream of it, or what?

  9. #119
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    1,917

    Default

    I'm glad you INTPs at least realise that us ENFP don't actually wear out hearts on our sleeves (Well ot our real ones anyway lol)X

  10. #120
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    1,917

    Default

    Aww thanks for the advice Bluemonday. You folks are truely lovely though and I remain optimistic that one day we will work it out lol

Similar Threads

  1. [INFP] INFP with a Fear of Intimacy Now Ignoring Me
    By CandyCane11 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 10-02-2016, 10:26 AM
  2. [INTP] INTP and Fear of Rejection
    By greenfairy in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 08-11-2012, 01:09 AM
  3. [INTP] What do INTPs think of the world financial crisis?
    By Cypocalypse in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 02-20-2009, 07:32 PM
  4. [INTP] INTP 2 INTP (possibly of use to others)
    By Xander in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 73
    Last Post: 04-16-2008, 11:26 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO