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  1. #91
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Oh, to be a guy in a case like that. If you're a girl and say that, a social WWIII starts.
    That's funny, I was talking to a guy friend in e-mail and he quoted me saying something similar ("I'm not responsible for your feelings or anyone else's") ... and that he had heard the same thing from another INTP woman as well as an ENFP member here.

    I guess that sort of thing could be a rather large molotov cocktail, socially.

    Oh well.

    Quote Originally Posted by IF3157 View Post
    Explain (with translation first, pls).
    F$%# off and die?
    Hmm... what do ya think?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #92
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Hmm... what do ya think?
    Yeah, I figured after I already asked, then edited.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  3. #93
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    So I quickly learned that extroverts spending a lot of time with me meant nothings in terms of commitment or wanting to spend MORE time together. I no longer assume that, I keep a close guard on my heart that way to avoid over-extending myself now.
    Ugh. Yeah, this makes me so sad. It seems like this is how it must be though. This has been a source of contention between my long-term INTJ friend and me. It didn't really matter that I saw that she was more invested in the relationship than I was because I couldn't ever get my feelings to match hers. She would never want a pity relationship and I would never give it to her either. It's just that her expectations for our friendship were so incredibly high and it really freaked me out because mine were not. I know that she sometimes felt like I did not care about her. This killed me because it is not true. But honestly, I have to say, I think she definitely cared more intensely than I did. Partly because she is pickier about her friends (than me--who is often surrounded by many different people--although, not claiming them all to be close) and had allowed me in her world. It is a bigger deal and definitely more of an energy investment to get to that point.

    Sensing her expectations made me feel controlled. It was a very frustrating situation for both of us and it was obviously a more painful situation for her than me. I don't really know what a good solution is, but probably what you said. You just have to assume that we will most likely never be up to par in the level of commitment and investment you desire (or as you said, we do not reciprocate in the same way). It's not that we do not care at all, but maybe not enough. And, I suppose we need to assume that your expectations for a relationship will automatically be higher than ours (partly) because of the (extra) emotional energy it takes to build one.

  4. #94
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    <good stuff>

    ...I suppose we need to assume that your expectations for a relationship will automatically be higher than ours (partly) because of the (extra) emotional energy it takes to build one.
    Yes, I think it is really just being realistic enough to be aware of and accept the differences. It's definitely hard on both sides, but at least we can avoid disillusionment if we're aware of this.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #95
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    This has begun to freak me out in dealing with introverts. I don't want them to think I want to be their best friend because I have a four hour conversation with them, nor do I want to be the evil extrovert because I didn't seem to invest as much as them. Can't it be what it is and let it be at that?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  6. #96
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    This has begun to freak me out in dealing with introverts. I don't want them to think I want to be their best friend because I have a four hour conversation with them, nor do I want to be the evil extrovert because I didn't seem to invest as much as them. Can't it be what it is and let it be at that?
    The same can be said of Impersonal analysis and reclusiveness, and the ensuing frustration in dealing with extroverts and feelers.
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

  7. #97
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    This has begun to freak me out in dealing with introverts. I don't want them to think I want to be their best friend because I have a four hour conversation with them, nor do I want to be the evil extrovert because I didn't seem to invest as much as them.
    I know.

    Washington was beautiful... then you never called.

    !@#&!*@#^* extroverted feelers!!!!



    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #98
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    HAHAHAHA ...Wait, why are we laughing? I feel STUPID.

  9. #99
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    This has begun to freak me out in dealing with introverts. I don't want them to think I want to be their best friend because I have a four hour conversation with them, nor do I want to be the evil extrovert because I didn't seem to invest as much as them. Can't it be what it is and let it be at that?
    As far as I'm concerned, it can be. I don't really have any expectations of an extravert because they spent time talking to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aimahn View Post
    The same can be said of Impersonal analysis and reclusiveness, and the ensuing frustration in dealing with extroverts and feelers.
    Yeah, that's the thing. I just run into a lot of extraverts that get offended and act as if I'm a snob if I don't want to have a big ole four hour conversation on the airplane, or if I'd rather go home after work than go out for drinks. Why can't THAT just be what it is?

  10. #100
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    As far as I'm concerned, it can be. I don't really have any expectations of an extravert because they spent time talking to me.

    Yeah, that's the thing. I just run into a lot of extraverts that get offended and act as if I'm a snob if I don't want to have a big ole four hour conversation on the airplane, or if I'd rather go home after work than go out for drinks. Why can't THAT just be what it is?
    Yeah!
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

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